Survivor Story - Hannah's Story for Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Survivor Story - Hannah's Story for Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2020 begins with a Survivor Story. Hannah submitted her story to Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services and approved a reading of the story. Producer Dan Moyle reads the account. Interim Executive Director (who is also our Director of Advocacy Services) Deborah Hackworth and Sexual Assault Therapist Krista DeBoer discuss the story to help us find hope and insight.

Hannah's Story:

Did he always intend to go that far? Why me? Was I an easy target? Is it my fault? These questions no longer haunt me, but they still exist.

I was a 13 year old girl in seventh grade just trying to survive mean girls, figuring out my body, and thinking about boys. The usual 13 year old girl stuff. I remember feeling innocent amongst my friends. They all had siblings a few years older so they were all well versed in things 13 year olds should not be talking about. But there I was an insider yet still somehow an outsider. Seventh grade was going as normal as seventh grade could go until my friends cousin started to take notice of me. I was 13 and he was 19. He was a senior in high school and talked to his cousin at least once a week at school. I was with her the last time they had spoken in the halls and from that point on he acknowledged me.

It started with a quick hello or a wink as I walked by. I was 13 and a boy was being kind to me, I was flattered. He started to come into my classroom as the teacher’s assistant. His behavior became more flirtatious, he started hugging me and touching my arm or back if we walked by one another. I thought nothing of it other then I cannot believe this cute older guy is being so sweet to me.

I remember sitting in class when one of the guys in the 8 th grade came in. He walked right up to me and said, “I was just with BLANK and he said if you were older he would totally F you.” I honestly did not know what to say at that point. I was no longer flattered but my best friend was standing right next to me and bumped my side and smiled at me like I should be excited. It made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t feel like I could say anything. I did think it was weird that he would say that and at that point I had never had sex; I had never done anything. I just moved on from that particular statement and pretended it did not happen plus what was anyone going to do about him saying it?

Things continued on. He continued to come into our gym time after lunch, taking pictures with me, flirting in the halls and so on. The end of the school year was nearing and he was getting ready to graduate. It was my friends birthday and she was having a party at her house. I figured he would be there just because of the family relation and because I might go. I knew my mom would never let me go because this particular friend had zero supervision at her house but I had planned to sneak out. I was honestly sick about the thought of doing that. I was not thinking about the consequences and I truly did not want to but I thought I was missing out on something.

The night came to my friend’s birthday party and of course my mom said no. My friend and I communicated to when and how he could come pick me up for the party. I put my pink princess robe over my clothes and waited until my parents were asleep. I heard him honk as he went by and I knew it was time to sneak out. I got out of the house easily and quickly. Again, I was literally sick. I threw up 3 times that night just because I was so nervous. We got to the party successfully and all I could do was sit there and act as though I was enjoying myself. The party was a party. I found out after getting there not only was this my friend’s birthday but it was also HIS birthday. Why he would want to spend his birthday with a bunch of 13 yr olds is beyond me, well it was until later. Most of our friends left and it was just me, him, and his cousin (my friend). We ended up leaving to go to his friend’s house for a little then coming back. She fell asleep on the couch and I was watching t.v. on the other couch. I could not sleep. I just wanted to go home; I knew I screwed up coming to the party.

He came from the hallway and gestured me to follow him. I was scared and nervous but I got up and followed him into my friend’s bedroom. I honestly did not know what was going to happen. I was 13. Fight, flight, or freeze. I froze. I cried. I did not move. I stared at the ceiling, unable to react to anything. Half way through the rape, tears streaming down my face, he said, “Are you okay?” ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! I KNOW YOU CAN FEEL MY SHAKING BODY AND HEAR ME CRYING, YOU KNOW I AM NOT OKAY!!!! I don’t remember making it back to the couch but I did somehow. I fell asleep and woke up to my parents screaming at me because I had never come home and they figured out I had snuck out to my friend’s. I was grounded forever and they questioned him about why he would ever pick up a 13 yr old girl. They never called the police though. At the time I was glad but now I wish they would have.

After I returned to school everyone knew what happened and then I heard that he had told everyone we had sex. HE TOLD EVERYONE WE HAD SEX. CONSENSUAL SEX. It ruined my reputation. I was called every name in the book and everyone looked at me differently from that moment on.

For the next 7 years. Yes 7 years, I was suicidal, depressed, anxiety ridden, and I went from being a virgin to sleeping around. My ability to say no was taken away from me. I lost my voice. I started letting people walk all over me and using me. I was so angry and I could not express why. I became mean. I entered into a teen dating violence relationship that left me with a broken rib and heart thus creating in me more unhealthy habits. I had the most distorted view of what love was. I had no idea who I was and I didn’t know how to fix anything.

I did find healing, grace, forgiveness, and my voice. My healing started with forgiveness. I forgave him and all those that perpetuated his consensual sex story and I forgave myself. I know that my healing had to start with forgiveness. At some point I had to stop being what happened to me and blaming others for my choices. I had to let it all go so God could piece me back together and help me find my voice in a healthy way. I am still healing and I always will be but it is part of the process. What happened will never un-happen but it does not have to run my life.

I also forgave my parents. A part of me always blamed them because I thought they knew what happened but when I finally told my mom and dad at age 27 I realized through their brokenness that they truly had no idea. I had been holding resentment toward them for 14 years and I was freed from that 7 years after I started my healing process. As I stated before healing is a process.

Something I have to point out in all of this is the grooming. He groomed me from the moment he saw me to the night that it happened. He knew what he was doing and what the outcome would be for him. I used to blame myself for sneaking out that night and I questioned whether or not if he really knew what he had done. He did, he just did not care and it was not my fault. Also, I knew something was not right from the beginning but I ignored it. Even at 13 I knew it was wrong, trust that feeling when you get it. You are most likely right.

Again, please remember that healing is always possible, there is someone out there that cares deeply for you and your scars, and what happened to you is not your fault.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

Avsnitt(121)

How Can I Tell if I Have Abusive Parents

How Can I Tell if I Have Abusive Parents

Maryssa Presbitero, child advocate at DASAS, helps answer the question "How can I tell if my parents are abusive?" Child abuse is more than physical violence or neglect. It can come in many other forms like narcissism, trying to turn the child against a parent, making the child responsible for the parent's emotional well-being and more. Resources used in this conversation: Healthline 11 signs you have an emotionally abusive mother 15 signs you have an emotionally abusive parent How you can tell if you have emotionally abusive parents Melissa's WMU article A Behavioral Analysis of Intimate Partner Violence Victims ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

16 Dec 202026min

Can Domestic Abuse Cause Depression?

Can Domestic Abuse Cause Depression?

This follow up to "How Does Domestic Violence Affect the Brain?" brings DASAS therapist Elizabeth Alderson back to explore whether domestic violence, and all abuse, can be a cause of depression. Research shows that victims of domestic violence or abuse are at a significantly higher risk of experiencing a range of mental health conditions including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and thoughts of suicide. The likelihood of developing depression was 2.7 times greater, anxiety four times greater, and drug and alcohol misuse six times greater. The likelihood of having suicidal thoughts was 3.5 times greater for women who had experienced domestic violence than those who hadn’t. —————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

9 Dec 202031min

How Does Domestic Violence Affect the Brain?

How Does Domestic Violence Affect the Brain?

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.​ How does domestic violence affect the brain? What kind of damage does abuse have on one of our most important organs? And how can we recover? DASAS therapist and licensed social worker Elizabeth Alderson talks with host Claudia Pahls about the effects of domestic abuse on our brains. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

2 Dec 202032min

Author Newton Matos - Deep Down: Delivered From a Dark Past

Author Newton Matos - Deep Down: Delivered From a Dark Past

Newton Matos escaped a truly harrowing past - a drug-addicted mother, gang life, homelessness and a criminal record all before he turned eighteen. He joined the Navy to escape and start a new life, but the stress of combat added to his lifelong traumas. He cracked. Suicidal and suffering from the worst case of PTSD diagnosed by Navy and civilian doctors, Newton began therapy and his life began to change. His memoir, Deep Down: Delivered From a Dark Past is his personal account of his healing and ultimate victory over an unimaginable past. It's a testament to the power of survival. Newton shares his story on this episode of I'm Not In An Abusive Relationship. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

25 Nov 202031min

How to Deal with Toxic Family Members

How to Deal with Toxic Family Members

What do you do when there's an abusive person in your family? How do you deal with toxic family members? In this episode, Director of Advocacy Services Deborah Hackworth joins Dan Moyle to talk about how to deal with family members who show abusive behavior or who exhibit toxic behavior. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

18 Nov 202025min

Survivor Story - Successful CEO and Podcaster Laura Owens Shares Her Story to Inspire and Encourage

Survivor Story - Successful CEO and Podcaster Laura Owens Shares Her Story to Inspire and Encourage

On this episode, Laura Owens, co-host of the #8 ranked All-Time Bestselling Entrepreneurship show on Apple Podcast Nobody Told Me!, joins Dan to share her survivor story."Ironically, Nobody Told Me! was created at the darkest time of my life," Laura says. "I was desperate to hear inspirational stories from other people."Laura asked to share her story with you, our listeners, to help break the stigma about this public health crisis that plagues every corner of our society and does not discriminate."I want to share the power of random acts of kindness, because it was the random act of kindness from a stranger that was the catalyst for my leaving the abusive relationship I was in. What that kind stranger did for me, I want to do for others. I also want to remind women to check in on their friends, even if they look like they're living the perfect life on instagram. When I was at my all time low, you would never have been able to tell. Maybe taking small steps, like simply supporting each other is the key."———————————If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

11 Nov 202042min

Empowering Women to Heal Through Sharing Their Stories with Author of #SheWins Alisa Divine

Empowering Women to Heal Through Sharing Their Stories with Author of #SheWins Alisa Divine

For the last decade, Alisa Divine has supported women in feeling empowered. She founded The More Than Beautiful Project™, mentors women, and wrote #SheWins: Harrowing Stories From Women Who Survived Domestic Abuse. Her book captures and shares the irrepressible spirit of survivors, through portraiture and stories. She is also  the co-author of Killing Kate and Vice President of a publishing company, Personal Power Press, providing a platform for individuals to publish their stories, turn their pain into power and obstacles in opportunities, and inspire others. Alisa joins Dan to discuss her journey, her writing and her mission to empower women. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

4 Nov 202032min

Survivor Story - Why September Burton Blamed Herself for Her Abuse

Survivor Story - Why September Burton Blamed Herself for Her Abuse

September Burton is a survivor who believed her story to be unique. She believed, "It must be my fault that I was being abused and that if only I were better, smarter, skinnier, quieter, wealthier..." She believed if she could live up to a certain standard then he would stop abusing her and they could be happy together. She told us that because of podcasts like ours and books that brave women have written out that she eventually came to realize that her story is not unique and that there are people suffering who need to hear from those of who have been there and who have survived, healed, and overcome. Part of September's healing journey is sharing her story; a story of severe emotional and psychological abuse, as well as physical abuse by “the nicest guy you’ll ever meet." In her story she shares that her abuser is an attorney and stalked her in a way where the law couldn’t touch him. He took everything: her children, home, cars, career and her world because "I saw behind the mask he wears." September went on a healing journey and rebuilt her life. Now she speaks to empower. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

28 Okt 202044min

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