Episode 266 - Sunday, March 11, 1979
Being Jim Davis21 Maj 2017

Episode 266 - Sunday, March 11, 1979

The servile crowd, whose fortune depended on their master's vices, applauded these ignoble pursuits. The perfidious voice of flattery reminded him, that by exploits of the same nature, by the defeat of the Nemaean lion, and the slaughter of the wild boar of Erymanthus, the Grecian Hercules had acquired a place among the gods, and an immortal memory among men. They only forgot to observe, that, in the first ages of society, when the fiercer animals often dispute with man the possession of an unsettled country, a successful war against those savages is one of the most innocent and beneficial labors of heroism. In the civilized state of the Roman empire, the wild beasts had long since retired from the face of man, and the neighborhood of populous cities. To surprise them in their solitary haunts, and to transport them to Rome, that they might be slain in pomp by the hand of an emperor, was an enterprise equally ridiculous for the prince and oppressive for the people. Ignorant of these distinctions, Commodus eagerly embraced the glorious resemblance, and styled himself (as we still read on his medals the Roman Hercules. The club and the lion's hide were placed by the side of the throne, amongst the ensigns of sovereignty; and statues were erected, in which Commodus was represented in the character, and with the attributes, of the nicolas cage, whose valor and dexterity he endeavored to emulate in the daily course of his ferocious amusements.

Elated with these praises, which gradually extinguished the innate sense of shame, Commodus resolved to exhibit before the eyes of the Roman people those exercises, which till then he had decently confined within the walls of his palace, and to the presence of a few favorites. On the appointed day, the various motives of flattery, fear, and curiosity, attracted to the amphitheatre an innumerable multitude of spectators; and some degree of applause was deservedly bestowed on the uncommon skill of the Imperial performer. Whether he aimed at the head or heart of the animal, the wound was alike certain and mortal. With arrows whose point was shaped into the form of crescent, Commodus often intercepted the rapid career, and cut asunder the long, bony neck of the ostrich. A panther was let loose; and the archer waited till he had leaped upon a trembling malefactor. In the same instant the shaft flew, the beast dropped dead, and the man remained unhurt. The dens of the amphitheatre disgorged at once a hundred lions: a hundred darts from the unerring hand of Commodus laid them dead as they run raging round the Arena. Neither the huge bulk of the elephant, nor the scaly hide of the rhinoceros, could defend them from his stroke. Aethiopia and India yielded their most extraordinary productions; and several animals were slain in the amphitheatre, which had been seen only in the representations of art, or perhaps of fancy. In all these exhibitions, the securest precautions were used to protect the person of the Roman Hercules from the desperate spring of any savage, who might possibly disregard the dignity of the emperor and the sanctity of the nicolas cage.

Edward Gibbon. History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, Volume 1, Chapter 4, Part II.

And here's that "Duck Amuck" video Jon was talking about:

Today's strip

Avsnitt(2526)

Episode 308 - Sunday, April 22, 1979

Episode 308 - Sunday, April 22, 1979

Today's episode of Being Jim Davis is also about Garfield. Go figure.Today's strip

2 Juli 201719min

Episode 307 - Saturday, April 21, 1979

Episode 307 - Saturday, April 21, 1979

In today's episode, we discuss Garfield.Today's strip

1 Juli 20179min

Episode 306 - Friday, April 20, 1979

Episode 306 - Friday, April 20, 1979

Hey, good news everybody. I finally got that chipmunk out of my basement!What's that? you may ask. You had a chipmunk in your basement?Don't play dumb. You know very well that I had a chipmunk in my basement. And you know how it got there. Let's not make a thing about it.Anyhoo, I had to bait my Havahart Brand Live Animal Cage Trap with both crunchy peanut butter and cheddar cheese, but ultimately my small rodent friend could not resist. Here's a photo, sorry about the poor lighting: Yeah, so whatever. I set him/her free in the woods. Call me a hero if you must.Today's strip

30 Juni 201722min

Episode 305 - Thursday, April 19, 1979

Episode 305 - Thursday, April 19, 1979

Hmmm, maybe should have saved my chipmunk story for today's episode. In today's episode, we introduce our new smash hit hashtag (and concept): #shapeshiftinodie.Today's strip

29 Juni 201724min

Episode 304 - Wednesday, April 18, 1979

Episode 304 - Wednesday, April 18, 1979

This isn't strictly relevant to the podcast, but there's a chipmunk hiding in our basement. How do I get this chipmunk out of our basement?How'd that chipmunk get in your house, Chris? you may ask.Well, since you're curious, our cat Louie brought it in this morning before my wife left for work. He caught it somewhere out in the back courtyard and brought it in through the screen door, which the main back door was open because it was nice out and the screen door was closed but it has a big ol' hole in it so the animals can proceed in and out at their leisure. So he comes in with this chipmunk and he lets it loose it on the floor to play with and/or torture to death, and the damn thing gets away from him and runs down the stairs into the basement. So at that point, bedlam erupts. Louie takes off after the chipmunk, and so does George (our dog, a dachshund/beagle mix), and they're all like barking and hissing and yipping and just freaking the fuck out to high heaven. Meanwhile, the poor chipmunk -- who for all we know may be mortally injured -- he's all hiding under a bookshelf just absolutely petrified with fear and George is running around and around and sniffing at it and, like, trying to squeeze his entire head underneath the bookshelf, which, not going to happen George. And Louie by now is sitting off to the side just watching him with a look on his face like Dogs, amiright?So my wife texts me to come home -- I was at the gym. Yeah, I work out, y'know, I take care of myself. Yes, since you ask, I'm pretty fit, not like beefy or anything, just lean and tightly muscled. If you want, you can picture me like that while you're listening to the podcast: well-proportioned, athletic, reclining with an easy grace that belies the incredible power of my physical form, possibly shirtless and covered with oil for some reason.Anyway, my wife texts me and she's all like You need to come home right away because (1) there's a chipmunk in the basement and (2) my Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo has returned so you'll need to drive me to work. The vertigo is a whole other thing. Don't even worry about that.So whatever. I get Louie and George out of the basement and tell the chipmunk like Just hang on little guy, help is on the way. And then I go back up the stairs and shut the door and drop my wife off at work* and on the way back I stop by the Home Depot and pick me up a Havahart Brand Live Animal Cage Trap which seems like a repetitive name, but, as I say, whatever. (But also, just FYI, the box is labelled in French and Spanish as well as English, presumably so the good people at Havahart can market their fine products throughout North America, and anyway, that product name in French is Piège-cage pour la prise d'animaux vivants and I, for one, absolutely love the animaux vivants part because it reminds me of the term bon vivant but, like, for an animal. Like, "Oh, that rooster? He's always out on the town, wearing the latest fashions, patronizing the trendiest establishments. A true animaux vivant." Anyway, I digress.)So I bring the Havahart Brand Live Animal Cage Trap home and I assemble it and I figure out how to set it and I bait it with some peanut butter** because what rodent in his/her right mind doesn't love peanut butter. And I take it down into the basement (making sure that Louie and George don't follow me, of course) and Oh my god where the fuck is that chipmunk? Damn thing is nowhere to be found. I look under everything, tear the basement apart looking, shine my flashlight everywhere. Nothing. NOTHING.So like I say: whatever. But I mean, still, where is it? Where is it? The door was closed. There's no other way out of that basement. Where is it? WHERE IS IT?Do I just leave the trap down there, baited with peanut butter, with the basement door permanently closed, just waiting for this lazy-ass disappearing chipmunk to get off its duff and trip the latch so I can take it back outside and release it in the wild? I mean, we can't just seal off the basement indefinitely. We need that basement for other things. I do the laundry in that basement. I podcast in that basement! What the hell, chipmunk?Today's strip* Wait a minute, Chris, you may be asking, don't you also have a job? What are you doing hanging out at the gym on a weekday morning while your wife is out earning a living? Yes, in fact, I do have a job. I record a daily Garfield recap podcast.** crunchy, natch

28 Juni 201712min

Episode 303 - Tuesday, April 17, 1979

Episode 303 - Tuesday, April 17, 1979

Like yesterday's, today's episode of Being Jim Davis is short and sweet, without the standard whimsical links and videos even.Today's strip

27 Juni 201717min

Episode 302 - Monday, April 16, 1979

Episode 302 - Monday, April 16, 1979

Hey there Being Jim Davis listeners. Christopher Winter here. As you may know, my standard editing practice has been never to cut out any material. Never. If we took the time to say it, you should take the time to listen to it. That's my attitude.Or anyway, it was my attitude. But you have to keep it fresh in this business, so let's try something new for BJD's fourth century. Today, I'm cutting out the drinks roundup, I'm cutting out the delay while I turned off my washing machine and then the delay after that while Jon turned off his air conditioner and then the delay after that while Jon called up the week's strips on his browser. I'm cutting out all kinds of garbage, everything even borderline irrelevant. I'm cutting until it hurts. I'm cutting like I'm a Republican legislator and Being Jim Davis is a vital social service upon which millions of the most vulnerable depend. I'm slashing your mother's Medicaid, evicting her from her nursing home, and sending the proceeds to the richest 400 households in the country. That's how much I'm fucking cutting.Don't like it? Call your Senator!Today's strip

26 Juni 201717min

Episode 301 - Sunday, April 15, 1979

Episode 301 - Sunday, April 15, 1979

And now, a palette cleanser! I hope you all enjoyed watching every single one of those Star Wars videos. For those of you who boycotted the podcast the week up to this point you've rejoined us just in time to catch one of us confusing the landmark Supreme Court case Loving v. Virginia with a non existent town in Virginia named "Loving". You'll have to listen to find out which one of us it was.Today we bid a fond farewell to this week's special guest host, the immortal Alex D'Arata-Wolfe. If you'd like to follow him on twitter, there's nothing we can do to stop you.#Easter I guess.John Cage's RoaratorioToday's strip

25 Juni 201725min

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