Episode 340: The Ultimate Calming Egg

Hi everybody! I have an idea for a crab trap that makes it really hard for crabs to go into the trap, very easy for them to get out, and also it takes up a lot of space on your boat. Basically, it sucks. Hmmm…I think this will be the predominant tool of the industry for, oh, I’ll say, forever. WRONG SHITHEAD! YOU DIDN’T INNOVATE AND NOW YOU’RE DEAD! DEAD LIKE A CRAB!Also on today’s show we’ve got a nice little mascot for a restaurant of sorts, place to store those pesky eyeglasses, and a phone holder that you can break open to reveal the passphrases for a lottery puzzle. Actually it’s been canceled due to being illegal and stupid. But we didn’t know about this then. Because this episode…is from the recent past! Ah! Like our dreaded crab traps! Enjoy.Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.YKS Premium – it’ll have you SHITTING your PANTS with laughter! Or, at least, you will have a mildly nice time with your headphones in. Sign up today at Patreon.com/YourKickstarterSucks to hear all the Kickstarters we can’t put on the regular show, help us waste our money on them, and “fan” “favorite” “segments” like the Jokeblogger Top 10 and 2 Agoraphobes Leave The House! Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! This holiday season, give the gift of stupid bullshit! Gift subscriptions to YKS Premium are now available at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks/giftThis episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands:Uncommon Goods - Common Goods? Uh, yeah, they’re gonna be, uh, THATAWAY —>As for the rest of us wanting that perfect, unique gift this holiday season, we’ll be heading on over to UNCOMMONGOODS.com/yks to get 15% off our next gift!Factor - Yum yum yum, I’ll sure have one! This simple near-rhyme may seem silly and fun, but it actually speaks to a universal truth: Food is ever so yummy nummy. But where to get it? Well, ah! Head to factormeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

18 Nov 20242h 2min

I need to simplify my life. I think probably the best way to do that is to start gluing stuff in my house to each other. That way when I want my spoon, hey, my matches are right there. And my hand towels? Well they won’t go missing again, glued such as they are to my desktop keyboard. Don’t ask me why I need them in the same spot. It’s really only something you can understand when your life is as simple as mine. On today’s show we’ve got, naturally, a way to glue your car keys to your phone, a thing that says it helps people but probably doesn’t (not this show), and a bed that constantly takes your dog’s blood pressure or something. And that’s just the Kickstarters! There’s other stuff in here too, like your friends Mike, JF, and Dan. And oh yeah, the Kickstarters as well. Now where'd I put that danged Post Episode button? It was right here, next to the glue bottle!!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.Oh that thang is thangin! YKS Premium!Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Rocket Money - Zoomin on up! Right up to the wonderful heavens! And we’ll be able to get back down, too, thanks to our friends at Rocket Money! It’s a full on financial suite, and you’re in the big bed! Get Rocket Money today at RocketMoney.com/YKS.Pretty Litter - Oh! Our kitties! How we love our kitties! And we simply must monitor their health. Our friends at Pretty Litte make that darn near simple to do. And it’s so lightweight, it might just weigh less than Mister Biscuits himself! Go to PrettyLitter.com/yks to save 20% on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

11 Nov 20241h 49min

Political division! It’s arguably the biggest problem facing society today, or a fake thing that does not exist at all except in the mind of feckless dorks and opportunistic grifters. Who’s to say! Probably us, I would think. Yeah. I think it’s us guys who get to say what everything is. Also some stuff that “is” this week: a type of coffee that doesn’t make you go to the bathroom, an AI that helps you talk to women, and a religious satire movie that feels at least 20 years out of date. Plus, we don’t say anything about putting down dogs in this episode so everyone’s safe from that. If they don’t read this far I guess. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.YKS Premium - Want more YKS? You Do?! Oh my god! You have to go to the jail hospital! Haha. That would be crazy. But after all, it is one crazy show. Whether it’s even more Kickstarters, real world adventures, or our beloved series of movie review months, Mike and JF (the guys writing this) are always cooking up something fun over on YKS Premium. And best of all, a fourth thing! Wow!Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Uncommon Goods - (voice of your loved one) Oh goodie! The same old junk! I love it! ← Think this’ll happen this holiday season? Nah, me neither. That’s why Uncommon Goods is so perfect. They’ve got those unusual finds and unique gifts that’ll have your friends and family going “Yippee!” And to get 15% off that next perfect purchase, go to UncommonGoods.com/YKS. Factor - Food! It’s the great satisfier. From breakfast to lunch to dinner, and everything in between, food is that classic substance known to fill bellies and titillate mouths. Many believe that’s why we love it so much. But it’s so darn expensive and so annoying to make. That, my friends, is where Factor comes in. Delicious meals, quick! And I’m talkin’ all the foods. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

4 Nov 20242h 28min

What a special episode! We finally got to it! The most cynical Kickstarter we have ever seen! It’s so special to actually get here and know that from here on out, every other unbuildable infrastructure project or card game rip-off or IP cash-in or political pandering or navel-gazing independent film or useless electronic doodad will be at the very least more of a genuine attempt at creating something than the project we talk about on today’s show. I am looking forward to seeing them!In addition to that hunk of crap, though, on today’s show we’ve got some goofy ass bible shit that feels like the end times, a project that attempts to undo the inevitability of meeting our end, and yep, a card game rip-off. Some nice comforting audio slop to offset the gobsmacking offensiveness of today’s star of the show. And no, I ain’t talkin’ about the boys themselves!! For crying out loud! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.Miketober may be over, but YKS Premium is not! They’ll never let us stop making these damn episodes! To wit, this week we return to the mines of subpar crowdfunded content with Missed The Cut, our monthly recap of the shit that sucked juuuust a little bit too much. To wit??? The fuck is that about? To wit. Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

28 Okt 20242h 5min

HEY! Wake up! I’m guessing you were probably asleep when this episode came out. I mean, we’re asleep for a third of our lives, so we got a decent shot. And I love a damn underdog. Well now that you’re awake, would you like to go to the bathroom and squeeze out like a millimeter of pee? Don’t forget to keep your eyes kind of halfway closed so you don’t get all the way waked up. That always works. Alright now that you’re done and settling back into bed it’s time to relax completely without peeking at the time on the clock. Just kidding, motherfucker! It’s 3am. Now you’re fucked. Might as well listen to the show. And what a show it is! Today we got a few things I think you’ll like. Well, you will if you like “camera-wires.” And if you like AI-generated football insights mailed to you a year after the actual event, you’ll be in hog heaven. Not to mention if you have an affection at all for F-tier CGI sticking Santa Clause “in the shit”. But onion tear likers? You’re shit outta luck. The rest of yas? Get in here! It’s 3:02am. Time to laugh! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.YKS Premium - It’s like YKS…on steroids!!! Which I have been considering doing lately. Hey, why not? It could be a cool way to gain respect with few side effects.. This past week, we were joined by Blowback’s Brendan James for a very long and very scary episode all about Stephen King/George Romero joint Creepshow! And this week, to finish off Miketober V, we’re joined once again by the inimitable Howell Dawdy. So now’s the time…watch your movies, take your vitamins, sign up for YKS Premium, and…sleep well…ha ha ha. Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Rocket Money - Rocket Money can help you set up a custom budget by identifying top spending categories and suggesting areas where you can adjust your spending habits! Now dat sounds nice! Check em out and save yourself some cash at RocketMoney.com/YKS!Factor - I deserve a restaurant-like experience…but I HATE going to restaurants. So obviously, I’m pretty hard to please. That was, until they introduced the wonderful Factor Meals! Now I’m eating good in MY OWN neighborhood…that’s right. My home. But don’t pay full price! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

21 Okt 20242h 9min

Eeeeeeeevveeerryyybboooody do the new show dance! Oh yeah! Let’s do it! I see you! Wow, guys, I knew you were super talented and always up for a crazy time, but I had no idea fans of YKS were such groovy groovers! You were really movin that thing! Well let’s put that energy to good use, shall we? By sitting still and quiet for like 2 hours while some other guys talk about the computer. Starting right….NOW! On today’s show we’ve got a pet memorial which honestly is fine just a little pretentious maybe but not every one of these is gonna be like CyberTruck Pedestrian Scraper, ya know? Sometimes it’s just a silly little doodad. And the idea is it prompts further spontaneous conversation. So get off my ass! And stop dancing! Plus we’ve got a QR code you can finally wear on your lapel, money you can wear on your finger, and a book that I think even the Comic Book Guy would say is the “Worst. Idea. Ever”! ™ . Copyright. Or maybe there’s some other worst ideas on the thing I forget. Only one way to find out…to keep fucking still and listen to the show! And then go on the Pisscord and say if there’s anything weird about it so we can read it and feel bad. Enjoy!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.YKS Premium - Everyone’s favorite month is here! That’s right, Miketober 1st - Miketober 31st has arrived and you’re finding yourself smack dab in the middle of it all. What’s it all about though? Well, it’s nothing more than the freepiest and deepiest movies ever to grace the silver screen, and the fellas who love em. That’s us! Sign up today at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks to get not only Miketobers 1-5, but many more hundreds of hours of similar wacky concepts such as, Simian Month, Orangutember, and, of course, Ape Christmas. Just 5 bananas a month! Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Pretty Litter - Well, the cat’s gotta doodoo on somethin, don’t it? I reckon cats will never stop doodooing. Lucky for us, we can use their bathroom predilections to help find out if they’re sick! That’s right, you can monitor your cat’s health with Pretty Litter! Plus, it’s lightweight as all get out and they’ll bring it to your door. How? Well, by means of a URL, of course! And here it is: Go to PrettyLitter.com/YKS to save 20% on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy.The Great YKS Advertiser Survey! Hey help your boys out and answer a coupla harmless q’s about what kinda stuff we could hawk on here. Hawk tuah that is. Just kidding; it’s not that. Head to Gum.FM/YKS if ya don’t mind doin that quick favor. Survey on that thang!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

14 Okt 20241h 56min

By day I’m a simple bartender…but by night…ahh!!! I really let my hair down and I become…The Beverage Entrepreneur! No you haven’t stumbled your way into one of the middling lunchpail Comedy Bang Bang episodes that didn’t even make it into the annual Top 10, you’re actually listening to one of the funniest episodes of YKS ever! On today’s very show, we have a nice Adult Toy that can Help, a sparkling water that will send the wokies reeing, and finally a use for those pesky plastic straws we’re all trying to buy more of. Plus, a few other things, like a celebrity who clearly wasn’t briefed on what the show is about and they get mad halfway through and we kinda gotta just gut it out! Oh well! Discuss it on the subreddit! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.YKS Premium - Miketober comes but once a year! And so do most of our listeners! Sign up today at Patreon.com/YourKickstarterSucks to catch every pulse-pounding episode and hell, maybe you’ll even bust a nut! I don’t know!Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! This week’s episode is brought to you by these fine brands:Factor - Head to factormeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. Unless you hate yummy food?? Buhh??See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

7 Okt 20242h 9min

Go home, YKS…you’re drunk! Oh wait no you aren’t. You’re just making another good ass funny ass episode of the show we all love to listen to. And after all, the show is quite beloved by many all around the world…so why wouldn’t we make more episodes of it? Well maybe we will get bored or hit by a bus or something. But not this week! We did one. And on it, we had some good ass shit such as the following: a movie about how to time travel, a drink that mixes up it own self for you and there’s no booze or mixer in it, and also something called Morphy Richards. Morphy Richards. Well anyway, it sounds funny. So. Bring your sense of humor! It’s required!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.YKS Premium is the ONLY place you can find the frequently-listened-to, fake movie trivia and plot recap series MIKETOBER! Coming to Patreon this month! And presumably for many years thereafter. But for now, head on over to Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks to belly up to the movie bar and suck down a bottle of cinema suds with your buds Mike and JF!Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod and TikTok: YourKickstarterSucksThis episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands: Rocket Money - Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster (like a rocket or some other similarly speedy mode of transport!!!) Get Rocket Money today at RocketMoney.com/YKSSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

30 Sep 20241h 57min