110:  The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))
Apocrypals30 Okt 2023

110: The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))

Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine.

No, really. That's what the movie is about.

Topics of Discussion: Sex is Wacko (But Not Right Now For Teens), an empty field with fire and Danhausen, Benito: a lonely fan of corn, a bonus review of Journey to Hell (2022), Vegeta's cool shirt, approved uses of oils, puppet ministries, Nick's Mom/Atom Bomb, the purple box as metaphor, the Jared Leto of Christian Horror, the most adult magazines, The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy... Again!, a second "What the Frick?"

Hymnal: "Monster Smash" By Altégo

Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Avsnitt(126)

92:  Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (The Gospel of Philip, the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Jesus's Wife)

92: Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (The Gospel of Philip, the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Jesus's Wife)

I think you'll agree, Theophiloi, that while texts containing actual stories about things like 12' werewolf saints and angel jacuzzis are nice, the real action here on our goodtime comedy podcast is i...

11 Juli 20211h 35min

91:  The Me In This Story Is You (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 2)

91: The Me In This Story Is You (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 2)

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault with regards to the story of Amnon and Tamar, beginning right after the ad break and ending at 26:00. If I had to rank them, Theophi...

27 Juni 20211h 26min

90: Worfin' the Lions  (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 1)

90: Worfin' the Lions (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 1)

If you told me three years ago, Theophiloi, that the most famous king in Bible was not in the book called "Kings" but was instead in the part named after a dude who is neither present nor alive for th...

6 Juni 20211h 26min

89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)

89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)

You may be wondering, Theophiloi, how we could possibly talk for over 90 minutes about 1 Samuel, which contains one of the Bible stories that literally everyone knows. And yes, you almost certainly kn...

23 Maj 20211h 41min

88: A Miserable Pile of Secrets (The Da Vinci Code Commentary)

88: A Miserable Pile of Secrets (The Da Vinci Code Commentary)

We weren't kidding, Theophiloi. We actually did a full-length commentary track for The Da Vinci Code (2006, Dir. Ron Howard). Did you know this movie is almost two and a half hours long? Because we di...

9 Maj 20212h 40min

87: Crisis On 18,000 Earths (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 2)

87: Crisis On 18,000 Earths (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 2)

We're finishing up our third anniversary special this week, Theophiloi, and the sheer weirdness of Enoch's new career has gotten vast enough to fill a myriad of parasangs. You might've thought you wer...

18 Apr 20211h 36min

86: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)

86: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)

Do me a favor, Theophiloi. Take a moment and write down the number of eyes, wings, and faces, that you think angels have, bearing in mind that you listen to this show and we know you know that two, tw...

4 Apr 20211h 51min

85: Old Clootie (The Life of St. Dunstan)

85: Old Clootie (The Life of St. Dunstan)

As it is written in the Book of Ecclesiastes, Theophiloi: futility. Utter futility. That's what we get from trying to influence the farce that is Lent Madness to get our pick, St. Dunstan, all the way...

21 Mars 20211h 26min

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