Episode Swap: Secure Relating with Ann & Sue on The Baffling Behavior Show (239)

Ann and Sue’s reflections on the past 5 seasons with the theme of Growing Security In today’s episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley conclude their fifth season, and it’s all because of our listeners and audience that we’ve been able to maintain our Apple Top 10 Social Science (independently produced!) podcast.  We’ve had many brilliant people on for interviews, and today we’re going to talk about some of the highlights of these episodes since it’s unlikely that you may have heard all 150 episodes. We’re doing this podcast because we’re excited about it, we’re passionate about it, and we are creating this content for ANYONE to help you grow security in your life. It’s a GLBTQI+ inclusive, female-led, independently produced show that will always be FREE to everyone (not on paid platforms), and we will try our best to remain AD-FREE thanks to our patrons.  The general theme is all about deepening security in yourself and your close relationships. Use the search button on our website to find topics you enjoy. We are working to lift under-represented voices so if you have a recommendation for a guest we may not know about, send us a note. We continue to value sharing the privilege of the mic.  As July is BIPOC Mental Health month (see below for resources and detail), we highlight several episodes on Hip Hop, community-based treatment and the story of resilience shared by Alphaso Appleton from Liberia. Looking Back on 150 Episodes to help you grow security in your relationships: TU133: Holding Your Own 1: Messy but Secure Relating On the Holding Your Own series, most frequent comment was an appreciation of basic humility in discussing mental health. Many of you think it’s refreshing that the podcast is about content not about personalities. TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change TU130 – The Deep Biology of Love – Oxytocin Unpacked, with Research Pioneer Dr. Sue Carter The fact that Dr. Sue Carter launched the study of oxytocin makes ME happier! TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr. Stephen Porges TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana TU117: Resilience Trauma and the Brain W/ Guest Bruce Perry MD, PhD TU106: What Actually Heals in Therapy with Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams The difficult person we struggle with may be evoking the parts of ourselves that we hate.  It could be a disowned part that we have shame about, and we’re seeing a mirror. TU141: How We Become the Person’s We Are with Dr. Alan Sroufe, Attachment Through the Lifespan TU56: How We Come to Define Ourselves – Attachment Research Over Decades with Guest Alan Sroufe He talked about getting to know who we are, and our own authentic self. He’s a preminent attachment researcher in the field. TU89: Neurofluency – with Dr. Lou Cozolino, Applied Neuroscience Made Understandable One of the things Lou said that stuck with me was “You have to get in touch with your own flexibility, and tolerate the anxiety of your own ignorance.” TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined It’s about being a good learner TU51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert Dr. Steve Finn TU81: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Guest Juliane Taylor Shore She talks about the Jello Wall, between you and something else to help think.. is this about me? TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselmann, Bonus Episode TU42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2) TU43: Sexual Vitality – Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun-Harvey (Part 2 of 2) Reframing “losing your virginity” to acknowledging your “sexual awakening”. TU69: Exploring Intersecting Genders – What We Can All Learn with Guest Li Brookens We are proud to be LGBTQ+ welcoming in all of our content.  The intersecting gender episode w Li Brookens was really impactful (we wonder if it remains fresh and up to date re: language though since it’s a few years old). TU139: Boys and Sex, Modern Young Men and Sexuality with Peggy Orenstein TU128 – Helping the Intense Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach TU38: The Blended Family – How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships This is a resoruce for anyone dealing with blended families to avoid high conflict through stress. Each position deserves a ton of compassion – the biological parent, the step-parent and the child. TU23: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff TU125: Dan Siegel and Tina Payne-Bryson on Presence in Times of Stress TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson TU62: The Luv Doc – Dating and Relationship Advice from the Trenches with Dan Hardick One of the pieces of advice that was powerful on ideal love was to look at your list of who you want. Could YOU live up to that list? Look at your own date-ablility, add some humility and hope and work from there. TU120: Finding Security and Healing Attachment with Dr. David Elliott TU34: Treating Attachment Difficulties with Dr. David Elliott We have forged a wonderful friendship and writing relationship with David Elliott. Highly recommend 34 and 120, in 120 he demonstrates the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol. TU 87: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown TU03: Different Sex Drives – Are We Screwed? One of the big hints for this one is that when you have two people with different drives, acknowledge the loss to the other person. Example, “I know you would rather be having more adventurous sex and that part so far hasn’t working out for us. It must be hard for you, and it means a lot to me that you are setting those desires aside while I work out what I am comfortable with.”  Dose those acknowledgements generously and it’ll save you a few years in therapy. TU85: Attachment in the Classroom with Guest Linno Rhodes TU119: For the Love of Men, Rethinking Masculinity with Liz Plank It’s important to talk to men about overturing the patriarchy. It’s not a gender war, it is a war between those who are wedded to a power-over heirachal system and those who are fighting for mutuality, raising voices of the under-represented and having freedom in individual expression. TU12: If It’s Not Good For You; It’s Not Good for Us – Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin TU121: Redefining the Purpose of Relationships During Quarantine with Stan Tatkin TU07: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It Group Therapy is one of the most powerful things you can do. TU22: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy TU17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits – Why We Drop the Ball We’re not weak, humans just don’t really have a lot of willpower. It comes down to the fact that if you entertain eating the marshmellow, if you hold an internal  debate about it, you will likely give in. It’s about fatigue. TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU124 – Hip Hop as Therapy: Beat Making, Lyrics & Community Empowerment I was super anxious to offend, but it was deeply important and I loved it because I grew so much. TU127 Grandma Heals: Community-Based Mental Health Care from Zimbabwe with Dr. Ruth Verhey It was a great way to highlight community based care that is highly effective treatment. You can find a whole category with Narcissism. Discussing Race, Class & Privilege Episodes: 20, 109,123, 124, 127 & 145. Next Season Highlights: We’re exploring a series called “Therapy Vitamins” ie. super short snippets with no fluff at all to give you healthy little secure relating snacks, nutrients for you, your life, your relationships. We’re excited for our upcoming episode with Carol George, originator of several attachment instruments including the Adult Attachment Projective. You will LOVE this discussion on adult attachment, so stay tuned. Over the break, we are focusing on our online community group of Patreon neuronerds and finishing this dang book we are working on! However we will continue to publish some must-not-miss or worth-hearing-again episodes as replays! Don’t forget to join our Facebook Group, if you’d like to continue this conversation with other people! As a reminder, July is Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, also known as BIPOC Mental Health Month. Formally recognized in June 2008 (and still currently recognized today), Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month was created to bring awareness to the unique struggles that underrepresented groups face with regard to mental illness in the U.S.  Bebe Moore Campbell was an American author, journalist, teacher, and mental health advocate who worked tirelessly to shed light on the mental health needs of the Black community and other underrepresented communities.  To continue the visionary work of Bebe Moore Campbell, each year Mental Health America (MHA) develops a public education campaign dedicated to addressing the mental health needs of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC). Resources for BIPOC Mental Health Month: https://mhanational.org/sites/default/files/BIPOC-MHM-Toolkit-2021_Final_03_0.pdf https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2020/06/a-reading-list-on-issues-of-race/ https://www.magellanhealthcare.com/documents/2021/06/mental-health-resources-for-bipoc-and-lgbtq-communities.pdf/ You are invited to join our private online community through Patreon. It offers extra content and access, including reading groups…  Super cool – it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to meet you there. Enjoy this episode? Please share, or rate/review – a powerful way to help us expand our reach. Tweet this!

22 Juli 202143min

Attachment today In today’s episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley provide an overview of the Modern Attachment – Regulation Spectrum – a model developed to integrate the varied attachment research, relational neuroscience, and the impact of culture & context. In this episode, they discuss what they call BAMA and the 3 R’s, which will come out in more detail in a book they’ve been working on for, well, quite awhile – so they just tell you the ideas here. 🙂  They also dig into attachment theory, internal working models, and states of being versus personality structure as they relay some of what they’ve learned in the past 5 seasons. It’s a packed episode to summarize some of the 5 years this podcast has been produced.  Note: This podcast is a labor of love, and our patrons keep us free of corporate ads – thank you. We don’t sell anything except this course below on the attachment spectrum, which we created due to many requests. We aren’t here for a profit, just to keep up with production costs so if you can’t afford it, just contact us and tell us what you can pay.  We want everyone to have access that wants it. And, we need to support production of the show, so thanks for any support, shares, reviews or what we’d really love – to also join as a patron. Attachment Spectrum Course Ok, Sue and Ann developed this a while back and need to update it. However, it is power-packed course that goes into much more detail than they could on the podcast – it’s 4 hours! long. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, sign up by clicking below, and use OURCLAN as a discount promo code. For therapist, 3 CE hours are available. https://therapistuncensored.com/courses/its-not-me-its-my-amygdala/ You can’t change your unconcious internal models unless you recognize them. BAMA – Biology, Attachment, Maps, & Adult Attachment BAMA refers to the developmental unfolding of what has been called attachment.  This represents the developmental unfolding of what eventually we call adult attachment. Biology – we have a nervous nervous system that requires an older, wiser nervous system to help us feel safe. Polyvagal theory, affective co-regulation, mirror neurons and the 7 circuits of emotion are all online from birth, adjusting and responding to our environment.  Attachment- the first A refers specifically to infant attachment research. Think John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth – or pre-dating them think of Konrad Lorenz and his geese, and Hary Harlow and his monkeys with their wire mothers which demonstrated we need more than milk, or food, to survive.  We need a relationship.  The Strange Situation was an original research instrument that validated Bowbly’s ideas and recognized the categories they later termed as Insecure-Avoidant, Secure, Insecure-Preoccupied and Disorganized Attachment.  Maps are formed when patterns are established based on repeated experiences of the child’s biological drive for emotional safety.   Neural wiring forms to effectively create safety from 6 months to 3 years, and behavioral strategies develop from this basic biology to keep the caregiver close and available. The key here is “available” – some parents are fine being close but should their infant appear distressed or upset with them, they defend, avoid and reject the “needy” baby.  That, my friends, makes them emotionally unavailable, so the toddler learns quickly what to do and what not to do to keep the caregiver open and responsive.  In this case that may mean repressing expressing negative emotions, pushing away needs, and doubling down on the value of self-reliance.  This reduces the unconscious threat in the parent, thus keeping them as available as the toddler can make them. Notice though the whole drive is to create as much closeness as possible, and the internal working model, or map, helps navigate the way. These maps, also called internal working models, are the key to change.  They set us on a trajectory of development that becomes self-reinforcing – if I see the world as unsafe I behave accordingly and thus make the world less safe which confirms my original hypothesis.  Or, I see the world as just fine but myself as unlovable and undeserving, thus I look for evidence supporting this worldview and unconsciously co-create the very experience I most fear. Rejection and abandonment closely follow because while we think we are seeking closeness, our grabbing and not allowing ourselves to be soothed actually causes us to eventually be rejected, the exact thing we unconsciously predict is going to happen anyway.  Adult Attachment, Finally the last A in BAMA. This represents us, now.  We are all grown up on one hand, but we carry forward our shaped nervous system, behavioral strategies, and unconscious maps to navigate the relational world. We love, fight, bond, mate, and parent from the trajectory of the BAM in BAMA – Biology, Attachment and then Maps, or attachment representations.   You need to go through the “Oh God” to get to the realization. The 3 R’s of healing attachment  This is one of many versions of the overall path to healing and recovery.  It names stages but doesn’t identify specifically how to’s just yet.  Instead, this is the basic scaffolding that is recognized in many models including Fonagy, Elliott & Brown, Siegel, and addiction research – pre-contemplation, contemplation, and change.   Recognize – you can’t even begin to relate securely until you value current and historically emotional relating.  If the problem is just your partner, you haven’t begun the journey. Get curious, reflect – we notoriously over-index on the other being a problem and under-index on how difficult we are and how distorted and self-serving our perceptions can be.  Once we begin to recognize that our early experience may be shaping how we relate today, then we can get started.  Recognition is global – in general, do you find value in being curious and reflective about human connection?  It is also individualistic – can you get curious about how you affect others. How other’s reactions play into the next response.  How you recoil at someone crying… what’s THAT about?  Or how you have trouble noticing what she’s done for you and only mark how she’s missed you.  Once we can begin to value this exploration and begin to see that there are larger forces at play than our small left-brain conscious rational minds… only then can we proceed to incorporate the second R.  Re-examine – now that we are on to ourselves, not always trusting other’s perceptions over our own, or realizing we don’t trust anyone but ourselves, then we have hope for change. Rewire – This is not a metaphor, you can literally use your new thinking to change your experience.  You can update your mind, which changes your brain, which then changes your relational experience and perception.  What’s something that you know isn’t true, is inhereted from your history, but you can’t quite let it go? More importantly, what is true that you want to replace it with? OK, let’s get busy doing just that! In this episode: Discussing the overall podcast, tying everything together. The Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum Explaining the 3 Rs. Explaining BAMA Understanding how attachment has evolved. Why a continuum Internal working models The various color stages for the internal working model of attachment. (Blue, Red, Green, Yellow) Tye-Dye, a mention of unregulated stress, and why we need to organize. Don’t forget to join our Facebook Group, if you’d like to continue this conversation with other people! Want more on modern attachment?  Not sure you need it if you heard this episode but here are other one’s like it! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu126-modern-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu79-attachment-spectrum-and-the-nervous-system-quick-review-with-updates/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu145-class-race-culture-and-attachment-re-examined/ Pre-orders are officially available!  Get it now to join in the fun when it arrives April, 2024. Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

8 Juli 202144min

On this podcast we’ve covered a ton about attachment and relational neuroscience, and today we continue to apply these ideas to specific therapies. Emotionally Focused Therapy, a specific approach to couple’s therapy, will be described both personally and professionally.  Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Camille Scent, Ed.S., LPC, LMFT discuss using EFT in working with couples and how it is different than other closely related therapies.  Scent is an expert in this area and has found a way to integrate and explain polyvagal theory as it intersects with this form of couples therapy. Apply ideas from attachment and polyvagal neuroscience to Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) was developed initially by Sue Johnson 30 years ago and it is considered by many as the gold standard in tested, proven intervention for couples. The International Center for Excellence in Emotionally-Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) connects 70 centers around the globe. Our guest today is certified by ICEEFT and is an EFT supervisor for therapists in training. Apply the neuroscience from polyvagal theory to a specific therapeutic approach called Emotionally-Focused Therapy. Who is Camille? Camille Scent, Ed.S., LPC, LMFT, is a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist & Supervisor. She maintains a private practice just north of Atlanta, GA, Wise Heart Families, where she works with couples and families and provides supervision for therapists learning/practicing EFT. She is also a board member for the Atlanta Center for EFT. Camille is also a long-time loyal supporter of Therapist Uncensored via Patreon, and we thank her from the bottom of our hearts. In plainspeak, she’s super smart and has a lot to offer, so if you want to learn more, need couples therapy – a little or a lot – or need EFT supervision – give her a shout! Even high-conflict couples can get closer by focusing on the emotion between them rather than only the content. In this episode: Therapist personal experience in couples therapy using EFT How emotion heals Sue Johnson & development this therapeutic technique Where to focus in couples therapy to heal the relationship – it’s not on content that’s for sure! IFS – Internal Family Systems Therapy The attachment & neuroscience connection — see paper below If you want to study the theory or find an EFT therapist – resources below Resources: Polyvagal Theory & the EFT Negative Cycle,by Camille Scent – full paper at this link The Atlanta Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy (ACEFT), founded by Certified EFT Trainer Michael Barnett, ED.S., LPC, offers training opportunities in Emotionally Focused Therapy, serves as a connecting point for therapists learning/practicing EFT, and maintains a membership directory of EFT trained therapists and EFT workshops for couples & families. The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) was founded in 1998 by Dr. Sue Johnson and her colleagues in Ottawa, Canada. ICEEFT is the organizational body that designs and approves training programs related to Emotionally Focused Therapy, certifies EFT therapists around the world and conducts both process and outcome research studies on EFT. Find an Emotionally Focused Therapist – ICEEFT’s searchable, international directory of therapists trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy Dr. Sue Johnson – personal website for the developer of EFT Resources more specifically for couples/families: “Demon Dialogues” handout – From Sue Johnson’s website, a quick overview/introduction to the most typical patterns couples get stuck in Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love book by Sue Johwwwnson Hold Me Tight Workshops – International listing of Hold Me Tight programs (based on the book) offered by EFT trained therapists Hold Me Tight online program – do it yourself online version of Hold Me Tight Hold Me Tight/Let Me Go – Workshop developed by EFT Trainers Nancy & Paul Aiken that focuses on relationship enhancement for parents and children. Specific variations are offered for adolescents, young adults, and adult children. (They also offer training for therapists.) Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships book by Sue Johnson Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies by Brent Bradley and James Furrow Books for therapists: Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families by Sue Johnson, Ed.D. Stepping into Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Key Ingredients of Change by Lorrie L. Brubacher, M Ed, LMFT, Certified EFT Trainer Emotionally Focused Family Therapy: Restoring Connection and Promoting Resilience By James L. Furrow, Gail Palmer, Susan M. Johnson, George Faller, Lisa Palmer-Olsen (all EFT Trainers) Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds by Sue Johnson The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection by Sue Johnson (updated 3rd edition published in 2020) More excellent therapists talking about therapy – these are good one’s not to miss! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-87-treating-complex-trauma-and-attachment-with-guest-dr-daniel-brown/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/https-therapistuncensored-com-tu140-couples-therapy-experts-ellyn-bader-peter-pearson/ Don’t forget, you are invited to join our private online community through Patreon. It offers extra content and access, including reading groups and a Therapist Directory that is coming soon…  Super cool – it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to meet you there. Enjoy this episode: Tweet about this episode!

25 Juni 202158min

Body-based therapy is important because there is no difference between the mind and the body. Our Patrons linked us with the guest for this show – check them out here!  Bioenergetic therapist Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host, Dr. Ann Kelley, for a conversation on body-focused therapy. Learn more about the interplay between our nervous systems and how it all relates to attachment and trauma. We are diving into body-focused therapy today thanks to one of our patreon’s, who recommended this expert.  In today’s episode join co-host Dr. Ann Kelly and Dr. Robert Coffman’s conversation on using the body to heal the mind. This therapy has been around for over 100 years but it is still not commonplace in a lot of therapy practices. “The trauma is stored in a part of the brain that’s not accessible with language.” Body-focused therapy is old. William Reich published Mass Psychology of Fascism in 1933 and in 1936 was excluded from the International Society of Psychoanalysis. Nonetheless, Reich’s ideas inspired the development of several branches of body psychotherapy, including bioenergetic analysis, biosynthesis, and Hakomi, to name a few. Today, body psychotherapy is practiced in many forms by therapists around the world. Associations such as the European Association of Body Psychotherapy (EABP) and the United States Association for Body Psychotherapy (USABP) oversee the field of body psychotherapy and offer training to interested professionals. Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley for a discussion on body-focused therapy. Body mind brain what is the difference? Your body can determine how you are feeling internally, and you can enhance and limit your progress based on how your body positioning. Freud was able to see depression in someone’s chest. You can see signs of being closed off in the body position even when someone believes that are open to connection. Who is Dr. Robert Coffman? Robert Coffman has been practicing clinical psychology for over 45 years as a relationally oriented somatic psychotherapist in California. He was trained as a humanistic psychologist under the guidance of Dr.Carl Rogers, then as a psychoanalytically oriented psychologist working with Dr. Althea Horner, object relations teacher, and then as a somatically oriented psychotherapist under the tutelage of Bioenergetic trainer Dr. Robert Hilton. Dr. Coffman has integrated object relations theory, deep attachment work with somatic practices from Bioenergetic Analysis, Somatic Experiencing Trauma Work,  and Bodynamic Body Psychotherapy. He is an international trainer in Bioenergetics for the IBA and has been doing individual and group supervision for 40 years. Dr. Coffman specializes in shock and developmental trauma working primarily with adults. Learn about therapist uncensored Those who truly understand body-focused therapy don’t need to hear the story, they can see it working on your physical body. Robert Coffman episode details: Why the body needs to be brought into therapy. What muscular holding patterns are. How the body has reflexive responses to situations. Preventing dorsal vagal shutdown in children. The Body Doesn’t Lie. How posture impacts our mental state. The ability to feel emotions in your body, and using the body to work through them. When you work with the body, transference changes. How our body stores energy and emotion. The profound impact of realizing how your body relates to the deeper meaning Panic Attack is just a label for different things that are happening in the body. You can diffuse that energy. Resources: Links: Dr. Coffman provided a scan of some important pages of The Field of Body Psychotherapy What is BioEnergetic? https://www.bioenergetic-therapy.com/index.php/en/ https://www.bioenergetic-therapy.com/index.php/en/ba-resources/awarded-articles Bioenergetics: The Revolutionary Therapy That Uses the Language of the Body to Heal the Problems of the Mind by Alexander Lowen. Books Dr. Coffman Suggested For Different Levels: If you are into and involved in doing body psychotherapy of any kind: The Handbook of Body Psychotherapy and Somatic Psychology (950 pages) edited by Gustl Marlock and Halko Weiss If you are thinking about bringing the body into your existing talk therapy practice: Body Psychotherapy by Nick Totton Body Psychotherapy edited by Tree Staunton Body-Centered Psychotherapy by Ron Kurtz About a Body edited by Jenny Corrigall and others If you’re already doing some body-informed interventions ( mindfulness, neurologically informed stuff, EMDR, Brainspottin, etc.) but not Body Psychotherapy, then look at these books: Body, Brain, Love: A therapists workbook for Affect Regulation and Somatic Attachment. by Karen Rachels Body Process by James Kepner Emotional Anatomy by Stanley Keleman Relational Somatic Psychotherapy by Robert Hilton In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine Embodied Relating by Nick Totton Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher If you are a bodyworker of any kind but not a psychotherapist I would recommend: Psychology of the Body by Elliot Green and Barbara Goodrich Dunn Haven’t learned enough about body therapy? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu65-sensorimotor-psychotherapy-tuning-into-the-wisdom-of-your-body-with-guest-dr-pat-ogden/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/what-is-somatic-experiencing-with-guest-abi-blakeslee/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu99-food-the-body-trauma-attachment-with-guests-paula-scatoloni-rachel-lewis-marlow/ You are invited …. to join our private online membership of Neuronerds. Become a patron of our show for just a few bucks a month and gain access to us and to the incredibly rich community in Patreon. As a patreon you will get access to small peer-lead reading groups and join a powerhouse community.  As a platinum patron you will be thanked on our website with a link to your practice to support whatever work you do. Importantly, it is specifically because of our patrons that we are able to remain ad-free.  THANK YOU!  We hope you join us, we’d love to see you there. Tweet this episode!

1 Juni 20211h 14min

“Insight is the boobie-prize of therapy,”  Lori Gottlieb in today’s episode. There are many misconceptions and stereotypes about therapy.  In today’s episode join co-host Sue Marriott and Lori Gottlieb’s discussion and get a fast-take on how to use the experience to best get what you actually need. “We are unreliable narrators of our own story. The parts we DON’T see are the ones that can help us the most.” Loro Gottlieb joins co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP for a discussion on the behind-the-scenes look at what therapy really is. In her NYT best-selling book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, Lori shared stories of several patients – including herself- and tells her own story about  seeking therapy and what she learned. She helps people understand how to solve their own problems, understand their behavior and actions, and tap into their “inner knowing” whenever they need it. Too often people expect the therapist to just give them the solution but therapists actually wants to give people the tools to solve their problems as they come up. She shares her approach to therapy today, but also really gives us some background on how important it is to understand that we are telling our own story, and we have the agency to be able to change that narrative and use that to face down the issues in your life. People go to therapy to unlearn themselves. Who is Lori Gottlieb? Lori Gottlieb is a powerhouse, and we are so honored to have her on the show. She is a psychotherapist and author of the New York Times bestseller Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which is currently being adapted as a television series. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The Atlantic’s weekly “Dear Therapist” advice column and is co-host of the popular “Dear Therapists” podcast produced by Katie Couric. She contributes regularly to The New York Times and many other publications and in 2019, her TED Talk was one of the Top 10 Most Watched of the Year. A member of the Advisory Council for Bring Change to Mind, she is a sought-after expert in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, CNN, and NPR’s “Fresh Air.” People go in circles and end up in the same place, but they don’t understand their role in the story might be quite different than they expect. Lori Gottlieb episode details: Being a therapist and also a human, breaking down the wall between the two. How you may be an unreliable narrator in your own story. Why it’s important to understand and know that how you present your story – focusing on the process not the content. Why the role you think you have might NOT be your ACTUAL role. We have a choice in how we respond to issues and people in our lives. “The most effective therapy is a rich human connection,” Lori Gottlieb talking with Sue Marriott. Resources: Visit her website: LoriGottlieb.com Grab her book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Check out her Podcast, Dear Therapists Her column, Dear Therapist in The Atlantic Don’t miss her writings in The New York Times! Haven’t gotten enough of therapy and therapists? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu62-the-luv-doc-dating-and-relationship-advice-from-the-trenches-with-dan-hardick/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu67-a-practical-technique-to-calm-and-confidence-with-guest-richard-hill/ Don’t forget, you are invited to join our Patreon. It offers so much extra content, like book clubs, study groups, but it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to see you there. Enjoy this episode: Tweet about this episode for others to listen too!

17 Maj 202127min

Is what we call attachment security yet another form of privilege? Gulp. If you are marginalized and feel you can add substance to this conversation of class, race, culture, and attachment, please contact us!   We can publish your written word, highlight your work, pass on your perspective or potentially… have you on as a guest.  We and our incredible audience want to listen and learn. With deep respect for the scholars, clinicians, and scientists that have cumulatively developed one of the most solid lines of empirically supported psychological theory in human history, we trust that these are questions those who came before us have previously welcomed and would continue to encourage.  By definition, we cannot know what is unconsciously affecting our perceptions, interpretations, and experienced-based assumptions.  Implicit bias is real though, and it is our absolute responsibility to vet it out and question what we think we know. Our deep hope is that the re-examination of this line of exploration serves to refine, add dimension and thus embolden attachment theory, not diminish it. Given what those of us in the dominant cultures are only slowly consciously realizing, it is extremely hard to see what we don’t perceive.  Questioning one’s relationship with parents can be offensive to some, and not having enough humility and shame can be detrimental in some cultures, ie. the opposite of insecurity.  Working to escape our embedded cultural and experience-based assumptions about what constitutes maternal sensitivity, security and human attachment disorder is not an act, or a podcast, or a moment, but a permanent stance. It’s a WEIRD problem (Western, educated, industrialized, rich and developed) and has perpetuated marginalization and exclusion of those that are different. Don’t underestimate the impact of class, culture and race. In this episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley continue to explore how class, culture, and race impact the path of psychotherapy, especially when it comes to attachment.  They discuss how socioeconomic status (SES) by itself affects human development, (non-gendered) patriarchal assumptions, cultural variations especially related to individualistic versus communal cultures, epigenetics of racial violence and child development impacts of First People’s cultural annihilation, By 2 years of age, the simple fact of income disparity is a huge factor affeting the total surface area of your brain (more is better). The less reliable income or family wealth, the greater the statistical difference.  Complex language exposure and stress are huge variables, and teasing apart that and attachment science is complex. They discuss patriarchy, racial inequality, collectivist versus individualistic cultures, poverty and class – HUGE topics that we too often change check-out lines to avoid awkwardness and the fears of saying the wrong thing or offending someone.  Sue and Ann chose to mess up, unintentionally offend and feel scared and insecure in their words for the greater goal of engaging in conversation and stimulating thinking on how Western white wealthy privilege impacts attachment science and our views on healthy child development overall. NOTE: As the hosts of Therapist Uncensored we are middle-aged, educated, white, cis-women.  We both mostly identify as gay but can pass even when we don’t mean to.  Even though we like to see ourselves as outsiders, we are decidedly not.  We are wealthy relative to the world, have the massive privilege of the mic for a Top 10 show on iTunes with almost 2 million downloads so our voice is ridiculously and undeservedly amplified over other voices. We hope to use our privilege to share the science of relating to those who would otherwise not ever have access and to amplify voices and perspectives that might otherwise not be heard.  We love our collective community of professional mental health providers but don’t limit our programming to therapists only because we know healers come in all forms and not everyone has access or desire to getting letters behind your name. If your voice has been marginalized and feel you can add substance to this conversation of class, race, culture and attachment, please contact us  – we can publish your written word, highlight your website, discuss your work, or potentially have you on as a guest.  We and our audience want to listen and learn. EVEN MORE Resources on class, culture and race: Parenting and Preschooler Attachment Among Low-income Urban African American Families  by Barnett et all https://div12.org/keeping-culture-in-mind-mentalizing-from-a-cross-cultural-perspective/ Is Attachment Theory Consistent with Aboriginal Parenting Realities? Raymond Neckowaya, Keith Brownlee, and Bruno Castellana https://fncaringsociety.com/sites/default/files/online-journal/vol3num2/Neckoway_Brownlee_Castellan_pp65.pdf APA Deep Poverty Initiative Challenge: https://www.apa.org/about/governance/president/deep-poverty-challenge Best Practices in Conceptualizing and Measuring Social Class in Psychological Research by Matthew A. Diemer, Rashmita S. Mistry, Martha E. Wadsworth, Irene Lopez, Faye Reimers http://www.irenelopezphd.com/uploads/1/0/1/4/10149037/best_practices_in_conceptualizing_and_measuring_social_class.pdf Unmasking race, class and culture in the psychoanalytic space Edited by Kate White, drawn from the John Bowlby Memorial Conference. Agishtein, P., & Brumbaugh, C. (2013). Cultural variation in adult attachment: The impact of ethnicity, collectivism, and country of origin. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, 7(4), 384-405. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0099181 Multicultural implications for the applications of attachment theory by Brown et al. American Journal of Psychotherapy. https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu20-developing-racial-identity-with-guests-rudy-lucas-and-christine-schmidt/ Respect this perspective?  Please SHARE this episode, leave us a rating and review on your podcast player, and, SHARE this episode (yes repeated on purpose because word of mouth is the most powerful way to make an impact). Want to hear more about culture class race and attachment from us? Check out these episodes for more awesome perspectives and content!! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu123_narratives_of_fear/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu124-hip-hop-as-therapy-beat-making-lyrics-community-empowerment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu109-this-is-resilience-in-action-with-guest-alphanso-appleton/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu20-developing-racial-identity-with-guests-rudy-lucas-and-christine-schmidt/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu85-attachment-in-the-classroom-with-guest-linno-rhodes/ Join our neuronerd community below, or just look for us on Facebook to get more cool free content!!

27 Apr 202144min

Overcoming fear to gain connection. There is hope for us all – no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships when we conquer our fear. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity. She first heard Feli in a paper entitled A Felicitous Meeting of Attachment and Relational Psychotherapy Daniel N. Stern. The original article was written by H Fischer-Mamblona, both of which are linked in the Resource section.  This has been a helpful story to some who feel rather awkward themselves. We hope you enjoy the story, thank you for your incredible work Dan Stern. About On the Evolution of Attachment-Disorder Behavior by H Fischer-Mamblona Using an example of a goose which grew up in complete isolation, this article shows how escape behaviour increases through all its developmental steps by lack of a sufficient secure primary attachment object. If a gosling has no mother, its fear influences wide parts of its behaviour and blocks the capacity to approach another animal in order to form a new attachment. But the urge for attachment is still alive and provokes strong conflicts between this urge and fear. In these situations displacement activities and apathy occur–attachment-disordered behaviour. Under partly artificial circumstances, a change to ‘normal’ attachment behaviour took place by reduction of escape motivation, which enabled the goose to accept her brood. From this moment on the attachment-disordered behaviour, the displacement activity and the apathy disappeared. Implications to human behaviour are drawn–a comparison between displacement activity and neurotic symptoms, the state of apathy and personal disorder. A synthesis of ethological and psychoanalytical models concerning etiological and therapeutic aspects is discussed. Fear and attachment, not aggression and sexuality–our ‘animal heritage’–are the primary factors which influence our development. The balance of fear and attachment is the basis for a healthy or unhealthy development of social relationships. This applies to social living animals as well as to humans. Find more content on the relational sciences at https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes TU 117:  Resilience and Trauma with Dr. Bruce Perry  Daniel N. Stern wrote The Interpersonal World of the Infant: A View from Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology, which challenges the traditional developmental sequence as well as the idea that issues of attachment, dependency, and trust are confined to infancy, Stern integrates clinical and experimental science to support his revolutionizing vision of the social and emotional life of the youngest children, which has had spiraling implications for theory, research, and practice. Resources: On the Evolution of Attachment-Disorder Behavior – H Fischer-Mamblona The Interpersonal World of the Infant: A View from Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology by Daniel N. Stern – Amazon | Bookshop.org A Felicitous Meeting of Attachment and Relational Psychotherapy  – Daniel N. Stern Haven’t gotten enough of the rich content from Therapist Uncensored? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu31-attachment-on-a-spectrum-navigating-adult-insecurity-and-security/ Tweet

12 Apr 202115min

The Intersection of Narcissism & Abandonment. Four bricks to a narcissistic relations: Fear, Hope, Guilt and Lack of Knowledge. Is narcissism related more to preoccupation or a dismissing state of mind regarding attachment?  You may be surprised.  Learn more about the science of narcissism, abandonment and it’s relationship to attachment theory. Dr. Durvasula shares her deep study into these dynamics and her experience-based wisdom on working with those struggling with it as well as those in relationship to those who have high narcissistic tendencies. If you enjoyed our podcast series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities, then you are gonna love this episode – it only deepens and expands on the ideas presented there.  See #6 of our 6 part series on Holding Your Own in Challenging Relationships. Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP for a discussion on breaking down narcissism and abandonment.  Sue found Dr. Ramani accidentally in a video she stumbled upon where she was a consultant to Will Smith in The Red Table Talk Takeover.   The video was about responsibly confronting a difficult relationship.  She is an excellent clinician that brought professionalism and deeper insight into a high-impact Hollywood story such that helps the public appreciate mentalization and the skills involved in managing difficult relationships. There are presentations of narcissism that are post-traumatic, but there is also narcissism that comes from over-indulgence.  Cringe… both neglect and too much attention?  Don’t worry, we will explain how to hit the right note here. Who is Dr. Ramani? The focus of Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations.  She has spoken on these issues to clinicians, educators and researchers around the world. Her work has been featured at SXSW, TEDx, and on a wide range of media platforms including Red Table Talk, the Today Show, Oxygen, Investigation Discovery, Bravo, and she is a featured expert on the digital media mental health platform Med Circle. To be clear, Dr. Durvasula’s is not just psychologist for Hollywood.  Her research on personality disorders has been funded by the National Institutes of Health and she is a Consulting Editor of the scientific journal Behavioral Medicine. Dr. Durvasula has also been a participant in the governance of the American Psychological Association, and most recently as the Chair of the STAY-MHSAS Training Advisory Committee of the Minority Fellowship Program. Most attractive to our audience, who let’s say … values authenticity, is that she has been described as “brutally honest” when it comes to calling out incivility and selfishness in relationship. If narcissists are so confident why are they afraid of abandonment? Trust us – it’s a driving force. Episode details on narcissism and abandonment: Dismissing states of mind and preoccupation in relationship to attachment and self-centeredness. How narcissists mirror rather than empathize and why that matters so much.  (This is a good way to discern what you are dealing with and to check yourself.) Four main bricks of a narcissistic relationship. The 90 / 10 rule in narcissistic relationships, a great Dr. Ramani idea and suggestion! Self-awareness in relationships – how to cultivate self versus other focus. If you are the one with narcissistic tendencies – thanks for digging into this, that is very cool!  What to do.  (Remember to also check out Therapist Uncensored series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities, referenced above.) Healthy narcissism. Diagnosis concerns & personality disorders. Core behaviors of those with high narcissism. Help for those in relationship with those highly involved with themselves. 🙂 How the educational systems can foster narcissism. We spend 90% of our time on difficult people, leaving only 10% for the good ones. Switch the math! Resources: https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/NPI/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/guide-better-relationships/201908/insecurity-narcissism-and-the-culture-victimhood “Don’t You Know Who I Am”: How to Stay Sane in the Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility. Should I Stay or Should I Go:  Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist, http://doctor-ramani.com/contact/ Her series with Jada Pinkett Smith & family on the Red Table Talk series – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHHWgG7dB6A Haven’t gotten enough of learning about challenging people? https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu111-navigating-narcissistic-relationships-gaslighting-manipulation-and-grandiosity-called-out/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu105-narcissism-what-is-going-on-under-the-defense-with-sue-marriott-and-ann-kelley/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu13-our-powerful-fascination-with-narcissism-in-the-era-of-trump/ Tweet

30 Mars 202149min