You're Allowed to Enjoy Being Awake at Night

Here's what I used to do at night when I had insomnia before I finally fixed it.

A book. A podcast. A show. I listened to a video. Something I like that can take my mind off of the anxiety at 2 am.

I know how that sounds.

I spent 5 brutal years doing the opposite, lying there in the dark forcing it and getting angrier by the hour. This is now the first thing I give my clients for the middle of the night.

You already know you can't force sleep. So the only question left is what you do with the time.

You can lie there thinking about how awake you are. Counting the hours until your alarm. Or you can give your mind something better to do.

Because when we feel less awful when we're awake, we worry less. And less worry is what lets sleep come back on its own.

Way one. Do it in bed.

Pick something you like and do it lying down. The goal is not to knock yourself out. It's to give your mind something to do besides worry.

Now as you're doing your thing, keep half an eye out. At some point your eyes might get heavy.

You might yawn. Your head might start to nod. When that happens, stop and close your eyes, and see if sleep is ready.

If it isn't, no big deal. Go back to what you were doing. The key here is patience.

Grabbing at sleep the second you feel a bit tired is just another way of forcing it. And that pushes sleep further away.

Way two. Get out of bed.

And no, this is not the CBT-i rule where you get up after 20 minutes and watch the clock all night. There is no timer here.

Sometimes lying in bed might stress you up even more. Your heart is going. Your body is tense. Your mind is racing.

When that happen, you can get up, leave the room and change the scene.

Then do something relaxing. Read on the couch. Watch something easy. Same idea as before, just in a different spot.

When you start to feel sleepy, head back to bed and see what happens. Still awake later? Get up again. There is no wrong move here, as long as you are not fighting for sleep.

The one thing that might backfire.

Whether you stay in bed or get up, there is one way to ruin this. Turning it into a sleep effort - doing something to make sleep happen.

The second you think "I'll read for 20 minutes and then I'll be tired enough", you have turned a nice activity into a sleep effort, or anything you do to try and MAKE sleep happen.

It adds pressure. Pressure adds worry. And worry is what keeps the alarm in your brain switched on.

So keep it easy. You are doing something you enjoy because being awake does not have to be miserable. That's it.

If sleep comes, great. If it doesn't, you spent the night doing something you like instead of something that made you feel worse.

Some nights this will feel easy and you'll fall asleep faster.

Other nights nothing will seem to "work" no matter what you try, and you might worry you have lost all your progress.

Both are normal, and neither one decides how this goes.

So pick your thing tonight. Have the book or the podcast ready before you get into bed, so you are not deciding at 2 in the morning. Then use it.

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To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause - hyperarousal.