S5E75 - WE KNOW WHAT A JELLYBEAN IS (FREE PART)

In this Special Edition of GOML, we dish all the latest celebrity gossip on Milo, Justin Theroux, and Will Ferrell. I also get into this right VS. left civil war and how likely the left is to be crushed by the gun-owning, super grumpy, right wing brawlers they keep picking fights with.

29 Juni 201835min

I start out talking about this new trend of yelling at Trump supporters for no other reason than you’re a mental patient. I went through it recently at a baseball game and it’s not scary or shocking. It’s just weird. Like when a homeless person zeroes in on you for some crazy reason. Then, I get into people picking fights with someone they couldn’t possibly take. Most of us learned not to do this at an early age but today’s youngsters want to throw down with people who would happily eat them for breakfast. Finally, I start talking about dealbreakers men have when it comes to women’s beauty. Outside of morbid obesity, there is one doozy we just cannot bend on. See if you can guess what it is (no it’s not a penis, you weirdo).

26 Juni 201840min

This was supposed to be about how weird it is to be gay but I went off on a tangent about some jerk who peed all over the toilet seat in Montreal and I sat on it. How are we, in a modern Western society, having to wash stranger’s pee off our butt cheeks and legs?

22 Juni 201854min

I start out getting mad at Tina Fey for pooping on America using the cute humor that came from having an awesome midwestern childhood with conservative parents. This leads to chastising all baby boomers for basically doing the same thing. Then, I take a 90 degree turn and devote the rest of the show to this weird mod kid I knew named Matt who kidnapped his girlfriend and went to prison for a long time. Back when we were roaming the streets of New York City, we broke into a Tofu factory and discovered dozens of illegal aliens being kept as slaves.

19 Juni 201857min

Like you, I grew up assuming all jocks were date rapers and all beta-male, feminist ally, stand-up comedians were good people with a heart of gold. Turns out, the opposite is true. It appears nerds such as Chris Hardwick are the ones abusing women while the alpha male jokes are washing the barf off of drunk girls and carefully tucking them in. At the end, we discuss SaveTommy.com and how important it is to pitch in.

15 Juni 201847min

Most of this podcast is about the NY Mag article that just came out entitled, “A Company Built on a Bluff.” New Vice and old Vice are obviously denoted by me leaving in 2008 and it certainly wasn’t a bluff back then. I don’t know much about them post 2008 but I’m assuming that when the sales guy takes over the editorial, the content is going to get a lot more advertorial.

12 Juni 201846min

I start out railing against schools and teachers and how totally incompetent they all are. New York City schools are way worse than you could possibly imagine. It’s basically one big Animal House (but less funny). Then we get deep into the Nazi myth and how insane you’d have to be to honestly think white supremacy is a real thing and a threat to American society. It’s no less nuts than Bigfoot chasing.

8 Juni 201851min

It’s back to adolescence for today’s podcast where I go over all the times I almost died in the 80s. It’s the same for everyone right? Didn’t we all almost drown that one time or we were standing too close to the edge of a building before a perceptive friend grabbed us and pulled us back to safety. I guess the ones who did fall off aren’t hear to read this. Being a teenager is real and it’s fun but it’s not real fun to constantly be kicking the grim reaper in the nuts and asking, “So, what are you going to do about it, wimp?” Thank God we all made it.

5 Juni 201840min