How Adapting to Trauma Wires Us for Shame

This is part two of our shame series. Be sure to listen to last week's episode for an introduction into shame and how it relates to self-esteem.

In this episode, we go deeper into the real reason shame and grandiosity show up in our relationships. We explore how early childhood experiences shape a part of our psyche called the Adaptive Child — the part that learned to survive through fight, flight, or fix strategies.

You’ll learn why these once-brilliant survival patterns often become the very thing that keeps us stuck in shame cycles as adults. We break down the three parts of the psyche, how trauma gets stored in the Adaptive Child, and what it actually takes to re-parent that younger part of ourselves with compassion and firmness.

If you’ve ever wondered why your reactions feel so automatic and intense in relationships, or why “just loving yourself” hasn’t worked, this episode will give you the missing piece.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

The three parts of the psyche and why most of us spend our adult lives in the Adaptive Child
How fight, flight, or fix becomes your default survival strategy
Why the Adaptive Child carries and replays shame and grandiosity
How childhood trauma (big or small) wires these patterns into your nervous system
The powerful truth that shame and grandiosity are actually the same emotion pointed in two different directions
How to begin re-parenting your Adaptive Child so it no longer runs your relationships

Connect With Us:

Website: MasterYourMarriage.us

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

Det här avsnittet är hämtat från ett öppet RSS-flöde och publiceras inte av Podme. Det kan innehålla reklam.

Avsnitt(174)

Empathy: The Antidote to Contempt

We just spent two episodes looking at contempt—the number one predictor of divorce. One of the clearest takeaways is this: empathy and contempt cannot live in the same room.When contempt is operating,...

19 Aug 33min

How to Build a Contempt-Free Marriage (it's the #1 predictor of divorce!)

Last week we named the problem: contempt is addictive, corrosive, and the #1 predictor of divorce. This week we take up the harder question—how do we actually walk away from it?We open with an honest ...

12 Aug 29min

The Addiction of Contempt

In this episode, we unpack one of the most destructive forces in modern relationships: contempt.Drawing from Arthur Brooks’ book Love Your Enemies, we explore why contempt is not just a communication ...

29 Juli 31min

Breaking the Silent Treatment: How to End the Silence and Reconnect in Your Marriage

We’ve all heard (or said) those loaded words: “We need to talk.” For most of us, they immediately trigger defensiveness and dread. But what happens when conversations stop altogether? In this replay e...

22 Juli 24min

Defensiveness Is a Self-Esteem Problem (And How to Fix It)

Most of us get defensive without even realizing it — and it’s one of the fastest ways connection breaks down in marriage. In this episode, we explore why defensiveness is actually a self-esteem issue ...

16 Juli 30min

Mini Episode: Real Self Esteem, Shame & Grandiosity (Listener Questions)

In this quick mid-week bonus episode, Sharla answers two listener questions from our current series on Real Self Esteem and the distortions of shame and grandiosity.We explore:Why you can feel confide...

10 Juli 4min

The Shame Cycle That’s Hurting Your Marriage

Most of us are walking around with a relationship to ourselves that is pretty dysfunctional — and we don’t even realize it. We bounce back and forth between shame and grandiosity, sometimes minute by ...

2 Juli 25min