110:  The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))
Apocrypals30 Okt 2023

110: The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))

Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine.

No, really. That's what the movie is about.

Topics of Discussion: Sex is Wacko (But Not Right Now For Teens), an empty field with fire and Danhausen, Benito: a lonely fan of corn, a bonus review of Journey to Hell (2022), Vegeta's cool shirt, approved uses of oils, puppet ministries, Nick's Mom/Atom Bomb, the purple box as metaphor, the Jared Leto of Christian Horror, the most adult magazines, The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy... Again!, a second "What the Frick?"

Hymnal: "Monster Smash" By Altégo

Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Avsnitt(126)

77: The Blessed Voltrons (The Lives of St. Catherine and St. Barbara)

77: The Blessed Voltrons (The Lives of St. Catherine and St. Barbara)

Advent continues apace, Theophiloi, and we're celebrating with two of the most famous and popular lady saints, St. Barbara and St. Catherine! Babs and Cathy are here to visit total ruination upon the ...

15 Nov 20201h 40min

76: Filling the Room (The Life of St. Martin)

76: Filling the Room (The Life of St. Martin)

If you thought the Song of Solomon was going to be a tough one for us to get through with our "Clean" tag intact, Theophiloi, brace yourselves for the Life of St. Martin. With a translation that almos...

1 Nov 20201h 47min

75: Lazer Babies (The Apocalypse of Peter)

75: Lazer Babies (The Apocalypse of Peter)

Happy Halloween, DRACULA-philoi, and pre-SCARE to have your sins counted as we descend once more into HELL! Specifically the Hell described in the Apocalypse of Simon "The Rock" Peter, in which everyo...

18 Okt 20201h 27min

74: Howl of the Ostrich (The Books of Micah and Nahum)

74: Howl of the Ostrich (The Books of Micah and Nahum)

If you've ever read Bible and thought "hey, this is great but I wish it had dudes just unleashing straight metaphorical fire on workers of iniquity," then allow your humble Sons of Thunder to introduc...

4 Okt 20201h 4min

73: Be Courageous! (The Book of Joshua)

73: Be Courageous! (The Book of Joshua)

Happy New Year, Theophiloi! That's right, it's Rosh Hashanah time, and we are 100% Done In 5781™. Also done? Joshua, whose journey to become the second Moses is going to take him down the path of mass...

20 Sep 20201h 39min

72: Cold Brew Paul (Paul's Letter to the Galatians)

72: Cold Brew Paul (Paul's Letter to the Galatians)

One half of your humble Sons of Thunder is joining you from real-for-real quarantine, dear Theophiloi, but that won't stop us from griping our way through our first canonical New Testament book of thi...

6 Sep 20201h 25min

71: Approximate Week Chapter 3: Parabellum (The War Scroll)

71: Approximate Week Chapter 3: Parabellum (The War Scroll)

If you seek birthdays, Theophiloi, prepare for war — the War Scroll, that is! As we celebrate the Approximate Week between our two personal nativities, we dive into the Dead Sea Scrolls for the first ...

23 Aug 20201h 29min

70: Two Firkin Bored (The Letter of Aristeas)

70: Two Firkin Bored (The Letter of Aristeas)

Having trouble sleeping, Theophiloi? Well here's an evangelion for you: this episode covers a letter written by the most boring person to ever cover a miracle. Get ready for intense table measurements...

9 Aug 20201h 34min

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