DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309)

What can DBT teach us about turning invalidation into joy?

Dr. Kiki Fehling and Dr. Ann Kelley explore how chronic invalidation can shape emotional regulation, identity, and self-worth, particularly for queer and trans individuals. Through the lens of DBT and minority stress, Kiki shares how understanding these experiences can help challenge internalized shame, build resilience, and move beyond simply healing – and make space for authenticity, connection, and queer joy.

“Internalized shame can be healed through community.” – Dr. Kiki Fehling Time Stamps for DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309)

00:27 Understanding chronic invalidation in parenting and garegiving
02:05 How invalidations lead to emotional dysregulation
04:37 Adult consequences of childhood invalidations
07:00 Invalidation beyond parenting: Queer identity and society
07:59 Minority stress and queer invalidations
14:51 Using DBT to cultivate joy and self-acceptance
23:06 Practical tools: Books and resources for self-directed DBT

About our Guest – Dr. Kiki Fehling

Dr. Kiki Fehling (they/she) is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and DBT-Linehan-Board-certified expert in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Passionate about making evidence-based mental health information more accessible, Kiki focuses on advocacy and public education around suicide prevention, LGBTQIA+ mental health, borderline personality disorder, and the intersection between mental health and heart health. She is the author of The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook, Self-Directed DBT Skills, and DBT Cards for Coping Skills. Kiki also writes the Substack newsletter How To Queer Joy, volunteers for nonprofits Now Matters Now and WomenHeart, and shares DBT skills and mental health resources across social media @dbtkiki.

Resources for DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309) The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook – Find Emotional Resilience, Self-Love, and Queer Joy with Dialectical Behavior Therapy Self-Directed DBT Skills – 3-Month DBT Workbook Dr. Kiki Fehling’s website – Additional resources and information @DBTKiKi – Official Instagram page @DBTKIKI – Official Tiktok page DBTKIKI – Official Youtube channel How To Queer Joy – Official Substack Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!

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