Interpersonal Effectiveness for BPD, Pt. 2: How to Ask For What You Need

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the fourth and final module - known as Interpersonal Effectiveness - teaches you skills to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and maintain relationships while achieving your personal goals.

This week, TheraHive’s Interpersonal Effectiveness course is gonna teach me about the DEARMAN skill, which is one of my personal favourite skills. I’m REALLY excited to share my experiences with this part of the course.

DEARMAN is an acronym that stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate.

This one you typically use when you have an objective that you need to be effective with: asking for something; saying no; finding solutions; and making sure the way we’re expressing these things are taken seriously and are constructive, rather than destructive.

In this episode, I’ll go over my reflections on Week 2 of the course, including:

• How to be assertive and ask for what you need - with the DEARMAN skill
• What does it mean to be assertive, vs demanding?
• Why is DEARMAN especially helpful for recovering people pleasers?
• What if the other person is being difficult, despite us being effective?
• THE FIRST TIME I ever used DEARMAN - with a very difficult roommate and her boyfriend

Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for collaborating with me and allowing me to try out this course!

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TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT

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The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

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