How Do You Fill The Void?

Something happened. You got pissed. Now two bad things have happened. That’s just a fact. Because getting angry rarely makes things better—even if it helps you get what you thought you wanted. It taxes your heart. It causes you to be mean to other people. To “win” you had to lose your self-control. This is not to say you should merely accept everything in life. The Stoics were not passive weaklings. It’s that they preferred persuasion, patience, and persistence to yelling. They focused on addressing root causes, not catharsis. How much worse getting mad is than the things that caused it, Seneca said. “Anger always outlasts hurt,” he advised. “Best to take the opposite course. Would anyone think it normal to return a kick to a mule or a bite to a dog?”So if you want to win—at life, at philosophy, at accomplishing what you have set out to accomplish—you’ll need to rein in your temper. You’ll need to figure out the opposite course, develop more than one kind of response to things you don’t like. It’s easy to get angry, but it’s more effective to remain calm and come up with solutions. Tame your temper. Don’t make problems worse by getting angry. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

15 Apr 20202min

One of the trickiest parts of holding yourself to a high standard in life is that it’s only natural to start to expect others to do the same. You’re not taking the easy road, why should they be able to? You’re putting in the work, why aren’t they? You don’t lie, cheat, or steal, is it so crazy to assume others shouldn’t either? Look at your results—where are theirs?Marcus Aurelius must have struggled with this too. He hadn’t wanted to be emperor, but he was pressed into duty. Still, with all this power, he was trying to be good and do good. What was everyone else’s excuse? It’s something that lots of brilliant leaders and talented people have wrestled with through the centuries, whether it’s Kobe Bryant trying to figure out why his teammates aren’t as dedicated as he is, or an A student wondering why the other people in their group aren’t striving for the grade they areWhat we know is that Marcus Aurelius found a way through. We’re told of it by the historian Cassius Dio, and it’s a worthy example for us to think about today:“So long as a person did anything good, he would praise him and use him for the service in which he excelled, but to his other conduct he paid no attention; for he declared that it is impossible for one to create such men as one desires to have, and so it is fitting to employ those who are already in existence for whatever service each of them may be able to render to the State.”We only control our behavior. We can only fully uphold our standards for ourselves. As leaders, we have to work to meet everyone else where they are—get as much as we can from them and of them—but we can’t make ourselves miserable expecting them to be like us. Because they aren’t. What they do is in their control. What we do is in ours. Remember what Seneca learned with Nero: You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. Never forget that. Get the best you can from yourself and hope—but don’t expect—for the best from everyone else. That’s all you can do.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

14 Apr 20203min

It’s one of the most surprising scenes in literature and film. In Fight Club, Tyler Durden walks into a 24-hour convenience store and puts a gun to the head of the cashier. It’s an act of disturbing violence and cruelty. “Give me your wallet,” Tyler says as he presses the barrel against the man’s temple. Then he reads off his name and address: Raymond K. Hessel, 1329 SE Benning, Apartment A. “What did you want to be, Raymond K. Hessel?” Tyler asks, seeing the expired student ID card in the wallet. Then he cocks the pistol. “The question, Raymond, was what did you want to be?”You start to squirm in your seat as you witness this. Please don’t kill him, please don’t kill him. Because up to this point, Tyler Durden has been clever and cool. He has not been a murderer. Is that going to change? Finally, to our relief, Hessel, panicking, manages to stammer out an answer. A vet, he wanted to be a veterinarian, he says, but gave up because it was too hard, too much school. And now here he is, working behind a counter. Tyler, still holding the gun to his head, makes this promise: If Hessel isn’t back in school by the time he returns in a year, he’s going to kill him. It’s a dark scene, for sure. But it’s also beautiful. “Tyler is practicing a form of tough love,” Fight Club’s author Chuck Palahniuk writes in his new book, Consider This. “Tyler reminds the man of his mortality.” He is doing what the Stoics tried to do to themselves constantly: To remember that there is a gun pointed at our heads always—that we do not have time to waste or fritter away. “You could leave life right now,” Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Let that determine what you do and say and think.” Do everything as if it was the last thing you were doing in your life, he said. Seneca even tells us a story of an emperor who did have the power to kill, as Tyler Durden did in fiction, and said to a weeping prisoner, Is the life you’re living really all that different than being dead?Well, that’s the question and command today: Do not be Raymond K. Hessel. Do not give up on your dreams or live a kind of living death. You have to seize this moment. You have to let your awareness of your mortality give you urgency and purpose. You have to show up. You have to live each second as if it was the last thing you were doing in your life. Because Tyler Durden or not, it just might be. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

13 Apr 20203min

On today’s episode, Ryan talks about the importance of courage in the face of great peril—and the distinction between being scared and being afraid. It's especially relevant in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic.Read the original article here: https://ryanholiday.net/the-important-thing-is-to-not-be-afraid/We’ve made a Four Virtues medallion commemorating courage along with the other Four Stoic Virtues. Get yours at https://geni.us/FourVirtuesThis episode is brought to you by Thrive Market, an online marketplace where you can get over 6000 products, whether it's pantry staples, food, wine, and other groceries, or cleaning products, vitamins, or even bath and body products. They have products for any diet or value system, whether it's vegan, non-GMO, paleo, keto, kosher, halal, non-FODMAP, and more. Visit https://thrivemarket.com/stoic to get 25% off your order today.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

12 Apr 20208min

Ryan speaks with Tim Ferriss, the author, podcaster, and investor. Tim has written five New York Times best selling books, including The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. His podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, has over 400 million downloads on iTunes. He has been an early investor in over 50 companies, including Uber, Facebook, Shopify, and Alibaba. Tim writes a hugely popular blog and has spoken in front of millions of people, whether on TV or to organizations like Google, MIT, Microsoft, and Palantir.(4:57) - How Stoicism has helped them deal with COVID-19(21:30) - How do you process anger about the response?(32:08) - Fear - how do you defend against it? what do you tell someone who is overwhelmed by it?(41:23) - “Turning alive time into dead time”(51:16) - What can people do to help?This episode is brought to you by Athletic Greens. Athletic Greens is a custom formulation of 75 vitamins, minerals, and other whole-food sourced ingredients that make it easier for you to maintain nutrition in just a single scoop. It tastes great and gets you the nutrients you need, whether you're working on the go, fueling an active lifestyle, or just maintaining your good health. Visit athleticgreens.com/stoic and receive 20 free travel packs with your first purchase.This episode is also brought to you by Leesa, the online mattress company. Each of their mattresses is made to order and shipped for free right to your door. All mattresses come with a 100-night trial and a 10-year warranty, so you can feel confident in your investment in a good night’s sleep. And Leesa's hybrid mattress has been rated the best overall mattress by sites like Business Insider, Wirecutter, and Mattress Advisor.Daily Stoic listeners get 15% off their entire order with the code STOIC. Just visit Leesa.com and get your mattress today. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

11 Apr 20201h 7min

It’s the strongest and the most helpful among us that often have the most trouble asking for help. The frontline responders know that their duty is to rush toward the bang, while others run away. A parent knows that they put their own interests and needs behind those of their children. The person who others rely on to be cheerful and fun can feel like they have no one to express their sorrow and pain to. Yes, a Stoic is strong. Yes, a Stoic is brave. Yes, a Stoic does their duty—without complaint, without hesitation. A Stoic carries the load, and willingly carries the load for others when necessary. But they also have to be able to ask for help. Because sometimes that’s the strongest and bravest thing to do. “Don’t be ashamed to need help,” Marcus Aurelius wrote. “Like a soldier storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish. And if you’ve been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up? So what?”Exactly. So what? You’re not looking for a handout. You’re looking for advice. You’re not looking to be exempted. You’re getting your wounds treated so you can get back into the fight. You’re not looking to get an unfair advantage over anyone else. You’re taking advantage of the opportunities that were designed for precisely the situation you’re in. If you need a minute, ask. If you need a helping hand, ask. If you need reassurance, ask. If you need a favor, ask. If you need therapy, go. If you need to start over, go for it. If you need to lean on someone or something, do it. We’re in this mission together. We’re comrades. It’s okay to ask for help. If it makes you better, it’s the right thing to do. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

10 Apr 20202min

Look: none of us are truly self-sufficient. The success of a salesman depends on whether they’ve been given a good product and solid leads. The project manager is only as good as the projects her bosses give her to manage and the employees she decides to hire to work on them. The movie needs a marketing budget if it is to have a chance to build an audience. An athlete’s performance is shaped by their coaching, the teammates the GM gives them, and the resources the organization provides for winning. How a general fares on the battlefield depends on the support of the nation behind them and the courage of their troops. It does not take much to say that history is replete with examples of these critical ingredients not being provided. All sorts of sales teams and armies and athletes being given only a fraction of what they need. The draftee—in sports or in the service—reports to find that morale is crap and the facilities are falling apart. The executive lacks the budget or the direction they need. And? And what should they do? Quit? Whine? Get comfortable with defeat? No. They must say to themselves and their team, as MacArthur did in World War II, looking at the woefully deficient resources provided to him in the Pacific, “In any event, I shall do my best. I shall keep the soldier’s faith.” He said it and then he got to work. He fought island by island, until in the end and despite the odds, victory was his. It was a victory for free people everywhere. The Stoics knew a thing or two about lost causes. They knew about low probabilities. They never let that stop them. Cato gave everything he had, despite what many saw as the inevitable rise of Caesar, to preserve the Roman Republic...and very nearly pulled it off. Washington sat in Valley Forge at the lowest point of the American Revolution, poorly supplied by Congress, undermined by his generals, and put on a play about Cato to inspire him and his men to keep going. Stockdale resisted his captors for nearly a decade, doing his best under incredible circumstances, keeping the soldier’s faith in his country, his soldiers, and himself. You can’t do the same? You think you’re entitled to give less than your all because someone else has let you down? Because things are not to your liking? C’mon. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

9 Apr 20203min

As we’ve discussed, one could look out at the world right now and see a lot of negative. Or you could grab the other handle, as Epictetus says, and see the positive. It’s an open question: Is this a great time to be alive or a terrible one? Are we blessed to have spent twenty years without any major wars, without any truly global crises, with sustained periods of economic prosperity and incredible technological advances? Or has it been twenty years with three major recessions, with the terror of terrorism, disruptive or disappointing tech, and now with a global pandemic?Here’s the Stoic’s answer: It doesn’t matter. Because you don’t control when you live. What history will think of this period compared to other periods is meaningless. The only thing that counts is that you’re alive right now. We don’t choose when we live, we choose how we live. That’s it. You didn’t ask for this moment. Maybe you’d prefer things to be different. Well...they aren’t. And you’re going to have to make do. Understand this and you will be wise. Adhere to it and you will be successful. How can we make the most of right now? That’s the question. How can we live well within—or in spite—of what’s happening? That’s our job. You think Marcus wanted to live through the plague or Epictetus in a time where slavery existed or Seneca during Nero’s rule? Nope. But they figured it out. They made it work. And so can you. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

8 Apr 20202min