The children divorcing their parents | Maiden Mother Matriarch 208

Back in 2013, the Obama administration endorsed an ad campaign that came to be derisively known as the “pajama boy” campaign. “Pajama boy” was actually an adult man who encouraged young adults to make the case for Obamacare over Thanksgiving dinner with their relatives. “Wear pajamas. Drink hot chocolate. Talk about getting health insurance.” was the tag line. Most people thought it was pretty silly and the image survives now as an online meme.

In retrospect, “pajama boy” was actually a little bit sinister because it was symptomatic of a shift in the culture. While families have always fallen out over personal conflict, it is now increasingly common for relationships to break down over politics. This is directly downstream of a new expectation that confronting relatives about political disagreements at the family dinner table is not just acceptable, but actually virtuous.

My guest today has written a book about the rise of family estrangement, and particularly of adult children going ‘no contact’ with their parents. The proximate trigger for this new kind of divorce is often political: arguments about Trump, or Covid, or gender identity are common. But behind these individual conflicts, Noelle Mering argues, is a profound shift in our attitudes towards the family, and the mainstreaming of a troubling idea: that some members of our own families are expendable.

Noelle Mering is a fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center in Washington D.C. and author of the new book ‘No Contact: How a Seductive Ideology Broke Families and Friendships and How We Can Repair Them.’ She is also a wife and mother of six children.

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