Darcy on how to be a mom who can talk to their kids about pornography.
Mothers day! As a mom how often do you talk to other moms about pornography and how often do you find that their kids are struggling? Mom’s often bear the burden of talking about pornography with their kids, what tips would you offer any mom who wants to begin creating an open dialogue with their kids around pornography? There is often a lot of guilt and shame for moms when they find out their child is looking at pornography. Why do you think that is? What ideas would you offer to moms to help them eliminate the shame for themselves so they can come to that conversation with their kids in a frame of mind that they can be pleased with? When you go to mothers retreats like the one you just attended, you seem to find that everyone wants to talk to you about your work once they find out about it. What would you say to women who don’t know who to talk to about the struggles they are having with pornography and their children?
10 Maj 202135min
I'm An Addict, Right?
zachspafford.com/freecall You’re addicted to pornography, Right? Monthly webinar T: The addiction Causes Problems. F: Stress · Addiction means I’m not responsible for my actions – · Addiction can be a rationalization that our brain offers when we want to believe we are a good person even though I don’t always live up to my values. · What is the value in believing “I’m an addict?”
2 Maj 202120min
Do you hold your husband to an impossible standard?
Do you hold your husband to a standard that you yourself can’t uphold? This idea has been on my mind a lot lately. We are all designed to notice beauty Just because we notice beauty it doesn’t have to mean anything Is it possible to notice and appreciate beauty and still live in line with out values
26 Apr 202116min
Exercising Faith and Prayer to eliminate pornography - part 2
That’s faith. Let’s talk about prayer. I’ve often gone back to the bible dictionary to understand this principle and I am struck by what it teaches about the nature of prayer. First, it is work. So many of us go through prayer as though it were just an incantation that we learned to conjure the spell of this blessing or that. The way we pray over our food may be an example you can look to for what I mean. But work is uncomfortable, sometimes strenuous, and, often, marked by giving up something we want. Interestingly, one of the only things that we have that we can give up is our will. And in this context, our will is often, as much as it is anything in our lives, the desire to feel good here and now. When we layer that idea into our pornography use, it’s important to acknowledge that the thing we are often seeking when we seek out pornography is to feel good, here and now. In the ancient world, people hit themselves in the chest or tore their clothing as demonstrations of sorrow. They were, in their attitude of prayer, literally giving up comfort in the here and now and paying the cost of discomfort in giving up their will to God in that moment. Second, It is not a commandment, it is a conversation. It is an opportunity to acknowledge what we’ve been given by our Heavenly Father. It is an opportunity to discuss with him what we believe we need, want, and desire. Prayer is an intimate expression of our weakness and dependence on our Father. It is an opportunity to express and experience the love He has given us. Prayer, as far as I can tell, has two main purposes. Firstly, it is meant to help us bring our will into concert with that of God’s. Secondly, it is a place to seek out the blessings that are already ours, but that we are required to ask for. All of this, in my view, brings the discussion we are having with Heavenly Father about our pornography struggle into a bright highlight of what we might do better to fully realize the blessings our Father has in store. So lets start with the phrase that I used and I’m sure many of you have as well. “Lord, please take this pornography problem away from me.” That may not be your exact wording but, it is likely similar to things you’ve said in your moments of want and struggles to end pornography in your life. Let’s dissect where this type of prayer might miss the most powerful parts of prayer. First off, this sounds like we are giving up our will to HF. We’re thinking, I don’t want this problem any more, I can just ask HF to take it away and make it so that I don’t have to struggle with it, because I’ve asked for a clearly good thing. I’ve asked that I no longer look at pornography. But what this misses, is that in asking HF to “take this away” we are asking Him to be in charge of our choices. Problem there is, he gave you agency, he isn’t taking it back. It also doesn’t account for work. This is a want, a wish list item that doesn’t have any cost to it except that you asked for it. This is like a little girl who asks her dad for a pony. All she does is say, I want it and doesn’t create any path to making it a reality. But, you say, this is a blessing that God might be willing to grant. Sure, I think that might be possible. But I also think it is unlikely. To be honest, I don’t think HF cares if you look at pornography. I don’t think that sits high on his priority list of things to eliminate from your life. What I believe HF wants for each of us is an abiding testimony in the...
19 Apr 202113min
Faith and Prayer in eliminating Pornography - Part 1
Download the talk Zach mentioned on the podcast free. https://www.zachspafford.com/podcast-freebie
11 Apr 202113min
Easter, the Atonement and Agency
zachspafford.com/workwithme
5 Apr 202122min
What Does Life After Pornography Look Like?
Set up a consult at zachspafford.com/workwithme
28 Mars 202124min
Creating Priorities Make It Easier to Say No
Learn how saying no to something in your life is easier when you know what your real priorities are.
22 Mars 202114min
