017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Avsnitt(511)

015: The Five Secrets of Effective Communication (Part 2)

015: The Five Secrets of Effective Communication (Part 2)

If used skillfully, the Five Secrets can resolve nearly any relationship conflict and transform hostility, resentment and mistrust into intimacy and warmth, often with amazing speed. And although this...

19 Dec 201633min

014: The Five Secrets of Effective Communication (Part 1)

014: The Five Secrets of Effective Communication (Part 1)

Practically all of us have a friend, colleague, client, customer or family member we aren't getting along with very well. Perhaps the difficult person in your life is excessively critical of you, comp...

12 Dec 201638min

013: Ask David — Is Anxiety Inevitable?

013: Ask David — Is Anxiety Inevitable?

A fan points out that many of the examples in David's book, When Panic Attacks, are high functioning individuals with lots of education and good jobs. She asks Dr. Burns if depression and anxiety are ...

5 Dec 201625min

012: Negative and Positive Distortions (Part 3)

012: Negative and Positive Distortions (Part 3)

Discuss of "Should" Statements, Labeling, and Blame. Dr. Burns brings these distortions to life with a case of a severely depressed woman who felt profoundly guilty and devastated after her brother's ...

28 Nov 201625min

011: Negative and Positive Distortions (Part 2)

011: Negative and Positive Distortions (Part 2)

Three common distortions: Jumping to Conclusions (including Mind-Reading and Fortune-Telling), Magnification and Minimization (also called the Binocular Trick), and Emotional Reasoning.

21 Nov 201632min

010: Negative and Positive Distortions (Part 1)

010: Negative and Positive Distortions (Part 1)

Common thought distortions that trigger negative feelings: All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filter, and Discounting the Positive.

18 Nov 201631min

009: Should I Try to Be Happy All the Time? Healthy vs. Unhealthy Emotions

009: Should I Try to Be Happy All the Time? Healthy vs. Unhealthy Emotions

When we're feeling depressed, anxious, or angry, should we accept our feelings or try to change them?

15 Nov 201631min

008: M = Methods (Part 2) — You Can CHANGE the Way You FEEL

008: M = Methods (Part 2) — You Can CHANGE the Way You FEEL

A session with a severely depressed, suicidal, hospitalized woman with rapidly cycling bipolar illness, who'd had 15 years of failed treatment with drugs and psychotherapy.

12 Nov 201633min

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