Episode 349: My Girlfriend, The Computer

Oppa still on Christmas Vacation style! The boys are back at it again with some YKS Premium Freemium content: an unearthed, probably-new-to-you classic, our interview (?) and Bloody Mary sesh with Birthday and Sloppy Boy Tim Kalpakis. Oh yeah, and there's a little bit extra from your boys thrown in there to sweeten the pot. Actually I just looked and it's like 30 extra minutes. We could have just done a new episode. Oh well. Pour 'em up and enjoy the show! And when you're done, click here to say why it's total bs we didn't do 30 more measly minutes to justify an all-new ep this week: Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucksLook into the mirror, say "funny guest" three times, and what will appear? Writer and comedian Tim Kalpakis, of the Birthday Boys and Sloppy Boys, that's who! Tim pours us a couple of Bloody Marys and talks about some of our favorite topics: Bar Rescue, getting an MRI, and why Mike Mitchell is everybody's favorite. Plus, you know we had to get a former SNL writer (Lorne.) to help us punch up some JokeBlogger jokes! This is one hell of an ep, so pull up your barf bucket and get ready to laugh!Check out the Sloppy Boys podcast wherever you get your shit, and support them on Patreon for even more classic Sloppy Boys content. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

27 Dec 20211h 55min

Oppa Christmas Vacation Style! We're taking a week off, but still couldn't let ya leave empty handed...so allow us to introduce, from behind the paywall, an absolute banger of an episode from this past Miketober. It's The Stuff with our friends the Doughboys! Wiger and Mitch join us for a classic rewatch of a scary marshmallow movie, guess some ice cream flavors (pretty badly if I recall), and much more. For new listeners, enjoy this episode ad-free and the rest of Miketober over at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks, and for those of you who have already heard this crap and hate our guts, please enjoy an all-new intro, outro, and yes, everyone's favorite part, advertisements. Music for Miketober is courtesy of Craig Dickman and Jesse Farrar. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer lola butt. Ads time! Well gang, since I'm one of those guys who can barely remember to zip up his fly on the way out the door, you know I ain't memorizing all 5,678 of my passwords. You know what I'm talking about? Well, good news on that front. No they didn't invent a new pill to fix our brain problems, but they did invent NordPass. That's just as good! And a hell of a lot cheaper, thanks to our sponsor: NordPass. Christmas is coming! It doesn't matter whether you've been naughty or nice, you still get 70% off NordPass Premium at NordPass.com/YKS or use a code yks. Plus you get an additional month for FREE! Also sponsoring today's show, it's BetterHelp. Welp! It's that time of year again...the time therapists call "the moneymaker". Yeah, it's getting pretty dark outside, but inside our brains, let's light up some dopamine receptors, take a page out of Pharrell's book, and become "happy" whilst talking to some licensed professional counselors. Ohhh baby! Now that's what I call, good to do. Get 10% your first month at BetterHelp.com/YKS. Finally, you gotta give it up for the HelloFresh crew. 14 free meals, that sounds like me at Thanksgiving/Christmas/etc. Probably not Easter because honest to god who cares about Easter meals? Not me, and not HelloFresh. We won't be eating at Easter! Pass it on! And then, go to HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks14 and use code yourkickstartersucks14 for up to 14 free meals AND 3 free gifts! I just found a piece of dark chocolate sitting half melted on my trackpad. I really hope your gifts are better than that! It better be a new car! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

20 Dec 20212h 34min

Live from Nashville, Tennessee, it's YKS! That really could be what they're saying some day. Until then, of course, we simply have to march around our homes and say it ourselves. We have to say it to ourselves, to our pets, and we have to say it to the car warranty people who call us and make their phone numbers look like ours by borrowing the first 7 digits! But hopefully, someday, we can all know peace...when Mike and JF are the most famous people on the planet. But today is just as good! Because we've got an episode that hits all the big marks: The JF Position, living the Cone Life, and our worst xmas gifts. Plus, we're changing the sweeping paradigm with extreme advances in new combinatorial technology, solving the popcorn car problem once and for all, and finally figuring out how the hell freelancers are supposed to sit down. And not a moment too soon! I haven't gotten a W-2 form in like 7 years. My back hurts!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.We (clap) are (clap) Having (clap) doing (clap) bonus (clap)! Sorry the claps messed me up. For ad-free episodes, video eps, bonus mailbags and more, subscribe to YKS Premium on Patreon. And hey, a discounted annual sub would make a great holiday gift! For yourself, though. I don't think you can actually gift subs on there yet. I'm not in charge of that though!This week's YKS is sponsored by Honey. When it comes to a little guy who lives in your browser that knows coupon codes, I don't think anybody is doing it quite like Honey. Scratch this little feller on the chin, save a few bucks, and get that pesky holiday shopping out of the way all in one fell swoop. Wow, that's once nice swoop! Try em out for yourself: JoinHoney.com/YKSAlso sponsoring today's episode is BetterHelp. Give uncomfortable waiting rooms the double bird and talk to a pro, plus get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/YKS. Finally, Episode 231 of YKS, that's right, this one, is brought to you by the dong wizards over at Manscaped. Check this out: Wouldn't it be nice to shave your privates, then the hair down there wouldn't be so long. Everybody knows what song that's a parody of, but we can't say it! That's the wacky US legal code for ya. Anyway, use code YKS20 for 20% off your order plus free shipping. Or pay full freight, up to you (easy choice)! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

13 Dec 20211h 43min

Hear ye, hear ye! Well if it's anything like his last album, I think I'll pass! On today's programme, we're thumbing through Area Woman Magazine to read up on some Life Pro Tips, and we'll be talking about the guys I don't look like, which believe it or not, are all the wild and crazy and strange looking guys throughout history. Plus, we've got an update on using your balls like a penis, the shower routines of people who don't know how to shower, and finally figure out the right way to make a bicycle move around (shoot it??) It's one hell of a show, and I'm not just saying that because my livelihood depends on lots of people listening to it. I actually think it's good! And you can believe that because if you don't, Santa isn't coming this year. That's right...no presents!! And we LIKE those!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.For a present you get yourself with no moral judgement from some omniscient (unelected!) arbiter, try YKS Premium. Wow, I wonder what's over there? Oh my god...is it bonus episodes of YKS, with video, and access to our Discord, and a bunch of other crazy crap? Yep. Probably so. And there's a mystery for you to solve over there too. Let us know if you solved the mystery. YKS Premium: Solve The Mystery. This week's YKS is sponsored by HelloFresh. Knock Knock, it's meals for you to eat! Duh!!! Get your fork, spoon, and all that other stuff you love so much and put it on a table or tray. Then, do all the other stuff you have to do to eat food. Then, simply eat the food. It's just that easy. If you wanna try it yourself, there ain't no better website to do it on besides HelloFresh.com/YourKickstarterSucks14 -- That's where you're gonna get your 14 free meals and free shipping, alright? HelloFresh. Just add forks.Also bringing you this week's episode: BetterHelp. Sick of waiting rooms? You know all the kind of stuff they have in there. What is that, a table? Good lord you have to be joking me. It's 2021. And these guys are still on their table bs. Well you can miss me with that. I'll be over here in a virtual waiting room, with no tables whatsoever. Just me and my keyboard. And mouse, obviously. And it's sitting on a desk. Which is not a table! I swear!! Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp, with absolutely no tables, at BetterHelp.com/YKS. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

6 Dec 20211h 43min

Monday morning! Quite possibly the worst time of the week, many were saying, until the saints and kings of YKS Inc. altered their release schedule to give us all a pep in our step. Thank God for those perfect souls! Today on the show, fate smiles upon us once again as the boys are talking Rob Rigglin', the Mither Beath Borger, and the Great Toast Rant. Plus, we got souls of inanimate objects to look at, new innovations in the butter shape space, and European guys hopping around in their living rooms for whatever reason. It's enough reason to hop in your time machine and listen to this episode over and over again. But you gotta start right now! Or else Mike wins!For more YKS this hall of daze season, you're gonna want to head on over to YKS Premium. There's so much extras over there you know we had to fix you a plate. Scoot your butt over there for exclusive video, bonus episodes, merch discounts, and more! This past week on YKS Premium, we once again locked horns with our listeners in a new edition of YKS Live! To Tape, our semi-regular call-in show. And this week, the monthly mailbag returns! We do it every month, which is insane. But we love it. And more importantly, we are contractually obligated to perform by §17.1a.98b.311 "The Law Of Comedy". This episode of YKS is brought to you by Manscaped. Make Santa proud when he's looking at your penis area! Use code YKS20 at checkout for 20% off and free shipping. Now that's what I call a bowlful of jelly!Also sponsoring this week's show: NordVPN. Sometimes you can make streaming services you live somewhere else, and pay less money to use them! Is that of value to you? Well, it is to me. And that's why I locked up NordVPN for 2 years. I will be reaping these rewards into 2023 and so too should you. Get up to 73% off a 2 year plan plus a bonus gift at NordVPN.com/yks. Finally, YKS is supported by BetterHelp. It ain't the holiday season without some good old fashioned cognitive behavioral therapy or what have you. Kiss the uncomfortable waiting room goodbye and stay however comfortable you are in your own home, with BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month at Betterhelp.com/YKS and tell therapy JF and DB sent ya. Well, not like that! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

28 Nov 20211h 20min

We all crap and pee, sure. But what then? What then, I ask you?!?! Well there's an app for that, and oh yeah, the app is a bag. On today's show, Mike and JF are OFFICIALLY back on their bullshit, unless you don't like that kind of stuff, in which case it could not be any further from the truth. But! What they do have, whether you like it or not, is some ribald humor, informative discussion on various topics, and a friendship that will stand the test of time. Plus the crap and pee bags thing from the title of the episode. Check it out, gang, and if you don't love it, you can always listen to it anyway. Not everything is gonna be your favorite. Time to grow up! Want more YKS? Wow! Sorry to hear that? May I ask why not? Oh okay, yeah, I understand. Well, with all that being said, and by the way, I could not agree with you more, these guys are real scumbags. But with all that being said, they do offer weekly bonus episodes and more at the YKS Premium Patreon page. Obviously you won't be taking advantage of their awesome annual subscription discount, or seeing any video content or anything like that. But, as crazy as this sounds, thousands of people are enjoying this stuff every month, and it even makes for a great gift this holiday season. Yeah, really demented stuff. Sad, actually. But that's America for you. Today's episode of YKS is sponsored by BetterHelp. "I get by with a little help from my friends" - Unknown. Well my friends are all podcast guys so I actually just go to therapy instead. And therapy is one thing the folks at BetterHelp have a bunch of. Don't see any? Ask 'em about it, and they can check in the back to see if there's more in stock. Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/YKSAlso sponsoring today's show: NordVPN. I tell you one way NordVPN has made my life a little better: sports! I'm sick of region-locked teams and blackouts, and NordVPN makes those a thing of the past. Like the dinosaurs! Thanks, NordVPN, for helping me blast some dinos. Unlock the world of entertainment for yourself with 73% off a 2 year deal plus one month for free at NordVPN.com/YKS.Finally, YKS is also brought to you by TrueBill. With some notable exceptions of course, our big old list of subscriptions can really get wet and wild sometimes. Truebill is all about giving that credit card a rest. Little massage, maybe some hot cocoa...dare I say a bubble bath? That's right folks, Truebill will sort through your subscriptions and help you drop the ones you don't want anymore or never needed in the first place, and they will also put your credit card in the bathtub. Try 'em out today at Truebill.com/YKS and save yourself an amount of money I can barely even quantify! Maybe like $60 or so? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

22 Nov 20211h 34min

Now how's this for a Monday afternoon treat -- the thing that I should have posted on Monday morning! Oh well, I guess our old friend Garfield really had it right! And that's all I want to say about him for now. On today's show, Mike and JF go wild and crazy on some bad inventions, and oh yeah, there are no holds barred either! Download this "shiznit" right now for our thoughts on an even weirder form of "minting coins", an upgrade to your Tesla experience (that isn't trading it in for a real car), and playing poo poo games with other adults. Pull your pants up, lock your band's 5 trombones in the van, and grab your phone...it's time for YKS! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt. Title for this episode from Poochie D: "Just have it be whatever the fuck Mike says at about 45:47" -- you got it, pooch! For more YKS, you GOTTA head on over to the YKS Premium Patreon page. What awaits you is pure physical pleasure, and -- oh geez, oh golly, I got my descriptions mixed up. Well basically we have a huge backlog of premium episodes -- movie commentaries, interviews with our friends, games, more Kickstarter stuff, ad-free episodes, a video feed, and more. It's pretty cheap, all things considered, and without you guys we wouldn't make the show anymore. So thanks for listening, and also it says here it'll make you nut off like a fire hose. Oh gosh dernit! Today's episode of YKS is sponsored by HelloFresh....or "presh" as Mike would say. Get a load of this guy, he's talking like he's got a mouthful of pumpkin! Luckily my several flubs were more easily edited out of this week's ad read. Anyhow, it's the famous season of Autumn and you know what that means...food!(?) If you want to try food out for yourself -- I've heard only good things -- head on over to hellofresh.com/yourkickstartersucks14 and use promo code yourkickstartersucks14 for 14 free meals and 3 free gifts. 17 free things total! That's a lot of things.This week's show is also brought to you by BetterHelp. "Welp...it's Betterhelp!" Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp today at BetterHelp.com/YKS Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

15 Nov 20211h 41min

Scam alert! Scam alert! It's time for Mike and JF to don their investigative journalism hats and read the comments on a weird Kickstarter to see if someone else thinks its a scam or not. And maybe it's not, who knows. Not us, that's for sure. On today's episode we fix the entire movie industry, put fireworks likers in their place at long last, and destroy the entire oil industry. Not the really really bad one. Just the kinda bad one. So not really a huge win by us but it's only Monday so give us some time and we will deliver you another big W later in the week. All that, plus a Neighbor Insight, and much much more, only on Your Kickstarter Sucks (name in description for SEO purposes). Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer lola butt.For more of this crazy nonsense we call YKS, check out the YKS Premium Patreon page, where 5 extra episodes a month, plus incredible video stylings from Producer Dan await the dedicated listener. Oh yeah and we just casually throw in ad-free eps, merch discounts, Discord access and more like we don't even care about it but we actually do. Today's episode of YKS is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp: why get worse help when you could get BetterHelp? That's just what I think and I barely know anything about anything. But I wrote it down on my hand here so I'd remember it when I typed this up. And the handwriting's clear enough so I'm saying it. Sick of the uncomfortable waiting rooms? BetterHelp was, too, that's why they invented staying at your house and getting professional therapy there, instead of in the waiting room. Try it today at Betterhelp.com/YKS for 10% off your first month and safely 6 feet away kiss the uncomfortable waiting room goodbye! Also sponsoring today's show: Honey! Oh baby I finally got some reinforcements for my battle against the fearsome promo code box at checkout. The battlefield is set (the computer). The weapons have been chosen (uh, maybe this one is the computer). Gird your loins and prepare for war...coupon codes on me!!! Download the free extension today at JoinHoney.com/YKS and start saving buttloads of cash...for the greater good! And use your computer to do it by the way. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

8 Nov 20211h 46min