Traffic School - Six Cops Couldn't Catch A Pig, But A Chihuahua Nearly Took Down A Police Officer - 10/16/2026

Welcome to another edition of Traffic School, where the laws of the road collide with questionable personal behavior, expensive diesel fuel, angry spouses, wild animals, and a group of people who apparently consider calling law enforcement in the middle of the night a perfectly acceptable recreational activity. Viktor Wilt and Lieutenant Crane kick things off with a discussion about radio presentation, explaining how a mellow song requires a mellow transition while a death-metal banger demands a completely different level of energy. Naturally, this leads to a brief investigation into Viktor's shirt, which appears to be fighting for its life, and the possibility that he should either buy larger clothes or lose weight. The Hulk Hogan fantasy of ripping the shirt off in a triumphant display of masculine glory is floated, but the garment remains intact, presumably because the economy has made replacement clothing a luxury item. Then the conversation takes a sharp turn into Viktor's recent behavior, including the alleged return to the wagon after an incident involving late-night calls to law enforcement. While watching Live on Patrol, Viktor witnessed officers in Tempe, Arizona, attempting to capture a wild javelina with a catch pole, joined at various points by multiple officers and two apparent civilian volunteers who decided that an already ridiculous situation needed additional participants. Viktor found this so entertaining that he called a friend at approximately 1 a.m., apparently delivering commentary about how the situation should have been resolved hours earlier. Unfortunately, the call was a butt dial, meaning the recipient got a surprise nighttime broadcast without even having to tune in. Lieutenant Crane contributes a story from his law enforcement career involving a search warrant, a supposedly intimidating Doberman, and a team prepared to deal with a potentially dangerous animal. The Doberman, however, had apparently decided that law enforcement was above its pay grade and hid beneath the master bedroom bed. The actual security threat turned out to be a Chihuahua that spent the operation biting Crane's ankles. One dog was a trembling furniture accessory; the other was a tiny ankle-destroying menace apparently operating under its own aggressive wildlife management policy. The hosts then discuss the joys of harassing friends, agree that giving someone a hard time can be a sign of affection, and casually entertain the idea of calling Lieutenant Crane in the middle of the night again. Listeners are advised not to imitate Viktor's behavior, which is probably the most responsible public safety announcement of the entire broadcast.

The show then launches into Traffic School, powered by The Advocates Injury Attorneys, with the promise that listeners can call in with questions about traffic law and potentially win money. The first caller, Crazy Carl, arrives with a promotional agenda of his own: the upcoming Trunk Retreat event benefiting Toys for Tots. Last year's event reportedly attracted around 2,000 children and raised approximately $1,700 for the charitable cause, and Carl encourages everyone to participate regardless of what vehicle they drive. After a brief technical struggle involving baseball music, the conversation immediately returns to the kind of material that makes this show sound like a deposition conducted inside a malfunctioning comedy club. Carl asks whether he can drunk-dial the hosts at 1 a.m., and the hosts explain that they are not necessarily opposed to receiving calls, although the distinction between being buzzed and being drunk is not exactly a loophole anyone should be testing. From there, Carl describes a frustrating traffic situation involving a left turn, blocked lanes, and drivers who seem incapable of recognizing that another human being might be attempting to navigate an intersection. The story eventually reaches a moment in which Carl admits to briefly driving into oncoming traffic before moving into the middle lane, because apparently waiting for a safe opening was competing with his schedule and losing. The hosts roast him for his driving decisions, his age, and his inability to turn his neck, before the conversation somehow morphs into a discussion of sleeping positions, shoulder pain, and a spouse who slapped someone awake. This is the point at which the show establishes that even a question about road safety can somehow become an investigation into domestic battery. One caller's marital grievance becomes another person's criminal-law hypothetical, and everyone seems entirely comfortable with the transition.

Things get even stranger when a caller asks Lieutenant Crane about red-dyed diesel fuel and a temporary suspension of certain restrictions. The discussion focuses on the reported 30-day change affecting diesel use, with Crane warning that the rules may differ when drivers cross into other states. The caller believes the savings could amount to roughly $1.50, while the hosts counter with smaller estimates, turning the national issue of fuel costs into a courtroom battle over the financial significance of forty-two cents. At current fuel prices, every penny apparently deserves its own congressional hearing. The conversation touches on the enforcement of dyed diesel regulations, the role of the tax commission, and the potential consequences of using fuel improperly. Then comes the obligatory Facebook misinformation discussion, because no Idaho radio broadcast is complete without somebody insisting that a plainly false online claim must be true simply because it appeared between family photos and a blurry picture of a sunset. The hosts move on to electric motorcycles and scooters, with Crane explaining that rules can vary by city and that listeners should check local ordinances rather than assume every municipality follows identical regulations. Another caller asks whether passengers can drink alcohol in a moving vehicle. The answer involves open-container restrictions, the special considerations surrounding motorhomes, and a genuinely concerning story about a limousine driver arrested for drinking while transporting high school students to a dance. Imagine the collective realization inside that limousine when the driver, whose job is literally to transport the passengers safely, becomes the most immediate transportation hazard. The hosts correctly emphasize that people should not drink and drive, especially when children are involved, before the broadcast returns to its preferred operating condition: complete conversational instability.

Then Ravonda calls in with an alleged traffic stop that sounds like it was assembled by someone who lost a bet with a cartoon character. She claims she received a DUI while riding a regular pedal-powered bicycle, accompanied by four cats and some beer cans. The story is immediately subjected to scrutiny by Lieutenant Crane, who explains that Idaho's DUI law, as discussed on the program, concerns motorized vehicles, while public intoxication may be a separate issue. Ravonda would like help getting out of the ticket, but Crane declines to become her personal legal escape hatch. The hosts joke about jail, bribery, open containers, and the logistical challenges of drinking beer while riding a bicycle. Ravonda proposes placing the beverage in the front basket and taking occasional swigs while riding, which prompts a reminder that operating a bicycle one-handed is dangerous. Crane has a collarbone story to support that warning. It is a rare moment when the show briefly approaches an actual public safety lesson before veering directly back into the absurd. Another caller asks whether Idaho State University public safety officers can issue speeding tickets, leading to a discussion of jurisdiction, campus parking enforcement, and handicap parking violations. Crane distinguishes between parking matters and traffic enforcemen...