110:  The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))
Apocrypals30 Okt 2023

110: The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))

Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine.

No, really. That's what the movie is about.

Topics of Discussion: Sex is Wacko (But Not Right Now For Teens), an empty field with fire and Danhausen, Benito: a lonely fan of corn, a bonus review of Journey to Hell (2022), Vegeta's cool shirt, approved uses of oils, puppet ministries, Nick's Mom/Atom Bomb, the purple box as metaphor, the Jared Leto of Christian Horror, the most adult magazines, The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy... Again!, a second "What the Frick?"

Hymnal: "Monster Smash" By Altégo

Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Avsnitt(126)

Bonus: Biblical Mini-Golf

Bonus: Biblical Mini-Golf

For the first time in ten years, Theophiloi -- and the first time ever during the lifespan of this very podcast -- Chris and Benito are in the same place, actually hanging out with each other! What be...

8 Maj 20251h 9min

117: King Solomon's Hog (The Second Book of Chronicles, feat. Aaron Higashi)

117: King Solomon's Hog (The Second Book of Chronicles, feat. Aaron Higashi)

Yes, Theophiloi, that quote at the top of the show is actually in Bible. Like, full canon Bible that you can find in the back of the pew or the hotel room drawer. I was surprised too, but you know who...

18 Feb 20251h 51min

116: It's His BIRTHDAY, Be Nice! (The Revelation of the Magi)

116: It's His BIRTHDAY, Be Nice! (The Revelation of the Magi)

O come, all ye Theophiloi, joyful and triumphant, to the final Apocrypals episode of 2024! We two kings of podcasting are reading a story about a talking star as we dive into the Revelation of the Mag...

22 Dec 20241h 46min

115: Hell Is The Big Show (The Life of St. Christina the Astonishing)

115: Hell Is The Big Show (The Life of St. Christina the Astonishing)

CONTENT WARNING: Our discussion of St. Christina includes mention of self-harm and mental illness. It's Halloween, TheoKILLoi, and that means it's time once again for our annual tradition of Haints a...

27 Okt 20241h 39min

114: Sin-onyms, The Devil's Argument (The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity)

114: Sin-onyms, The Devil's Argument (The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity)

If you learn nothing else from our show, Theophiloi, let it be this: Never send a cow to do a leopard's job. This, for the record, is not a metaphor, it's the lesson that we learn from the passion of ...

3 Okt 20241h 45min

113: Jaoel Instant Messenger (The Apocalypse of Abraham)

113: Jaoel Instant Messenger (The Apocalypse of Abraham)

Grab your turtledoves and get to stranglin', Theophiloi, because we're taking another trip to the Seventh Firmament, and this time we're bringing good ol' Father Abraham in the years before he had his...

5 Sep 20241h 50min

112: Approximate Week VI: The Undiscovered Country

112: Approximate Week VI: The Undiscovered Country

Leave cookies and milk for the werewolves and a thorn bush on your doorstep for St. Benedict, Theophiloi, because it's Approximate Week once again! We're celebrating the eight nights between our birth...

17 Aug 20242h 37min

111: All Skips No Hits (1 Chronicles)

111: All Skips No Hits (1 Chronicles)

Open your ears to hear, Theophiloi! Your humble Sons of Thunder are back in style with a return to the show and to Canon Bible, just in time to kick off your Approximate Week celebrations! As promised...

9 Aug 20241h 28min

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