Why Your Desire Disappeared — And How to Find It Again (With Science)

DAM Parenting says the stuff out loud that you might be thinking — just in your headphones, on your own time, when you're not quite ready to say it to anyone else yet.

In episode 4 of DAM Sex, Eva is back with sex and intimacy counsellor Debby Poort to talk about something that doesn't get said enough — and not in the way it usually gets said. Sex is good for you. Not as a favour to your partner. Not because it's been a while. For you. Your sleep. Your cortisol. Your sense of yourself as a person who exists in a body that belongs to you.

They get into the actual science — cardiovascular benefits, dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and yes, headaches — and then into the harder question: how do you share that with someone who is depleted, running on empty, and already feeling like everything is a should?

Debby also unpacks responsive desire and the crucial difference between willingness and wanting — including the very real risk of responsive desire being used as pressure, and why that misses the point entirely. They talk about what it takes to reconnect to desire that has genuinely gone quiet — not just low, but offline — and whether it ever really comes back.

Plus: why couples stop touching each other completely, the fear underneath non-sexual touch, the couples who stopped initiating without a single fight about it, and why there is always a reason — even when brain fog means you can't remember what it was.

And Debby shares details of her free welcome course at sexandintimacycounseling.nl — no appointment needed, no commitment, just a place to start.

Find Debby Poort: yellowwood.nl
Got a question for Debby? DM us on Instagram or email damparentingpodcast@gmail.com