Survivor Story - Hannah's Story for Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Survivor Story - Hannah's Story for Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2020 begins with a Survivor Story. Hannah submitted her story to Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services and approved a reading of the story. Producer Dan Moyle reads the account. Interim Executive Director (who is also our Director of Advocacy Services) Deborah Hackworth and Sexual Assault Therapist Krista DeBoer discuss the story to help us find hope and insight.

Hannah's Story:

Did he always intend to go that far? Why me? Was I an easy target? Is it my fault? These questions no longer haunt me, but they still exist.

I was a 13 year old girl in seventh grade just trying to survive mean girls, figuring out my body, and thinking about boys. The usual 13 year old girl stuff. I remember feeling innocent amongst my friends. They all had siblings a few years older so they were all well versed in things 13 year olds should not be talking about. But there I was an insider yet still somehow an outsider. Seventh grade was going as normal as seventh grade could go until my friends cousin started to take notice of me. I was 13 and he was 19. He was a senior in high school and talked to his cousin at least once a week at school. I was with her the last time they had spoken in the halls and from that point on he acknowledged me.

It started with a quick hello or a wink as I walked by. I was 13 and a boy was being kind to me, I was flattered. He started to come into my classroom as the teacher’s assistant. His behavior became more flirtatious, he started hugging me and touching my arm or back if we walked by one another. I thought nothing of it other then I cannot believe this cute older guy is being so sweet to me.

I remember sitting in class when one of the guys in the 8 th grade came in. He walked right up to me and said, “I was just with BLANK and he said if you were older he would totally F you.” I honestly did not know what to say at that point. I was no longer flattered but my best friend was standing right next to me and bumped my side and smiled at me like I should be excited. It made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t feel like I could say anything. I did think it was weird that he would say that and at that point I had never had sex; I had never done anything. I just moved on from that particular statement and pretended it did not happen plus what was anyone going to do about him saying it?

Things continued on. He continued to come into our gym time after lunch, taking pictures with me, flirting in the halls and so on. The end of the school year was nearing and he was getting ready to graduate. It was my friends birthday and she was having a party at her house. I figured he would be there just because of the family relation and because I might go. I knew my mom would never let me go because this particular friend had zero supervision at her house but I had planned to sneak out. I was honestly sick about the thought of doing that. I was not thinking about the consequences and I truly did not want to but I thought I was missing out on something.

The night came to my friend’s birthday party and of course my mom said no. My friend and I communicated to when and how he could come pick me up for the party. I put my pink princess robe over my clothes and waited until my parents were asleep. I heard him honk as he went by and I knew it was time to sneak out. I got out of the house easily and quickly. Again, I was literally sick. I threw up 3 times that night just because I was so nervous. We got to the party successfully and all I could do was sit there and act as though I was enjoying myself. The party was a party. I found out after getting there not only was this my friend’s birthday but it was also HIS birthday. Why he would want to spend his birthday with a bunch of 13 yr olds is beyond me, well it was until later. Most of our friends left and it was just me, him, and his cousin (my friend). We ended up leaving to go to his friend’s house for a little then coming back. She fell asleep on the couch and I was watching t.v. on the other couch. I could not sleep. I just wanted to go home; I knew I screwed up coming to the party.

He came from the hallway and gestured me to follow him. I was scared and nervous but I got up and followed him into my friend’s bedroom. I honestly did not know what was going to happen. I was 13. Fight, flight, or freeze. I froze. I cried. I did not move. I stared at the ceiling, unable to react to anything. Half way through the rape, tears streaming down my face, he said, “Are you okay?” ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! I KNOW YOU CAN FEEL MY SHAKING BODY AND HEAR ME CRYING, YOU KNOW I AM NOT OKAY!!!! I don’t remember making it back to the couch but I did somehow. I fell asleep and woke up to my parents screaming at me because I had never come home and they figured out I had snuck out to my friend’s. I was grounded forever and they questioned him about why he would ever pick up a 13 yr old girl. They never called the police though. At the time I was glad but now I wish they would have.

After I returned to school everyone knew what happened and then I heard that he had told everyone we had sex. HE TOLD EVERYONE WE HAD SEX. CONSENSUAL SEX. It ruined my reputation. I was called every name in the book and everyone looked at me differently from that moment on.

For the next 7 years. Yes 7 years, I was suicidal, depressed, anxiety ridden, and I went from being a virgin to sleeping around. My ability to say no was taken away from me. I lost my voice. I started letting people walk all over me and using me. I was so angry and I could not express why. I became mean. I entered into a teen dating violence relationship that left me with a broken rib and heart thus creating in me more unhealthy habits. I had the most distorted view of what love was. I had no idea who I was and I didn’t know how to fix anything.

I did find healing, grace, forgiveness, and my voice. My healing started with forgiveness. I forgave him and all those that perpetuated his consensual sex story and I forgave myself. I know that my healing had to start with forgiveness. At some point I had to stop being what happened to me and blaming others for my choices. I had to let it all go so God could piece me back together and help me find my voice in a healthy way. I am still healing and I always will be but it is part of the process. What happened will never un-happen but it does not have to run my life.

I also forgave my parents. A part of me always blamed them because I thought they knew what happened but when I finally told my mom and dad at age 27 I realized through their brokenness that they truly had no idea. I had been holding resentment toward them for 14 years and I was freed from that 7 years after I started my healing process. As I stated before healing is a process.

Something I have to point out in all of this is the grooming. He groomed me from the moment he saw me to the night that it happened. He knew what he was doing and what the outcome would be for him. I used to blame myself for sneaking out that night and I questioned whether or not if he really knew what he had done. He did, he just did not care and it was not my fault. Also, I knew something was not right from the beginning but I ignored it. Even at 13 I knew it was wrong, trust that feeling when you get it. You are most likely right.

Again, please remember that healing is always possible, there is someone out there that cares deeply for you and your scars, and what happened to you is not your fault.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

Avsnitt(121)

Abuse in the News - Athlete A and USA Gymnastics

Abuse in the News - Athlete A and USA Gymnastics

In this episode DASAS Sexual Assault Therapist Krista DeBoer unpacks the documentary Athlete A. Krista was also a gymnast for several years. Athlete A is a 2020 American documentary film directed by Bonni Cohen and Jon Shenk. The documentary follows a team of investigative journalists from The Indianapolis Star as they broke the story of doctor Larry Nassar assaulting young female gymnasts. It was released on June 24, 2020, by Netflix. For a look at the larger subject of sexual abuse in sports, including red flags for parents to watch out for, listen to our previous episodes where we tackle this difficult subject: Sexual Abuse in Sports Part 1 Sexual Abuse in Sports Part 2 ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

26 Aug 202027min

Sexual Abuse in Sports Part 2 - Warning Signs for Parents

Sexual Abuse in Sports Part 2 - Warning Signs for Parents

Krista DeBoer, Sexual Assault Therapist at DASAS, and Dani Filipek, Sexual Assault Advocate at DASAS join Dan Moyle to revisit sexual assault in sports. On this follow up to our previous episode "Sexual Abuse in Sports," Dani and Krista talk through red flags parents should look for, like the culture of the team which the coaches and other adults set, plus the players and their actions/attitudes, and other warning signs. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

19 Aug 202026min

Survivor Story - Four Survivors In Their Own Words

Survivor Story - Four Survivors In Their Own Words

In this episode, former guest Michele (a survivor and the inspiration behind the podcast) shares a project she did in college where four women share their survivor experiences in a narrative story. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

12 Aug 202015min

ACEs and Resilience in the Environment of COVID-19 with Jennifer Nottingham

ACEs and Resilience in the Environment of COVID-19 with Jennifer Nottingham

An adverse childhood experience (ACE) describes a traumatic experience in a person’s life occurring before the age of 18 that the person remembers as an adult. This year, a request was made to address the issue of COVID-19 and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). As serious as these issues are, it appeared at first to be an easy assignment. But maybe not. Jennifer Nottingham and Richard Murdock published an article for the Michigan ACE Initiative exploring the effects of the pandemic on children. On this episode she joins Dan to talk about ACEs, children facing the pandemic and the resilience of those kids. Read the article here The CDC-Kaiser ACE Study Stay Well Michigan MPHI ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

5 Aug 202031min

Walk a Mile in Their Shoes 2020 - Virtual Challenge and a Name Change

Walk a Mile in Their Shoes 2020 - Virtual Challenge and a Name Change

In this episode Dan Moyle talks with Deborah Hackworth (Interim Executive Director), McKenna Bowdish (Walk committee Chair) and Ned Haylett (past President and Walk supporter) about the changes coming to this year's Walk a Mile event for DASAS. Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services will host a 3-week virtual fundraiser in place of its regularly-scheduled in-person “Walk a Mile” event for 2020. Due to the coronavirus and Covid-19 pandemic, DASAS has turned the Three Rivers event into a virtual challenge where participants take part wherever they are. “While our excitement for our upcoming event is high, we know we have a commitment to our community's health and safety,” Interim Executive Director Deborah Hackworth says. “In an effort to avoid bringing large groups together, we have decided to create this virtual challenge. The goal is to reach a total of 700+ miles together, walking or running, to represent the 700+ survivors who received help from our DASAS Programs in 2019. We know that as supporters walk with our clients on their hearts and minds, the money will come. We have such a generous network.” Also new this year is the name of the event. For several years DASAS hosted the “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” event. While the walk has always been successful, DASAS leadership recognized that the event has not been truly inclusive of all individuals, nor called attention to all victims. For example, one out of every seven men is physically abused in intimate partner relationships, and one in six individuals is sexually assaulted as a child. Yet, in the past, our Walk a Mile event has focused solely on women as victims.  In addition, DASAS was concerned that men wearing heels in such a playful manner may be insensitive to individuals with nontraditional gender identity or sexual orientation. In order to host an event that is inclusive of all gender identities and sexual orientations, DASAS made a few changes to the event for 2020.​ This event is open to everyone— people of all genders and ages— making this a fully inclusive and family event. Rather than meeting in person, DASAS asks you to wear shoes symbolizing a person whom you know who was or is being abused or assaulted, or the shoes of a group of victims about which you particularly want to raise awareness. In this way, we can also honor male victims and child victims (perhaps by tying children’s shoes around your neck for the walk). Here’s how you can take part. We encourage individuals to challenge their friends and family to take the Walk-A-Mile Challenge. This can be completed at any time between August 1 thru Saturday, August 22 at 11:59 p.m. Participants can complete their walk/run at any time between August 1 and Saturday, August 22 at 11:59 p.m., all you have to do is: ● Register online https://dasasmi.networkforgood.com/events/22075-700-walk-a-mile-challenge ● Take a photo or video of yourself walking or running a mile (or more!) ● Post the photo or video on Facebook- use hashtag #DASASWalkaMile, tag DASAS, or email info@dasasmi.org so DASAS can feature you! Include how many miles you walked/run to help DASAS meet their goal of 700+ miles ● If you pledge to walk 3 miles or more, DASAS will mail you a Walk a Mile in Their Shoes t-shirt! Proceeds will support the Survivors and DASAS Programs.    Businesses can contact McKenna at 269-273-6977 for sponsorship information. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

29 Juli 202041min

WBET Sturgis Interviews Deborah Hackworth and Dan Moyle

WBET Sturgis Interviews Deborah Hackworth and Dan Moyle

Since our launch, WBET in Sturgis, Michigan has been home to our recordings. They have generously donated the studio time, the equipment and the expertise when needed to record I'm Not In An Abusive Relationship for you, our listener. On this special episode, WBET personality Mike Stiles interviews our producers Deborah Hackworth and Dan Moyle about the progress, where it all started and what's next. Thank you to Mike for inviting us onto the morning show and for allowing us to use the conversation in our episodes. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

22 Juli 202018min

Survivor Story - Madison Carter Shares Her Book Stop Making Me Cry

Survivor Story - Madison Carter Shares Her Book Stop Making Me Cry

Madison Carter turned her survivor story of emotional, psychological and physical abuse into a novel full of insight and hope. On this episode, Madison joins Dan to talk about the book and her journey from victim to survivor. "All Grace ever wanted was the normal things in life: a happy marriage, a big house, and a loving family. She never imagined her life would turn out so differently. The submissive Christian life she was asked to live left her totally dominated, oppressed, and depressed by her aggressive, controlling, and manipulative husband. She and her children were systematically crushed, and their will to thrive was snuffed out at every turn. She had no idea how to handle the insults and abuse from her husband or the isolation from her family. She never thought she’d lose her faith in God or plunge into such depths of despair. This powerful, heart-wrenching, true story of living every day with an abuser will educate readers on the serious nature of abuse, and it will show how Grace received healing and restoration after going through years of emotional abuse. It was only through God that she was able to find the strength to stand up for herself. Don’t miss out on this gripping narrative which is for anyone who has experienced emotional pain and is familiar with feelings of sadness, and who wants to find peace, joy and freedom." Buy Stop Making Me Cry here ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

15 Juli 202036min

Healthy Relationships After Domestic Violence

Healthy Relationships After Domestic Violence

Victims in an abusive relationship oftentimes feel hopeless. They're hopeless that they can get out of the relationship. They're hopeless that they'll ever find love again. "Can I find love after domestic violence?" But hope is not lost. Elizabeth Aldreson, therapist at DASAS, explores the hope that comes with healthy relationships after domestic violence. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

8 Juli 202029min

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