69: How to Make Friends as an Adult (Even When You're Busy)

When You've Tried Everything and There's Still No Work-Life Balance We juggle dozens of responsibilities every day — sometimes even more. And maybe you're feeling like you're dropping many of those balls lately.  I mean, how many truly great jugglers do you know? So, how do we manage our work, health, families, social lives, and even our hobbies (remember those?) when our plates are overfilled? Maybe you're wondering if it's even possible to find work-life balance and do all these things in a way that truly works.  You might think that being more efficient, making better lists, or simply putting in more effort will do the trick. We've tried different approaches, and nothing seems to work. It's exhausting and overwhelming. So, what actually DOES work? For many years (and for most of my life until recently), I focused on whatever need was the loudest. If there was no food in the house, I'd go grocery shopping. If one of my kids was yelling louder than the others, that child would get my attention. If I pulled a shoulder muscle, it demanded my focus. Essentially, whatever was the loudest or most painful took precedence. We know we can't go on for long like this. It's a recipe for burnout. If you find that your priorities keep slipping off your to-do list, you'll appreciate what you'll learn this week: How to identify what's truly important so you can make decisions based on your core values rather than constantly reacting to the demands of others. Learning to say "no" to things that don't align with your priorities, even if that feels uncomfortable or you fear judgement. Understanding why we tend to overestimate our capacity and end up overcommitting—and how to fix it. The crucial element most productivity books overlook and what you can do instead. A specific, practical process to help you prioritize your tasks for the week. Links: Todoist Stay connected with me on Facebook and LinkedIn Sign up for my weekly newsletter and be the first to know about new programs and classes at KimberlyKnull.com Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction: The Juggling Act 00:54 The Inefficiency of Urgency 03:11 Creating a Plan: Prioritizing What Matters 09:47 The Power of Saying No 22:26 Setting Boundaries and Work Hours 32:14 The Importance of Delegation 36:12 Next Steps & Creating Your Version of Balance

24 Mars 36min

Do you ever feel like you missed the memo on confidence? Maybe it felt like everyone around you had the confidence to compete, speak up, and take on new adventures, while you were left with a racing heart and sweaty palms.  You're not the only one.  In this episode of The Overwhelm Cure podcast, I'm diving deep into understanding how a lack of confidence can lead to overwhelm. We'll also explore how we can create true confidence — grounded confidence. Here's what I cover this week:  How overwhelm often stems from our perception of being unable to handle everything on our plates.   What to do when you feel driven to say yes, even when you really mean no.   Understanding the 'shoulds' and the unnecessary pressures we place on ourselves.   Five of my favorite mantras that have helped me develop grounded confidence.   Examples of situations where grounded confidence has made a difference in my life. If you need support with cultivating grounded confidence, explore how I can help at KimberlyKnull.com. Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Overwhelm 00:18 The Illusion of No Choice 01:06 Understanding Our Brain's Role 01:34 The Burden of 'Shoulds' 02:13 The Cost of Overworking 03:54 Grounded Confidence and Authenticity 04:40 Personal Story: Piano Competitions 07:03 The Journey to Self-Worth 08:35 Mantras for Self-Confidence 16:35 Embracing All Parts of Yourself 18:15 Courageous Leadership & the Dare to Lead Training

17 Mars 21min

Here's what Brené Brown has to say about shame: "I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don't believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous."  There will always be critics — but sometimes, our own critical voice can be the loudest.  Here's the thing. It's important to question the first thoughts your brain offers. Your brain's job is to keep you safe, but it's often not very helpful in moments where our shame response is triggered. Instead, it's more productive to work with our thoughts and get clear about any stories we're making up.  Experiences that spark shame can often reinforce imposter syndrome beliefs, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.  Imposter syndrome is when you think that you're not talented, smart, or educated enough to belong or be successful.  Perfectionism is the idea that if we work, look, and act flawlessly, we can avoid shame, blame, and criticism.  People pleasing is how we attempt to keep ourselves safe by acting in ways that we think will make others approve of us.  All of these ideas lead to feeling overwhelmed because we're trying to solve the wrong problem with unhelpful solutions. We'll never get the outcome we want this way.  Today, on The Overwhelm Cure Podcast, I'm exploring the connections between shame and overwhelm. Here's what you'll hear about in this episode: Shame's role in causing overwhelming feelings and how it can lead to unproductive behaviors like overworking and people-pleasing A personal story where I experienced shame during a community planning meeting How concepts such as imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and people-pleasing can all lead to overwhelm The importance of pinpointing the real issues rather than the ones our negatively biased brain wants to perceive A practical tool to use in the moment when shame comes up to help move you through your emotions to help you get to self-compassion. If you're struggling with shame and overwhelm, get in touch at KimberlyKnull.com.  You're also invited to join me at the next Dare to Lead Training happening on March 20. The early bird enrollment rate is still available.  Timestamps:  00:00 Introduction to Shame and Overwhelm 01:01 A Personal Story of Shame 05:11 Understanding Imposter Syndrome, Perfectionism, and People Pleasing 07:34 Dealing with Shame and Rewriting Your Story 19:08 The Role of Shame in Our Lives 31:45 The Impact of Toxic Workplaces 34:29 Dare to Lead Training Invitation

10 Mars 34min

I've had more moments of stress and overwhelm than I know how to count. As a kid, I remember things like piano recitals that were highly nerve-wracking. Later, as an adult, working as a teacher was often overwhelming. Of course, parenting also had its moments at times.  When I was in those moments of being overwhelmed, it seemed like nothing could help. After trying many things and looking at the research on stress, it became crystal clear that ONE thing can be immensely helpful in the face of chaos — and that's gratitude. The research shows that creating simple gratitude practices can help shift our focus from being overwhelmed to being thankful and joyful, ultimately improving our mental well-being and vitality. We're wired to notice overwhelm since our brains have a negativity bias. Our brain's primary goal is to keep us alive by looking for anything that could potentially cause us to get hurt.  Our brains have kept us alive for thousands of years but it's not always practical in our modern world.  When we're immersed in negative states, it's all we see, and we overlook evidence that goes against the contrary. When we balance our natural tendencies with intentional practices of gratitude, then our worldview becomes more balanced, which is vital for our mental health.   The concept of gratitude is simple but not easy. In this episode of the Overwhelm Cure podcast, I dive deep into the transformative power of gratitude, especially when we're faced with chaos, stress, and overwhelm.  Here's what you'll discover:  How our brain's negativity bias can make us overlook the positives. The science behind gratitude and why it's essential for our well-being. A simple way to reframe stressful moments to find calm. Several practical tips to help you cultivate your own gratitude practice for less stress and better relationships. Dare to Lead Training is now enrolling and early bird pricing is open for another week. We start on March 20th, so register today — https://www.kimberlyknull.com/dare-to-lead Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Overwhelm Care Podcast 00:25 Understanding Negativity Bias 02:16 The Power of Gratitude 04:28 Personal Overwhelm Story 13:44 Practical Gratitude Practices 19:03 The Science Behind Gratitude 22:05 Conclusion and Challenge 23:31 Toxic Workplaces & The Great Resignation 25:19 Invitation to Dare to Lead Training

3 Mars 26min

Overwhelmed? Try mastering your boundaries. Boundaries are a hot topic that every psychologist talks to their clients about.  I see it a lot in my practice. Many of my one-on-one clients tell me that they think they should have strong boundaries.  But they're quite hard on themselves when they detect where they've let boundaries slide.  The thing is, it's not their fault if they're not good at boundaries (the same goes for you, too 😉).  Why are boundaries so hard? Boundaries can be challenging because we were raised and educated in a system that expects compliance.  We were generally not allowed to voice our opinions to parents or teachers and were punished if we did.  Of course, there's a time and place for parents and teachers to have expectations and for kids to accept influence.  In past generations, however, that was the ONLY option, and children were seen as disrespectful if they disagreed. We now know that high expectations, holding children accountable, and consideration of their thoughts and feelings have the best outcomes.  Unfortunately, many of us were left with the lasting impact of being silenced.  We learned that other people's comfort was more important than our own and that there were consequences to making other people upset.  Now, we know that our well-being is just as important as other people's and that we're not responsible for other people's feelings.  The good news is that you already have boundaries in some areas. Now, we need to apply these boundaries to ALL areas of our lives. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself if it's because of a lack of boundaries.  This is a REALLY important topic, and we need to keep talking about boundaries. You'll hear some of the reasons why in this week's episode of The Overwhelm Cure. You'll also hear:  Practical steps, including what to say to help set and stick to boundaries in various settings, such as with kids, at work, and with friends and family  The common misconceptions many people have around boundaries Brené Brown's research on the correlation between boundaries and generosity Why identifying our feelings and taking action when boundaries are crossed is essential to upholding boundaries without guilt or conflict The trick to holding strong boundaries without guilt (the answer might surprise you). Sending you strength as you explore your boundaries this week. If you need support in this area, you're not alone. Get in touch at KimberlyKnull.com. Timestamps:  00:00 Introduction to Setting Boundaries 00:51 The Importance of Boundaries 01:26 Common Misconceptions About Boundaries 03:04 The Impact of Upbringing on Boundaries 13:09 Practical Steps to Setting Boundaries 17:19 Handling Reactions to Boundaries 25:38 The Link Between Compassion, Empathy, and Boundaries 27:49 Managing Our Thoughts and Emotions Concerning Boundaries 30:36 Setting Boundaries without Guilt 36:15 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

24 Feb 36min

Vulnerability is the Way to Authentic Connection What comes to mind when you think of vulnerability? Vulnerability is right up there with "shame" as a word that people don't like and want to avoid. But here's the thing … Vulnerability is the key to unlocking the courage we need to do all the great things we want to do in life! 🫣 I feel tremendous vulnerability when I ask people for feedback. Maybe you do, too. Our biggest fear is often that others won't like us for who we are, and asking for feedback opens the doors to criticism on purpose. When we practice sharing and receiving feedback in my Dare to Lead training workshops (which is now enrolling!), I often have to walk through the process of giving feedback first because we're just as afraid to tell someone what they could improve on as we receive that information. According to Brené Brown, vulnerability is feeling uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. When we're afraid to be vulnerable, we're then also afraid to be brave. Being vulnerable isn't a weakness. Instead, it's the required road to deeper connections and personal growth. If you struggle with embracing vulnerability, this week's episode is for you. Here's what you'll learn in this week's episode: Some of my own stories — speaking to you every week often feels vulnerable. The real impact of vulnerability and its significance in all your relationships. How to navigate the fear of emotional exposure when asking for feedback or voicing your feelings. How having hard conversations supports your mental wellness and boosts trust in relationships. Practical strategies to help you identify what you're feeling and set boundaries in a loving way. How we can use vulnerability to do scary things with bravery. Self-compassion also comes in handy when we're learning to embrace vulnerability. You'll hear all about this too 🙂 Connect with me Get in touch on Facebook or LinkedIn and let me know how you're being vulnerable this week. Join me in an upcoming Dare To Lead Workshop or in the inaugural round of The Overwhelm Cure Program. Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Embracing Vulnerability 01:14 The Fear and Misconceptions of Vulnerability 02:39 The Pressure of Perfectionism 04:45 Reframing Vulnerability as Strength 05:45 Building Authentic Connections 09:00 The Role of Vulnerability in Leadership 12:45 Steps to Embrace Vulnerability 19:12 The Benefits of Embracing Vulnerability 21:44 Personal Journey and Encouragement 24:22 Conclusion and Call to Action

17 Feb 29min

Let's have an important conversation about a myth that's been running us ragged for decades — the idea that we, as women, can "have it all." I believe that women can live the life they've always dreamed of, but it means making really discerning choices about how we spend our limited resources of time and energy. I know what it's like. There was a time when I thought I needed to be Martha Stewart (pre-jail) in the home, mom of the year, the glue that keeps the family together, a boss in the boardroom, and the best friend, all while looking amazing and keeping a smile on my face. Spoiler alert: it didn't work out well for me. In fact, it doesn't seem to be working out very well for any of us. I talk to women every day who are working more hours than they were hired for and not finding satisfaction with their families, marriages, or themselves. It's time to call out the unrealistic expectations and redefine success in a way that actually serves us. In this week's episode, we explore the myth of 'having it all,' exposing society's unrealistic expectations, especially for women. Here's what you'll hear in this week's episode. This is an important one, ladies! How historical viewpoints on women's roles have evolved over time Looking closely at the challenges of balancing family, career, and societal expectations How to dismantle unrealistic standards and prioritize personal values over external validation The reframe to help you set better boundaries How to watch out for the sneaky comparison trap Learn more and sign up for the first Overwhelm Cure Program. Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction: The Myth of Having It All 00:30 Personal Experience: The Overwhelming Juggle 03:20 Societal Expectations and Gender Roles 06:06 The Shift Towards Equality 09:25 Unrealistic Expectations and Social Media 13:49 Redefining Success and Personal Alignment 22:01 Setting Boundaries and Self-Care 35:14 Practical Shifts and Redefining Productivity 37:19 Conclusion: You Are Enough

10 Feb 38min

Let's talk about something that so many of us know too well — burnout. If you've ever felt like you're running on fumes, questioning your purpose, or just too exhausted to care, this week's podcast episode will answer all those questions. It's probably no surprise that I've experienced burnout. In just a few years, I went from running a household with two babies to managing a household and building a school playground. Then, soon after, my mom passed away. I was juggling a household and running a successful business. I even received a Top 40 Under 40 award for it all — but recognition didn't slow the burnout train. It took me 5 years to even look for support for burnout, and while it helped, it wasn't enough. Four years later, after caring for my grandmother until her passing, I hit a breaking point. Eventually, I had no choice but to leave my job. 🚨 This is important —> Burnout isn't just being tired — it's a full-body, full-heart experience that changes the way we see ourselves and the world. Here's the kicker — burnout isn't about overworking. It's about working in a way that drains us. It doesn't happen overnight — it's a slow erosion. And it starts when we stay in a state of chronic stress for too long. If you're seeing any of these things going on in your life, you don't want to miss this week's episode. You'll hear about: The critical difference between burnout and mere fatigue The science and psychology of burnout, explore its causes, solutions, and how we can prevent and recover from it My personal experiences with burnout, including how chronic stress affected my life and led to significant challenges The three stages of burnout Practical strategies that helped me come out the other side of burnout I hope this episode gives you helpful insights on managing and preventing burnout effectively so you can live a more balanced and joy-filled life. Learn more, and beat overwhelm and burnout for good when you sign up for The Overwhelm Cure Workshop happening in March. Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Burnout 00:36 Personal Burnout Story 01:45 Understanding Burnout 02:32 Burnout in Youth 04:39 Recognizing Burnout Patterns 21:42 Stages of Burnout 27:47 Recovering from Burnout 33:33 Strategies to Combat Burnout 39:54 Final Thoughts and Workshop Invitation

3 Feb 41min