The Awkward Bits

Welcome to The Awkward Bits, where every Thursday Vic flies solo, digging a little deeper into Monday’s topic, picking apart the bits we didn’t quite get to and exploring all the stuff that got left behind once the microphones were switched off.

And oooof, you lot had a lot to say about sober sex. Vic’s been reading your emails and messages after Monday’s episode with Ulrika and it seems we are definitely not the only ones who found the whole sober intimacy thing a little bit, well, awkward. Who knew taking your clothes off without first drinking half a bottle of wine could require quite so much concentration?

So this Thursday, Vic is going deeper. Not into the drunken one night stands, beer goggles and questionable sexual decisions we talked about on Monday, but into what happens when you take alcohol out of sex altogether.

Why can it suddenly feel so difficult to relax? Why do you become painfully aware of your body, your noises, your face and where the bloody hell you’re supposed to put your arms? What happens when alcohol has been your shortcut from normal everyday life into feeling sexy for years, and suddenly that shortcut isn’t there anymore? Vic looks at some of the science behind alcohol, inhibition and arousal, and shares some of your experiences of learning to have sex without that familiar glass of wine beforehand. She also explores something she’s been wondering about in her own sobriety. Did alcohol actually make us more sexually confident, or did it simply make us care less?

There’s also the question nobody really warns you about when you stop drinking. What if your sober sex drive isn’t the same as your drinking one? What if desire takes a little longer to arrive? What if you discover you need connection, affection, safety, time or, in Vic’s case, apparently an appointment in the diary?

Maybe sober sex isn’t worse. Maybe at first it’s just more real, more vulnerable and considerably harder to hide in.

Another short, honest and slightly uncomfortable Thursday rummage through the bits of sobriety we don’t talk about enough.

Clothes optional.

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