209: How Secure People Breakup

What does a secure breakup actually look like? Most of us have never seen one, so we don't know it's even possible. In the finale of this four-part breakup series, Sabrina breaks down secure attachment in real terms: the in-person conversation, the honest reason, the clean ending that lets grief actually move instead of looping for years. She lays all four attachment styles side by side (anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure) so you can finally see why the same breakup hits four completely different ways, and why your reaction was never about how much the relationship mattered. This one goes deep on breakup recovery, how to get over someone, and the truth about earned secure attachment: that security can be built later in life through co-regulation and consistent safety, not love alone. If you've ever wondered why being loved still left you feeling anxious or avoidant, this episode is the answer. Plus, the tool of the week that works for every attachment style and helps you spot secure behavior in the people already in your life. Pre-order Sabrina's book coming out October 2026,⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠ Get your free workbook and access to the companion course after pre-ordering 'Why Am I Like This?' by filling out the form at the bottom of the page at http://sabrinazohar.com/book Take the new and improved dating quiz! sabrinazohar.com/quiz If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step ⁠HERE!⁠ If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself ⁠HERE!⁠ Get Ad free ⁠HERE!⁠ Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠HERE!⁠ Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠HERE!⁠ Don't forget to follow ⁠Sabrina⁠ and ⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠ on Instagram and ⁠Sabrina ⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠YOUTUBE!⁠ Please support our sponsors! Machine Washable Rugs, Made Better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at tumbleliving.com/SABRINA Live Better Longer with BUBS Naturals. For A limited time get 20% off your entire order with code SABRINAZOHAR at Bubsnaturals.com ============================= Chapters: 00:00 What A Secure Breakup Looks Like 03:32 Why Speaking Your Truth Costs You 05:36 The Breakup Conversation Done Right 08:42 Do Secure People Still Feel Pain? 10:10 Secure Isn't Being Unbothered 12:20 3 Things A Secure System Does 15:37 Can You Become Securely Attached? 18:50 The Weeks And Months After 22:41 All 4 Breakups Side By Side 26:17 Tool: Spotting Secure Behavior Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices