#89 - Parenting Without Losing Your Mind... or Your Marriage

#89 - Parenting Without Losing Your Mind... or Your Marriage

Becoming a Family: The Greatest Adventure of All Nothing can quite prepare you for the realities of parenthood. Life with babies and small children is, for most couples, a total shock to the system. As joyful and meaningful as this stage of life is, it can be very difficult. If you aren't thoughtful and intentional about what you're doing, parenthood can quickly become a chaotic, frustrating experience -- and take a huge toll on your marriage. As a marriage counselor, I'm always thrilled when smart, proactive couples show up for premarital counseling. My only wish is that more would show up for "pre-baby counseling." Because having a baby is a much bigger deal, emotionally and relationally, than getting hitched. Unfortunately, there is no such thing. Do a quick google search and about the only thing you find about "preparing for a baby" has to do with fitness, nutrition, and the ocean of baby-gear that you could acquire. Having kids changes everything, but it's hard to imagine what those changes will be until you actually do it. Most couples experience challenges that never occurred to them were even possible, while they were spending leisurely days shopping for baby furniture and talking about how much fun family fishing trips will be. (Or were consumed with riding the rollercoaster of protracted infertility). From the first day that little bundle is home, they are both faced with needing to make major changes around everything from they way they communicate, to expectations about what should be happening, to a higher need for teamwork, to establishing new systems so everything runs smoothly, to what role they each take with each other and as parents. Sprinkle in some anxiety, post part depression, sleep deprivation, no game plan, and a screaming baby and it can get tense pretty fast. It's a major life transition, and a lot to deal with. And if you just let it go, and hope for the best it's quite possible to become a statistical average and not enjoy the experience that that much. Research on marital satisfaction over the family life cycle has shown that there is a trend towards lower enjoyment of married life after having kids. Here's the depressing graph: www.growingself.com/parenting-without-losing-your-mind-yourself-or-your-marriage Parenting Together CAN Be Joyful That graph does not have to be YOUR reality. You are not a statistical average. You are a person with free will, choices, and you're already taking control over the situation by educating yourself. You get to be in charge of your life, and your family experience. I'm here as a wife, mom, and marriage and family therapist to tell you that life with kids doesn't have to be difficult, and it does not need to negatively impact your marriage. In fact, if you put even half as much time into figuring out your post-baby game plan (and your own personal growth opportunities) as you do into childbirth preparation classes you can avoid many of the most common pitfalls of new parents. Embracing the opportunities to grow that this phase of life offers will expand you. Parenthood is truly a vehicle to personal evolution. Even more importantly, when you intentionally grow skills in a few key areas you can cultivate a stronger marriage than you had pre-baby: You can have better communication, stronger agreement, more teamwork, and more fun than ever before. Except that it can be even more meaningful, important, and love drenched -- and probably messier -- that you ever imagined. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be sharing some tips about where to where to start if you want to have a peaceful home, a strong marriage, great communication, easy kids, be on the same page with your partner, and have a shared vision for your family that is rooted in your core values. All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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#368 - Post-Traumatic Growth

#368 - Post-Traumatic Growth

Post traumatic growth is a real phenomenon. After traumatic things happen to us, we don’t stay broken forever. We learn and grow from our most difficult experiences and use them to live more meaningful lives.  But all of that can feel out of reach when you’re in the depths of a traumatic loss. This episode will help you begin to move in the direction of growth and healing, so you can reap the benefits of post traumatic growth.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

25 Sep 202346min

#367 - Tools for Surviving Infidelity

#367 - Tools for Surviving Infidelity

You know that infidelity is survivable… but it doesn’t always feel that way when it’s happening to you. Being cheated on by someone you love and trust is a profoundly painful experience. You need some practical tools to process what happened, heal your heart, and begin moving forward again.  This episode is about the tools that will help you survive infidelity and come out the other side stronger than before. I hope you’ll join me.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

18 Sep 20231h 6min

#366 - How to Connect with an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

#366 - How to Connect with an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

When you feel like you can’t connect deeply with someone you love, it’s painful. It’s common for people in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners to blame themselves, and believe that if they could just be perfect enough, then their emotionally unavailable partner would magically become responsive and available for the kind of relationship that they want to have.  This mindset makes you feel bad about yourself, and unfortunately, it can push your emotionally unavailable partner even further away. So what should you do? That’s what we’re exploring on this episode of the podcast. I hope it helps you see where your relationship’s growth opportunities are, and make choices that are right for you.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

11 Sep 202350min

#365 - Setting Boundaries at Work

#365 - Setting Boundaries at Work

When you struggle to set boundaries at work, it doesn’t just intrude on your personal life, it makes it harder for you to achieve your vision of career success. Learn how to set healthy limits with coworkers, achieve work-life balance, and deal with a boss that doesn’t respect your boundaries.  All of that and more on this episode of the podcast.  Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

4 Sep 20231h 3min

#364 - How to Let Go of the Past

#364 - How to Let Go of the Past

Do you feel haunted by the past? Whether you’re struggling with regret, anger, or grief, having unfinished business with the past can keep you feeling stuck. But you can let go of the past and begin moving forward, and this episode will show you how.  I hope you join me for this one, all about how to let go of the past and start looking forward.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

28 Aug 20231h 2min

#363 - Why We Fall Out of Love (and What to Do About It)

#363 - Why We Fall Out of Love (and What to Do About It)

Long term relationships can get a little stale when you don’t know how to keep love alive over the long haul. It’s very common for couples to believe they’ve fallen out of love when this happens. But a stronger, more fulfilling relationship is possible, and on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how.  I hope it gives you hope for your relationship and guidance on how to bridge the gap so you can feel in love with your partner again.  Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

21 Aug 202357min

#362 - Navigating Pregnancy as a Team

#362 - Navigating Pregnancy as a Team

Smart couples recognize that pregnancy is more than a growing-a-baby waiting game. It is a prime opportunity to work through important relationship issues and strengthen your relationship. Having a baby can feel like it’s the Pregnant Lady Show, rather than an experience that you and your partner are working through together. But the journey of pregnancy, and the challenges it offers, are opportunities for growth — for both of you.  Using these moments during pregnancy will help you know how to work as a team, improve your communication, increase your emotional intimacy, support your emotional wellbeing, and lay the foundation for the happy, healthy family life you want for yourselves and your child... but only if you know how. This episode is going to teach you how to turn the pregnancy into a positive relationship growth experience, by navigating the pregnancy experience as a team. My guests D’Anthony and Rachel Ward are experts on this subject, and today they're sharing their wisdom with you. Join us! Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com PS: I have so much more to support you and your family in my "Happy Families" content collection. Tap in to find expert advice from the marriage and family therapists and parenting coaches on my team, as well as curated podcast playlists just for you.

14 Aug 20231h 4min

#361 - Avoid the Communication Killer: Negative Sentiment Override

#361 - Avoid the Communication Killer: Negative Sentiment Override

There’s a sneaky relationship killer lurking in your communication… but you’ve probably never heard of it.  Negative sentiment override happens when you get into the habit of reacting negatively to your partner because of bad past experiences, even when it’s not really called for in the present. It makes it hard to let go of the past and make positive changes for the future, and it can keep you feeling bogged down in unsatisfying relationship patterns.  In this episode, I’m teaching you what negative sentiment override is, why it happens, and how you can break the cycle for a stronger relationship.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

7 Aug 202346min

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