286. If They Wanted To, They Would? The Truth About Effort In Early Dating

When you’re always the one texting first, planning the dates, and keeping a connection moving forward, it’s easy to start wondering: do they actually like me, or am I doing all the work?

In this episode, I’m breaking down the truth about effort in dating: why some people initiate more than others, what someone’s effort actually tells you about their interest, and how to stop spiraling when someone goes quiet.

Tune in for...

• What effort and initiation actually look like in dating (and why they matter)
• The real reasons someone might not initiate, and why the reason doesn’t change what you do next
• The one question to ask yourself when dating feels one-sided: do you want clarity, connection, or desire?
• The “I can’t tell” text and exactly when to send it
• Why “if they wanted to, they would” is complicated dating advice
• The difference between having standards, setting boundaries, and trying to control someone’s behavior
• Why initiation chicken and wanting to be chased can keep you stuck
• How multi-dating helped me stop investing in people who weren’t showing up
• How to tell the difference between a normal imbalance in effort and a connection that isn’t reciprocal

Whether you’re carrying a connection for a few weeks, wondering why you’re always the one making plans, or staring at your phone trying to figure out what their silence means, this episode will help you stop decoding their behavior and start paying attention to what their effort is showing you.

At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a man who reconnected with someone he dated 18 years ago and has spent two months texting without ever meeting up.

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