How to Build Real Relationships in the Music Industry — Without Networking

This one started with a DM. A listener named Solomon wrote in describing something almost every engineer has felt but rarely admits to: he'd worked intensely with an artist for a year, and the day they released a new song mixed by someone else, he felt cheated on. He knew it was childish. He said so himself. He asked how Dee and Lu deal with it.

What followed was one of the longer, more wide-ranging conversations the show has had — and it never really left the topic, it just kept going deeper.

Dee and Lu start with the uncomfortable truth: the music industry is transactional by nature, and that's not entirely a bad thing. At higher levels especially, a degree of professional distance makes feedback easier to give and receive, keeps emotions from overriding the goals of the project, and protects both parties from the kind of over-familiarity that stifles creativity. The artists who rotate through engineers constantly — Dee floats the theory that some of them do it precisely because they know how hard they are to work with, and keeping the relationship professional gives them a way to keep going without the emotional weight.

From there the episode turns into a genuine masterclass on how to actually build relationships in this industry — without networking. Dee's core position is that the number one mistake people make when trying to build a network is trying to build a network. The best relationships he's built in LA didn't start with a pitch, a session offer, or a business card. They started with two people who genuinely liked each other and found something to talk about that had nothing to do with work. He shares a story about watching a producer invite a rapper he'd never heard to make a song together — purely because they got along. No music heard. Just vibes.

Lu adds the practical layer: how to check in on clients and collaborators in a way that feels genuine rather than transactional, how to use shared interests as an entry point, and why showing up as a full human being with hobbies and passions outside of audio makes you more interesting — and more memorable — than someone whose whole identity is their craft. He also closes with a point about woodworking and acoustic panel building that connects back to the episode on making things: your outside interests are not a distraction from your career. They are part of what makes people want to be around you.

The episode wraps on desperation — the one energy that kills every professional relationship faster than anything else, and the one that becomes hardest to avoid when things get hard. Dee and Lu are direct about it: don't come off desperate. Not in your texts, not in your compliments, not in how often you reach out. Genuine relationships don't need to be performed. The person you're trying to keep will feel the difference.

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