Episode 11 Finding the Confidence to Feel and Reveal Your Trauma with Erika Cramer

You have no idea how excited I was to speak with Erika Cramer. For a psychologist slightly obsessed with other people’s growth from pain and trauma, talking to Erika was SO deeply satisfying for the soul. To describe Erika as a fiery confidence coach doesn’t even cut it. Goddess Kali herself would see Erika out the corner of her eye and question what “powerful” means. If you don’t like Goddess culture, then let me put it in scientific terms – Erika is an outlier. Like eye wateringly way, way outside the curve of “expected” and I LOVE her so, so much because of it.

The amount of trauma this warrior woman has been through is off the scale. And yet here she is – having done the work, and continues to do the work on herself so that she can give to others. A self-described “ghetto Boston bitch” there is no bullshitting with Erika. She is the most gorgeous example for women of reframing “bossy” into being a justice-doing activist.

If you are struggling with anything and rehearsing ANY of these old stories: “it’s too late”, “it’s too hard to change”, “therapy is too expensive”, “I’m not ready”, “time heals all wounds” or whatever else you’re using as reasons not to dive into your growth – I hope you come away from Erika’s story feeling different.

Erika talks about

· Finding confidence from healing your own trauma

· How you can’t possibly inoculate yourself from all traumas. Accepting that trauma will come and trusting yourself to grow from it

· Erika’s experience of having a Mum with severe Bipolar Disorder, foster care, repeated sexual abuse, re-learning to walk after a horrific car crash, losing her husband after another horrific car crash, and having a dog who died in birth

· The journey from being someone who, at 18 thought “I’ll just get the baby cut out” through to being an advocate for home birth

· Working her way through judgement of other people and their birth choices through to letting go of “shoulds”

· The infinite possibilities of birth and letting go of expectation in birth to intention.

· Healing from a traumatic c-section birth through to a VBAC at home

· Using gratitude and connection from your trauma (e.g., “ok so now I can connect with women who’ve miscarried)

· Using bodywork through working on her hips and being in the moment to heal miscarriage, grief and emotional pain stored in her body

· Her hero’s journey from a “non-brochure” traumatic first birth through to working her arse off for a satisfying second birth

· A client’s perspective of how birth workers can forget what it’s like to be a client, and how it feels when your care provider isn’t confident

· The experiences of being told you’ve “failed to progress”, that “you’ll leave the hospital without a living baby if you don’t do X”, and that your first birth was “too crazy” for homebirth to be a good option

· The unpleasantness of proper self-care and how uncomfortable you need to get to do the work on yourself

· If you’re not going to pay someone to work on your own shit, why would anyone pay you to support them?

Erika: https://thequeenofconfidence.com/

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