Embracing Perfectionism with Katherine Morgan Schafler

Embracing Perfectionism with Katherine Morgan Schafler

Forrest explores how we can harness perfectionism’s strengths without getting captured by its vulnerabilities with therapist and author Katherine Morgan Schafler. They talk about perfectionism’s bad branding, and how our relationship with perfectionism can lead to it being either a superpower or a stumbling block. They discuss the different types of perfectionists, the limitations of defining perfectionism merely as a defense against criticism, and the importance of shifting our language around self-criticism. You’ll learn about the difference between power and control, why self-compassion beats self-punishment, and how to keep perfectionism in check while still reaching your goals. About our Guest: Katherine is a psychotherapist, former on-site therapist at Google, and author of the recent book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:35: Defining perfectionism 6:00: Ideals, identity, and asking yourself how and why you’re striving 12:40: The five types of perfectionists 21:55: Why defining perfectionism as a ‘defense against criticism’ falls short 28:20: Changing our vocabulary around self-criticism 34:00: Why self-punishment doesn’t work 38:10: The difference between power and control 44:40: Splitting vs. scaling, and reaching out for connection 49:10: When perfectionistic tendencies invade our relationships 54:10: The intention that drives real goals, and finding your metric for measuring success 1:07:10: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 20: Forming a Healthy Relationship with Goals

Ep. 20: Forming a Healthy Relationship with Goals

How can we set and stick to our goals without getting overly attached to them or punishing ourselves if we backslide? Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how we can feel more successful by noticing the many small goals we accomplish each day, and fully internalizing that experience so it becomes a lasting resource. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:50: Why is having a healthy relationship with our goals so important for mental health? 4:30: How can we achieve a more healthy relationship with our goals? 6:35: The social pressures that help us feel unsuccessful. 8:30: What are process goals? 9:55: What are outcome goals? 10:20: The many opportunities to meet our goals. 11:40: Hacking the natural pleasure systems in the brain. 14:25: If we have so many opportunities to experience success, why don’t we? 17:50: What about when we aren’t successful? How can we better manage those feelings of failure? 21:30: Risking the “dreaded experience.” 24:30: Isn’t the fear of failure really motivating though? 29:50: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Maj 201832min

Ep. 17: Relating to Your Body

Ep. 17: Relating to Your Body

Learn how to form a more positive relationship with your body by accepting, nurturing, and appreciating it. Dr. Hanson and Forrest discuss key elements of the strength of Vitality, and how it relates to Grit. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:50: How does the physical resource of “vitality” impact the mental strength of “grit”? 2:10: How accepting the body helps us nurture the body. 4:10: Why is it so hard for people to accept their bodies? 8:10: How can we become more accepting of our bodies? 11:45: A practice for accepting the body. 14:00: The importance of appreciating the body. 16:30: A practice for thanking the body. 18:30: How can we form good habits around our physical practices? 22:10: Taking action on any given day, focusing on your effort rather than results. 24:15: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

30 Apr 201825min

Ep. 16: Using Your Fierceness

Ep. 16: Using Your Fierceness

Dr. Hanson and Forrest talk about a particularly challenging aspect of the strength of determination: fierceness. They explore how the ‘feral’ parts of our mind can be a powerful resource, and how we can use that inner strength rather than be used by it. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:40: What does “fierceness” mean? 3:20: How fierceness fuels determination. 5:20: Is how we think about fierceness defined by our individual experience? 6:20: Different ways to think about the ‘feral’ experience. 8:45: The difficulty in articulating this material. 9:15: Using all the material in the psyche as a potential resource. 12:00: Pitfalls relating to fierceness. 16:20: The burden of proof when being fierce. 18:00: The two pitfalls related to fierceness. 19:30: Increasing our comfort with fierceness. 24:50: Strengthening our own cores. 27:25: Taming the beast by allowing it to run. 28:55: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

23 Apr 201831min

Ep. 15: How to Become More Determined

Ep. 15: How to Become More Determined

On today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest continue their focus on the strength of Grit with determination. Particularly, they look at the different aspects of determination, and explore how we can grow each of them over time. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:35: How “determination” relates to grit. 2:00: Being determined to a fault. 2:50: What determination is made up of. 3:55: Being resolved toward a goal. 8:00: Balancing patience with agency. 9:30: Realistic expectations enabling patience. 11:45: How much patience is too much? 12:30: The marshmallow test. 15:00: Distress tolerance. 16:25: How can you help yourself enjoy persistence? 21:30: What do we mean by “fierceness?” 23:15: Issues with fierceness. 24:15: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Apr 201825min

Ep. 14: The Power of Agency

Ep. 14: The Power of Agency

On today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Hanson begins a new focus on the fourth of the twelve strengths he’ll be covering throughout this series: Grit. Particularly, this episode explores how to grow agency – an aspect of grit where we feel like a cause rather than an effect. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: What is grit? 0:50: How does physical grit support psychological grit? 4:45: Can we grow grit? 5:45: Why agency is important for growing grit. 6:45: How agency fights against “learned helplessness.” 9:30: How can we “unlearn” learned helplessness? 16:10: What can we do when we ACTUALLY are helpless? 18:00: Being realistic about the amount of power we have over our lives. 19:30: Finding small ways to express agency. 21:00: Focusing on causes rather than effects. 24:55: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Apr 201826min

Ep. 13: Remove the Bad with the Good

Ep. 13: Remove the Bad with the Good

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest discuss "linking" - how we can use new, positive experiences to soften and eventually replace old, negative ones. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:20: What is linking? 2:20: An example of linking. 3:50: How does linking work in the brain? 5:50: How removing old, painful experiences works in the brain. 8:30: How we can remove old pains. 10:10: Quick recap 11:05: The two opportunities to remove negative material. 13:20: The two problematic ways people deal with upsets. 14:05: The better way to approach upsetting situations. 15:20: Matching the right positive experiences to the negative experience. 16:00: The pitfalls of linking. 17:55: Why negative material isn’t “bad.” 18:30: The third option found in linking. 19:45: The difference between wounds and deficits. 20:30: The three levels of engaging negative material. 23:30: Pulling the tip of the root. 24:00: How to talk to your young experiences. 27:10: The three conditions for linking. 29:25: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Apr 201832min

Ep. 12: Finding What You Really Need

Ep. 12: Finding What You Really Need

On today’s episode of the Being Well podcast, Dr. Hanson and Forrest talk about how we can find and use “key resource experiences” – experiences that we can match to our unique vulnerabilities in order to grow the strengths we need the most. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Timestamps: 0:45: What is a key resource experience? 1:45: What would be useful in dealing with your issues? 2:30: How to identify your key resources. 4:00: What were the times when you were at your best? 5:15: Identifying the vulnerabilities we match key resources to. 7:40: How do our vulnerabilities relate to our needs? 10:50: Matching key resources to specific needs. 11:15: Resources for anxiety, anger, and helplessness. 13:45: Feeling alright, right now. 15:35: Resources for satisfaction. 18:45: The importance of resourcefulness. 19:30: Resources for connection. 21:05: Means vs. Ends 27:25: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

27 Mars 201829min

Ep. 11: Make Your Learning Last

Ep. 11: Make Your Learning Last

How can we help the brain "absorb" the things we want it to hold on to? Dr. Rick Hanson explores the “installation” stage of learning in detail, including how we can internalize the various positive aspects of any experience to grow the strengths we need the most. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:50: What attracted you to “learning”? 3:15: The “dirty secret” of the personal growth professions. 5:05: The five ways we can enrich our experience. 8:10: Multimodality: how to learn through the different aspects of experience. 9:00: Why writing affirmations rarely works. 9:55: Bridging the gap between thought and experience. 13:30: Our many opportunities for learning. 14:30: How to make our experiences feel novel. 16:40: How to make our experiences feel relevant. 18:20: How to absorb experiences. 19:50: Letting experiences into our body. 24:10: Changing our relationship to experiences 25:30: The power of “retroactive rehearsal.” 28:00: The foundation of learning. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

19 Mars 201831min

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