#419: Why Making Friends as an Adult is so HARD... and How to Cultivate a Community

Are you really worried about someone in your life? Are you being negatively impacted by the consequences of someone else's behavior? Few things are more frustrating than seeing someone you love suffering, spinning out of control, and unable or unwilling to get help. What to do? On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to avoid the biggest mistake you can make in this situation, and the surprising way to not just help-- but get your inner peace back. We'll talk about what it really means to "help" someone versus accidentally enable them to persist in their problems. You'll learn about how to avoid damaging your relationship with your loved one, and how to avoid the power struggle of co-dependency. By shifting your definition of what it means to help, you'll learn how to regain control of the situation. Getting clear about your boundaries, your values, and the one thing you really have power over (you) you'll start helping your loved one develop the authentic, inner motivation they need to make lasting change. The road to recovery is hard, but when you learn how to stop controlling, stop being upset, and start giving people the kind of help they really need you can change from being an accidental obstacle to recovery, to a catalyst for their growth. Lastly, I'll be giving you some practical steps for how to help yourself during your loved one's change process. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

27 Aug 201452min

The songs that Kurt taught us: You have more power than you know to help others, heal yourself, and generally make the world a better place. Everything you need to do this is inside of you right now: Peace, Love & Empathy.  Your personal experience of the world is the doorway to connecting with others. Through understanding yourself, you can understand others. And that kind of compassion has the power to change everything. Compassion is the force that can bring connection to conflict, bring peace to pain, and bring meaning to suffering. This is not a new idea. Teachers, Civil Activists, Saints and Prophets have been pointing their flashlights in this direction since the beginning of time. But today I'd like to share with you some personal insight into the life of a person who some people consider a modern-day prophet -- Kurt Cobain -- in order to teach you how to apply these ideas in your own life.  Listen, and learn how the power of empathy and compassion creates connection and meaning that transcends even a life... and the simple ideas you can practice that will help you shine your own light of love out into the world.

11 Aug 201437min

If you are looking for love, you have a better chance of finding the right person through an app on your iPhone than you do loitering around local watering holes. There are tens of thousands of eligible singles in Denver alone, and they have thoughtfully curated themselves to show you who they are before you even talk. You can flip through possibilities like you were flipping radio channels, until you find the perfect one. So easy, right? Well, theoretically. But the truth is that even the process of setting up a profile can be anxiety provoking. What picture do you use? What do you say? How do you set yourself apart without being weird? What if no-one gets in touch? What if they do but you don't like them? Agh! It's enough to make you scrap it all and just go back to standing around bars on Saturday nights. Help has arrived. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with the wonderful Bela Ghandi -- dating coach and online image consultant, and founder of Smart Dating Academy. You may have caught snippets of her dating wisdom from her appearances on the Steve Harvey Show. But if you missed it, listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and learn how to WIN online dating!

4 Aug 201450min

We all want to have good relationships -- our connections with others are central to authentic happiness. But the dark side of having a vibrant life with lots of people in it is that sometimes we feel imposed upon, hassled, crowded and disappointed by the people we’re trying to have relationships with. And thats where boundaries come in. As important as it is to be generous, and empathic, and loving towards others, if we aren’t mindful of our own boundaries and healthy limits we can give too much. The truth is that not everyone is a safe person for us to be emotionally close to, and to sacrifice for. But how to you figure out where to draw that line? Setting and maintaining boundaries is a complex process, with many aspects to it. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm teaching you the first step in creating and maintaining healthy boundaries: Getting to know who you're dealing with. Only then can you figure out what boundaries are appropriate. This is a technique I teach my private clients all the time. It will help you figure out what stage of relationship you are in, when you should keep your guard up, and when to feel okay about relaxing your boundaries.

28 Juli 201439min

I'm a big fan of feelings. Feelings carry important information. Feelings help us understand ourselves and other people, and feelings can help guide our lives. However, some kinds of feelings are more complicated than others. Sometimes we need to figure out if our feelings are worth listening to and taking guidance from, or if we need to override them order to be our best selves. Guilt is one of those potentially confusing feelings. Some "flavors" of guilt are good; they help us be better people. Some flavors of guilt can trap us in bad situations; stealing our voices and our power. How can you tell which guilt you should listen to, and which you should push away? On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast you'll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, as well as a practical, powerful strategy you can use to say goodbye to unhealthy guilt for good.

14 Juli 201434min

Feeling connected to other people is one of the most important factors in how happy people feel. Humans are social animals, and that’s true whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. We need each other. And social media relationships don’t count, from a happiness perspective. While actual, real world lets-hang-out relationships are strongly associated with happiness and perceived wellbeing, the opposite is true for Facebook relationships. People who spend more time on Facebook tend to be less happy, more lonely, and generally sadder than people who spent less time on it. A phone call will do much more for your mood than a scroll through your news-feed. But the truth is that connecting with others can feel challenging sometimes, especially in adulthood. Even for people who made friends effortlessly as kids or young adults can struggle to find new relationships as life evolves. I talk to people all the time who are attractive, smart and interesting — and who still feel really lonely and isolated sometimes. So on this edition of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast we're going to tackle this problem (and lick it's face until it giggles): How to make more (real) friends.

7 Juli 201438min

As a marriage counselor, I've learned through the years that there are fundamental differences between relationships that end, and ones that are reparable. And as sad as it is to work with couples who ultimately decide to split, in many cases it's really a good thing for both partners.  Of course break-ups are sad, and hard. There is loss, and grieving to do when your heart is broken. It's especially difficult if you're not the one who called things off. You have the right to be sad and hurt. And, I'd also like to offer you some perspective on why this break up may actually have been a good thing. Key points: 1) There was an unsolvable problem. 2) Your break-up saved you from a life of misery. 3) Your failed relationship changed your life for the better. Do you enjoy the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please say so in the reviews and subscribe! Also, don't forget to check out my website, www.drlisabobby.com for more Love, Happiness and Success articles and advice, and to take my free online "Happiness Class." -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

29 Juni 201439min

18 Juni 201453min