I Accidentally Convinced My Husband I Wanted a Divorce | Gary Lipovetsky

There's a book every woman I know is reading right now. It's called Strangers, Belle Burden's memoir, and Gwyneth Paltrow just bought the rights to turn it into a film. I picked it up expecting to join the bandwagon. I did not expect it to hold up a mirror. It's about a woman whose husband leaves, and in the rubble of that she realizes she doesn't know a single real thing about her own financial life. What they own, whether her name is on anything, where she stands. He walks out the door and takes the whole map of her life with him, because she never once looked at it herself. Here's the part I couldn't shake. Her marriage looked exactly like mine. Fifteen years in, three boys, my name on everything we've built, my own money since I was a teenager. I always thought that was what independence meant, making your own money. It took me fifteen years to realize independence is actually knowing what your own money is doing, and I closed that book and realized I didn't. Her husband had to leave for her to find out. Mine is sitting right here with me, and I still didn't know So I brought it to Gary, in the least graceful way possible, in the car on the way to dinner, and it did not go how I planned. We get into the prenup I signed at 21 and why the math has since flipped to protect me, the fight that followed, why he heard my questions and thought I was about to end our marriage, and the difference between trusting someone and actually knowing your own life. We only ever teach women this after a marriage is already over. I think that's backwards. I think a good marriage is the best place in the world to have this conversation, so I brought him here to have the rest of it with you. New episodes of Not Alone every Wednesday. Subscribe so you never miss one. Follow Gary: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/garylipovetsky Follow Valeria: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valerialipovetsky TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@valeria.lipovetsky Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valerialipovetskyblog Follow Not Alone: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notalonepod TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notalone.pod Podcast: https://www.notalonepod.com/ Shop my look from this episode: https://shopmy.us/collections/6367477 Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/valerialipovetsky What we talked about: 0:00 The book that scared me 1:02 How I brought it to Gary 2:23 My money, and watching my mom 5:09 Gary's parents and the scarcity mindset 7:12 The day you said yes, everything became ours 10:50 Beyond the prenup 11:56 Signing it 15 years ago 13:54 The prenup was protecting me too 14:44 Re-examining it now that the math has flipped 16:05 If a friend asked for a prenup and she said no 17:19 Bringing it to the present 28:42 I keep myself in the dark 35:01 You thought I wanted a divorce 35:21 Not in the car on the way to dinner 43:21 I trusted him, so I thought I didn't need to know 45:32 Knowing the balance now, and estate planning 47:50 The way I think finances should work in a marriage 52:12 Making money and raising kids is not the whole marriage 55:16 What I'd tell other women 58:25 Did you learn anything about yourself? Disclaimer: The links in this description are sponsor or affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links, I may earn a credit or commission at no additional cost to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices