Ways in Which Abuse Changes You
I'm Not In An Abusive Relationship26 Feb 2020

Ways in Which Abuse Changes You

Claudia Pahls hosts a round table with Deborah Hackworth, Ellen Higgins and Rose Ludwick to discuss some of the ways abuse like domestic violence changes victims and survivors.

Here are some ways in which people can feel like their lives have changed after experiencing abuse and domestic violence and how to go about them:

  • Feeling easily overwhelmed, anxious irritated or crying without explanation: Places you used to love are now dull or noisy, and people whose company you used to enjoy are now irritating. That’s because after surviving an abusive situation, many people tend to find respite by isolating themselves from the world or the activities that were once meaningful to them. We know that although this might be a temporary fix, being reclusive is not a long-term solution because human beings are social creatures that need interaction with other people. If you notice that you start feeling overwhelmed or anxious around new people or in social situations after experiencing abuse, it may help to practice some self-care: try retreating to a quiet space where you can gather your thoughts and collect yourself. Try techniques such as breathing exercises that can help you calm down or practice some mindfulness! Observing the outside world, acknowledging that you are safe and that the abuse is in the past (where it belongs) can help you feel back to normal and at peace with yourself and with those around you.
  • Distrusting people in general or being uncomfortable if left alone with someone of the opposite sex: We hear from many of our contacts that after being in an abusive relationship they have a hard time building connections with other people and that trust (or lack thereof) becomes an issue. We’ve also heard from women callers, for example, that tell us how uncomfortable they feel if they find themselves in situations where they are surrounded by just men (think a random elevator stop, strangers sitting in a waiting room or meeting new coworkers or people at a party). If you find yourself being wary of others’ intentions toward you, know that you are not alone and what you feel is a completely normal reaction after surviving trauma. After all, you probably wouldn’t want to experience those feelings ever again! Remember to take it one day at the time. As your heart heals so will your ability to trust others. Don’t forget to be kind and patient with yourself while you become used to learning how to trust again.
  • Flashbacks of the abuse: Many people who have experienced domestic violence report having flashbacks of the abuse they’ve endured. These flashbacks are triggered by no apparent reason and can feel very vivid and realistic, making the survivor relive the pain experienced from the abusive situation, which can leave you feeling confused, isolated and like there’s something wrong with your head. Flashbacks or recurring memories are a symptom of PTSD, which is a mental and physical reaction to a traumatic event. We know that many survivors of abuse experience Complex PTSD because of the repetitive nature of intimate partner violence. Not all treatments for PTSD work the same for everyone, so you might have to try a few different things to see what works best for you. According to Psychology Today, there are several medical treatments such as medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing to treat PTSD. Other practices such as meditation, yoga, mindfulness, positive affirmations, breathing exercises and maintaining a healthy lifestyle can also do wonders when trying to recover from an abusive relationship.
  • Ruminating words, thoughts and events: Rumination is when you become fixated over a word, problem or event and play it in a continuous loop over and over in your head. When people ruminate the words said by an abusive partner or replay the mental images about the distress they suffered, they can become agitated, hopeless and depressed—which is a complete disservice to their own healing process. If you feel like ruminating, make sure to stop yourself in your tracks. Go for a walk, call a friend or do an activity that completely interferes with the urge to mentally repeat the offending words or events. It takes practice to stop ruminating, but remember to be patient and gentle with yourself. If you are able to stop ruminating words and problems, you may feel less anxious, worried and more open to healing the wounds left by the abuse and domestic violence.

These are just some of the ways abuse and domestic violence can change a person, and as you can see, many of these changes are rooted in fear. And that is to be expected. Experiencing and surviving abuse can have such a profound impact on a person’s mind, body and soul. But there’s something quite unique about being broken: you are strong, resilient and one of a kind. (source)

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

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DASAS Spotlight 5: Nichole Angel, Hispanic Advocate

DASAS Spotlight 5: Nichole Angel, Hispanic Advocate

Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services offers advocacy and help to our Spanish-speaking community. Our Hispanic Advocate Nichole Angle not only speaks Spanish, but she grew up in Mexico and understand the cultural differences. Daughter of an American mom and Mexican dad, Nichole's unique experience helps her reach an underserved community in our area. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

11 Sep 201918min

DASAS Spotlight 4: Sexual Assault Therapist Krista DeBoer

DASAS Spotlight 4: Sexual Assault Therapist Krista DeBoer

Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services offers therapy/counseling services. Krista DeBoer is our sexual assault therapist. Get to know the person behind the title in today's episode. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

4 Sep 201922min

DASAS Spotlight 3: Board Member and Podcast Creator Dan Moyle

DASAS Spotlight 3: Board Member and Podcast Creator Dan Moyle

Get to know Dan Moyle, Board Member at DASAS and the creator of I'm Not In An Abusive Relationship. He's a marketing professional and host of two podcasts (one for work, one personal) and brought the idea of a show to Board President Ned Haylett and Executive Director Rose Ludwick when he was in consideration for a board role. Since then, Dan has helped on events, committees, and as a board member. Today Dan talks with Claudia Pahls about his journey with DASAS. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

28 Aug 201922min

DASAS Spotlight 2: Licensed Master Social Worker and On-Staff Therapist Elizabeth Alderson

DASAS Spotlight 2: Licensed Master Social Worker and On-Staff Therapist Elizabeth Alderson

Get to know Elizabeth Alderson, Licensed Master Social Worker and resident therapist at Domestic and Sexual Abuse Services. Liz talks with Claudia Pahls about her journey with DASAS. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast journey. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

21 Aug 201935min

Live at Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

Live at Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

On this episode, "roving reporter" Dan Moyle takes the podcast on the road with the annual Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event. From interviews asking "Who do walk for?" to the sounds of the day, join us as we explore the 2019 Walk a Mile event together. A one-mile march, dog walk, kids games & activities, raffles, prizes, hog roast, bounce houses, to help combat abuse in our community. Come join the fun for a great cause! Each year, an ever-increasing number of men, women and their families are joining the award-winning Walk a Mile in Her Shoes®: The International Men's March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence. A Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Event is a playful opportunity for men to raise awareness in their community about the serious causes, effects and remediations to men's sexualized violence against women. Southwest Michigan's event is held annually in Three Rivers on the second Saturday in August. Join us at 9:00 for registration, the 10:00 walk, fun activities and a hog roast for lunch. It all takes place at LaFayette Park. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

14 Aug 201932min

DASAS Spotlight 1: Board of Directors President Ned Haylett

DASAS Spotlight 1: Board of Directors President Ned Haylett

Ned Haylett, President of the Board of Directors at Domestic and Sexual Abuse Services, talks with Claudia Pahls about his journey with DASAS. You're getting to know the people behind DASAS with our Spotlight Series of interviews, interspersed throughout our podcast. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

7 Aug 201924min

Taming the Lion Tamers Author David Flowers

Taming the Lion Tamers Author David Flowers

David Flowers is a former attorney who spent his career representing victims of sexual abuse in civil litigation. David wrote Taming the Lion Tamers about the South Carolina case of convicted pedophile Eddie Fischer, and the people who protected him for decades. It’s a powerful story, and is the same case on which the Emmy-nominated documentary film What Haunts Us is based. David fought for victims for decades, using story to their advantage. Now he works to hold people in power who protect perpetrators responsible for their part in these stories. Eddie Fischer was a teacher at Porter-Gaud, an elite private school in Charleston, South Carolina, for ten years. He was also a serial pedophile. Shortly after he was hired, administrators at the school learned about his sexual interest in young boys but did nothing to stop him. Fischer molested dozens of boys at the school. When they were finally confronted by the parents of a victim, the administrators allowed Fischer to resign quietly and then recommended him for employment at other schools in Charleston where he went on to molest more students for another fifteen years before he was finally arrested. This is the true story of how Fischer was finally stopped and the determined efforts by some of Fischer’s victims to expose the truth about Porter-Gaud’s role in enabling, supporting, and advancing Fischer’s criminal career which spanned four decades. Utilizing court transcripts and first-hand accounts, David shares the innovative and unconventional strategies, coupled with the remarkable courage of the victims, which exposed and defeated the arrogance of the school and its grossly negligent administrators. David's book, Taming the Lion Tamers If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

31 Juli 201937min

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes 2019

A one-mile march, dog walk, kids games & activities, raffles, prizes, hog roast, bounce houses, to help combat abuse in our community. Come join the fun for a great cause! Each year, an ever-increasing number of men, women and their families are joining the award-winning Walk a Mile in Her Shoes®: The International Men's March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence. A Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Event is a playful opportunity for men to raise awareness in their community about the serious causes, effects and remediations to men's sexualized violence against women. Southwest Michigan's event is held annually in Three Rivers on the second Saturday in August. Join us at 9:00 for registration, the 10:00 walk, fun activities and a hog roast for lunch. It all takes place at LaFayette Park. Register for the Three Rivers Walk a Mile event here. National Walk a Mile in Her Shoes website If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

24 Juli 201917min

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