43. The Feeling I Didn't Realize I Was Avoiding

This week I had an experience that surprised me. I felt genuine joy from a great workout - one in which I sprinted as fast as I could, which I haven't done in years. And then I let myself fully feel the joy that came up - not analyze it, not brace for it to disappear, not immediately jump to what could go wrong next. Just felt the joy. I sat with it in my car and let it bubble up and radiate glitter and sparkles and a Lisa Frank aesthetic.

Somewhere along the way, I had unconsciously built a protective wall around feeling too happy because I was afraid of being disappointed, losing it, or getting crushed again. I've become much more practiced at welcoming grief, sadness, and fear - which has helped me soften tremendously. And now I'm ready to reconnect to the part of me who gets gleeful and giddy without judging herself. I've missed her. In this episode, I talk about reconnecting to that part of myself.

If I want to experience more of what I want in life, I can't resist joy anymore. I can't tense against feeling too much of it. Only feeling it for a minute and then saying "ok time to button back up because when the next bad thing happens, I'm gonna feel like a fool for feeling so joyful." If I want to be receptive to more of what I want in life, I gotta be receptive to feeling really good. Sparkly even.

References:

Joe Hudson YouTube Channel

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