Interpersonal Effectiveness for BPD, Pt. 3: Recovering From Invalidation

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the fourth and final module - known as Interpersonal Effectiveness - teaches you skills to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and maintain relationships while achieving your personal goals.

A lot of times, it’s not what you say that can be effective, it’s HOW you say it. The GIVE skill stands for: Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy Manner.

The GIVE skill in DBT is all about the Relationship Effectiveness objective when it comes to interpersonal situations, and it’s meant to help you leave that situation with the other person thinking well of you.

Do you wanna be RIGHT, or do you wanna be EFFECTIVE?

In this episode, I’ll go over my reflections on Week 3 of the course, including:

• Why do we sometimes make threats or make our behaviour someone else's responsibility?
• How do we stop using these kinds of coping mechanisms in order to make ourselves heard?
• How can I be gentle, without being passive?
• What happens when we effectively use the GIVE skill in tougher interactions?
• What does it mean to validate someone? Should we validate things even if they're invalid?
• Is there such a thing as HELPFUL invalidation?
• How do we recover from corrosive, or harmful invalidation?
• A letter to my 15 year old self, validating them after a big moment of invalidation

Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for collaborating with me and allowing me to try out this course!

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TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT

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The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

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