67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Juni 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Avsnitt(126)

108: Skip This One (The Book of Hosea)

108: Skip This One (The Book of Hosea)

Look, Thephiloi, you don't actually have to skip this one (it's actually one of my personal favorites, tbqh) but I'm gonna warn you up front: we were in a PRETTY SILLY MOOD when we were recording this...

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107: Hellmensch (Stories of the Baal Shem Tov, vol. 2)

107: Hellmensch (Stories of the Baal Shem Tov, vol. 2)

You there, Theophiloi, what day is to-day? What? It's mid-November? Well, we keep the spirit of Halloween in our hearts year round on this podcast, so we're going ahead with our annual tradition of Ha...

13 Nov 20221h 12min

106: A Serious Goku Move (The Second Book of Kings)

106: A Serious Goku Move (The Second Book of Kings)

Welcome to Season 2 of Apocrypals, dear Theophiloi! You know, like how every podcast does 103 regular episodes and then takes an extremely planned break of several months before returning, refreshed a...

30 Okt 20221h 37min

105: Approximate Week V: RaVager

105: Approximate Week V: RaVager

No spoilers, Theophiloi. It's our birthday we're covering a text that listeners have been requesting for five years. Hymnal: "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, "The Winner Takes It All" by Stephen Mann o...

12 Aug 20221h 17min

104: Previously, On Bible (The Epistle to the Hebrews)

104: Previously, On Bible (The Epistle to the Hebrews)

And what more can I say, Theophiloi? By faith, we recorded a podcast about the Epistle to the Hebrews, which some dweeb thought was written by Mr. Paul even though it doesn't start with a lengthy intr...

1 Aug 20221h 4min

103: Sucky James (The History of Joseph the Carpenter)

103: Sucky James (The History of Joseph the Carpenter)

I suspect, dear Theophiloi, that there is no stepfather in all history more overshadowed than poor Joseph, the humble carpenter whose competition for his Son's affection was in fact the Almighty God. ...

3 Juli 20221h 2min

102: Napalm Toots (The Lives of St. Martha of Bethany and St. Margaret of Antioch)

102: Napalm Toots (The Lives of St. Martha of Bethany and St. Margaret of Antioch)

The Book of Job is famously one of history's biggest bummers, Theophiloi, so in this episode, we're going with something that always brings us joy: women fighting dragons. It's Martha of Bethany and M...

13 Juni 20221h 9min

101: The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy (The Book of Job)

101: The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy (The Book of Job)

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people, Theophiloi? Well, we've found the answer in the Book of Job, a literary classic and/or utter failure, and it's pretty simple: God's indiffe...

21 Apr 20221h 13min

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