Bystander Intervention - What to do if You Witness Abuse

Bystander Intervention - What to do if You Witness Abuse

It may not be safe or effective to directly confront the abuser in every case, but there are a range of ways bystanders can be involved before, during, or after a situation when they see or hear behaviors that promote violence. Deborah Hackworth goes over some bystander intervention information on this episode.

Below are some intervention tips and strategies:

Disrupt the situation. Every situation is different, and there is no one way to respond. When you witness a person being harassed, threatened, or followed by someone, you can try to distract the harasser or insert yourself into their interaction to help the targeted person get out of the situation. For example, if you see someone on the street being verbally harassed, you can interrupt the harasser and ask them for directions. You can also intervene by pretending to know the person being harassed and starting a conversation with them as an opportunity to come between them and the harasser.

Don’t act alone. Get support from people around you by calling on others to help. The more people who come together to interrupt a situation, the more you reinforce the idea that the behavior is not acceptable in your community. This can be as simple as saying, “Let’s say something to them so they stop.” If you do not feel safe, you may consider contacting the police.

Set the expectation to speak up and step in. Talking openly and responding directly to inappropriate behaviors will have a snowball effect and encourage others to respond. It shows you recognize the comment or behavior is unacceptable and shows others it will not be tolerated. For example, if you are in a group setting and you hear someone make inappropriate comments, you can say:

  • Are you hearing what I am hearing?
  • I can’t be the only one who thinks this is not OK.
  • I don’t see how XYZ is relevant or appropriate to this discussion.
  • I know you’re a better person than that.

Understand how your privilege positions you to speak up. Your age, race, gender, etc. may make it safer for you to speak up and be vocal about harassment – especially when you are not the target or representative of the target group.

Focus on the needs and experience of the target and ensure they receive the support the need.

  • Let them know that what has happened to them isn’t their fault.
  • Affirm that they didn’t do anything wrong.
  • Express your support for the individual. – I saw what they just did. Are you OK? – I heard what that person said to you. I am so sorry.

Take action online. Everyone can help address an online culture that tolerates rape and sexual violence. Online comments that blame victims contribute to a broader climate in which sexual violence is tolerated and not taken seriously.

  • Believe and support survivors. For example, thank survivors for sharing their stories in the comments of news articles and blog posts.
  • Respond to victim-blaming, rape jokes, or other problematic comments on social media:
    • Post a response like, “Sexual assault is never the survivor’s fault.”
    • Refocus accountability on the individual(s) who committed sexual abuse.
  • Link to an educational resource about sexual violence prevention, like those that can be found at nsvrc.org/publications.

Be proactive. Practice with friends and family what you would say and how you would say it if you’re ever put in the situation where you need to confront a harasser. Think of how you would like others to take action on your behalf, or reflect on a situation where you wish you had acted differently

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

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DASAS Spotlight 5: Nichole Angel, Hispanic Advocate

DASAS Spotlight 5: Nichole Angel, Hispanic Advocate

Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services offers advocacy and help to our Spanish-speaking community. Our Hispanic Advocate Nichole Angle not only speaks Spanish, but she grew up in Mexico and understand the cultural differences. Daughter of an American mom and Mexican dad, Nichole's unique experience helps her reach an underserved community in our area. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

11 Sep 201918min

DASAS Spotlight 4: Sexual Assault Therapist Krista DeBoer

DASAS Spotlight 4: Sexual Assault Therapist Krista DeBoer

Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services offers therapy/counseling services. Krista DeBoer is our sexual assault therapist. Get to know the person behind the title in today's episode. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

4 Sep 201922min

DASAS Spotlight 3: Board Member and Podcast Creator Dan Moyle

DASAS Spotlight 3: Board Member and Podcast Creator Dan Moyle

Get to know Dan Moyle, Board Member at DASAS and the creator of I'm Not In An Abusive Relationship. He's a marketing professional and host of two podcasts (one for work, one personal) and brought the idea of a show to Board President Ned Haylett and Executive Director Rose Ludwick when he was in consideration for a board role. Since then, Dan has helped on events, committees, and as a board member. Today Dan talks with Claudia Pahls about his journey with DASAS. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

28 Aug 201922min

DASAS Spotlight 2: Licensed Master Social Worker and On-Staff Therapist Elizabeth Alderson

DASAS Spotlight 2: Licensed Master Social Worker and On-Staff Therapist Elizabeth Alderson

Get to know Elizabeth Alderson, Licensed Master Social Worker and resident therapist at Domestic and Sexual Abuse Services. Liz talks with Claudia Pahls about her journey with DASAS. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

21 Aug 201935min

Live at Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

Live at Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

On this episode, "roving reporter" Dan Moyle takes the podcast on the road with the annual Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event. From interviews asking "Who do walk for?" to the sounds of the day, join us as we explore the 2019 Walk a Mile event together. A one-mile march, dog walk, kids games & activities, raffles, prizes, hog roast, bounce houses, to help combat abuse in our community. Come join the fun for a great cause! Each year, an ever-increasing number of men, women and their families are joining the award-winning Walk a Mile in Her Shoes®: The International Men's March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence. A Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Event is a playful opportunity for men to raise awareness in their community about the serious causes, effects and remediations to men's sexualized violence against women. Southwest Michigan's event is held annually in Three Rivers on the second Saturday in August. Join us at 9:00 for registration, the 10:00 walk, fun activities and a hog roast for lunch. It all takes place at LaFayette Park. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

14 Aug 201932min

DASAS Spotlight 1: Board of Directors President Ned Haylett

DASAS Spotlight 1: Board of Directors President Ned Haylett

Ned Haylett, President of the Board of Directors at Domestic and Sexual Abuse Services, talks with Claudia Pahls about his journey with DASAS. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

7 Aug 201924min

Taming the Lion Tamers Author David Flowers

Taming the Lion Tamers Author David Flowers

David Flowers is a former attorney who spent his career representing victims of sexual abuse in civil litigation. David wrote Taming the Lion Tamers about the South Carolina case of convicted pedophile Eddie Fischer, and the people who protected him for decades. It’s a powerful story, and is the same case on which the Emmy-nominated documentary film What Haunts Us is based. David fought for victims for decades, using story to their advantage. Now he works to hold people in power who protect perpetrators responsible for their part in these stories. Eddie Fischer was a teacher at Porter-Gaud, an elite private school in Charleston, South Carolina, for ten years. He was also a serial pedophile. Shortly after he was hired, administrators at the school learned about his sexual interest in young boys but did nothing to stop him. Fischer molested dozens of boys at the school. When they were finally confronted by the parents of a victim, the administrators allowed Fischer to resign quietly and then recommended him for employment at other schools in Charleston where he went on to molest more students for another fifteen years before he was finally arrested. This is the true story of how Fischer was finally stopped and the determined efforts by some of Fischer’s victims to expose the truth about Porter-Gaud’s role in enabling, supporting, and advancing Fischer’s criminal career which spanned four decades. Utilizing court transcripts and first-hand accounts, David shares the innovative and unconventional strategies, coupled with the remarkable courage of the victims, which exposed and defeated the arrogance of the school and its grossly negligent administrators. David's book, Taming the Lion Tamers If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

31 Juli 201937min

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

A one-mile march, dog walk, kids games & activities, raffles, prizes, hog roast, bounce houses, to help combat abuse in our community. Come join the fun for a great cause! Each year, an ever-increasing number of men, women and their families are joining the award-winning Walk a Mile in Her Shoes®: The International Men's March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence. A Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Event is a playful opportunity for men to raise awareness in their community about the serious causes, effects and remediations to men's sexualized violence against women. Southwest Michigan's event is held annually in Three Rivers on the second Saturday in August. Join us at 9:00 for registration, the 10:00 walk, fun activities and a hog roast for lunch. It all takes place at LaFayette Park. Register for the Three Rivers Walk a Mile event here. National Walk a Mile in Her Shoes website If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

24 Juli 201917min

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