What to Do When Fights Go From Bad to Worse?

What to Do When Fights Go From Bad to Worse?

What does it mean when we become 'flooded' during a stressful conversation with our spouse? Last week Robert and Sharla unpacked our emotional 'triggers,' which could lead to 'flooding' – the theme of this week's scientifically strategic episode.

It turns out that taking a break during an argument with a loved one can be healthy. It doesn't always make sense to push through a tough conversation just to prove we are invested in our marriage.

When we are triggered into a 'fight or flight' response, it can cause us to disconnect emotionally, leading to behaviors that cause hurt and pain. We see our spouse as the 'threat.' This can cause ‘emotional dysregulation,’ which is our inability to use healthy strategies to diffuse our own negative emotions.

There's an entire physiological programming that we are up against that, when understood properly, can be used to our advantage as we 'fight' for the survival of our relationship rather than take 'flight' for the sake of ourselves.

From understanding our sympathetic nervous system as the accelerator in our body and the parasympathetic branch of our autonomic nervous system as the brakes, we can use tools like breathing and even oximeters for measuring our bpm to calm ourselves down. When tempers flare, self-soothing is the start of showing you still care.

Robert and Sharla expertly unpack how we can better understand and regulate our nervous system and ‘pump the brakes’ so we don't become 'flooded' when faced with an emotional crisis.


Learning how to harness the tools of simple science may just be the wake-up call you need to prevent 'flooding' leading to 'isolation' and then ultimately 'divorce.' Thankfully, proactive prevention is just one podcast episode away.



"When we become triggered, we become activated into a heightened physiological and emotional state." ~ Robert Snow


"When we get activated into fight or flight while we're simply talking to our spouse (about maybe a simple disagreement or a difficult subject), that's gonna be problematic, right? Because now our spouse is that perceived threat." ~ Sharla Snow



In This Episode:

- How our innate physiological programming is intended for 'life or death' situations

- Understanding 'flooding' and the physical reactions we experience when triggered

- What is the 'distance isolation cascade'?

- A deep dive into understanding our autonomic nervous system

- Understanding 'auditory exclusion' and how our hearing can become impaired in stressful situations

- That moment when conflict escalates (and our heart rate goes above 100 bpm)

- What can you 'not do' when you're flooded?

- How do we get our heart rate back to baseline after an argument?

- How can we get out of the stressful situation we find ourselves in with our partners?

- What are the Three Steps you should take when you're triggered and then flooded?

- How can a pulse oximeter help you manage your bpm levels?

- What should you NOT do when you're taking a break?

- Homework! Coming up with a strategy (with your spouse) on how to take a break


And so much more!



Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program -

Avsnitt(136)

Communication Part 2: Three Goals for Better Communication in Your Marriage

Communication Part 2: Three Goals for Better Communication in Your Marriage

In this episode, we continue our series on communication by exploring the importance of expressing needs without judgment, criticism, or blame. We discuss how to foster genuine connection and understanding in relationships, and share actionable tools to improve communication with your partner.Key Takeaways:Avoid language that triggers resistance, such as judgment, criticism, or blame. Present requests as honored requests rather than demands. Understand the impact of punishment or retaliation on communication. Reflect on your intentions before starting a conversation to ensure they align with connection and understanding.Takeaways:Expressing Needs Without Judgment;Framing Requests Positively;Reflecting on Communication Intentions;Barriers to Effective Communication;Building Empathetic Connections.Listener Challenge: Reflect on a recent conversation that didn't go well. Consider your real intention and how you could have approached it differently to foster empathy and connection.Next Episode Preview: Join us next week as we delve into the concept of judgments, why we hold onto them, and how to make observations instead.Connect with Us:Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.

28 Aug 30min

Communication Part 1: What Happens When You Don’t Speak Up in a Relationship

Communication Part 1: What Happens When You Don’t Speak Up in a Relationship

This conversation delves into the critical importance of communication in relationships, particularly focusing on the consequences of not speaking up. Robert and Sharla explore how silence can lead to resentment, hinder intimacy, and stunt emotional growth. They discuss the roots of these communication gaps, including childhood influences and societal expectations, and provide practical tips for overcoming fear and building self-worth. The episode emphasizes the need for effective communication strategies to foster healthier relationships and encourages listeners to take actionable steps towards speaking up.TakeawaysNot speaking up can lead to misunderstandings and resentment.Intimacy requires both partners to share their thoughts and feelings.Resentment often stems from unexpressed needs and expectations.Silence in relationships can create a pattern of emotional distance.Speaking up is essential for personal and relational growth.Childhood experiences can shape communication styles in adulthood.Fear of conflict can prevent individuals from expressing themselves.Self-worth plays a crucial role in one's ability to speak up.Starting with small conversations can build confidence in communication.Effective communication strategies can help navigate difficult conversations.Connect with Us:Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.

14 Aug 36min

Parenting Conflict Part 3: How to Unite as Parents and a Couple to Reduce Conflict

Parenting Conflict Part 3: How to Unite as Parents and a Couple to Reduce Conflict

In this episode, we delve into the challenges of parenting and its impact on relationships. We explore insights from Dr. John Gottman and discuss how major life transitions, like becoming parents, can reshape core values and priorities. Discover practical steps to align your values, resolve conflicts, and deepen your relationship.Key Topics:The impact of parenting on relationship satisfaction: Understanding and aligning core values. Practical exercises for couples to navigate parenting challenges, Success stories, and research-backed strategiesConnect with Us:Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.

9 Aug 40min

Breaking Generational Patterns in Relationships, with Leanna Hunt

Breaking Generational Patterns in Relationships, with Leanna Hunt

In this episode, we dive deep into the concept of generational patterns and how they affect relationships. Our guest, Leanna Hunt, a somatic therapist and certified performance coach, shares insights on nervous system regulation and generational trauma healing. We explore how trauma can be passed down through generations and discuss practical steps couples can take to break these cycles.Key Topics:Introduction to generational patterns and their impact on relationships. The science behind trauma inheritance, including the cherry blossom study on mice. The role of the nervous system in perceiving safety and threat. Practical steps for couples to recognize and address inherited patterns. The four-step framework: Notice, Name, Nurture, and Navigate. Real-life examples of healing generational patterns.Links Mentioned:Follow Liana Hunt on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aligningwithleannaAligning with Liana Book: "It Didn't Start with You" by Mark Wolynn: https://www.amazon.com/Didnt-Start-You-Inherited-Family/dp/1101980389Connect with Us:Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Hashtags: #MasterYourMarriage #GenerationalHealing #RelationshipAdviceRemember, it's the small things done often that have the greatest impact. Be kind to each other and put each other first.

31 Juli 52min

Parenting Conflict Part 2: How to Fix Parenting Mismatches to Save Your Marriage (And Help Your Kids)

Parenting Conflict Part 2: How to Fix Parenting Mismatches to Save Your Marriage (And Help Your Kids)

In this episode, we discuss the impact of parenting differences on marriages and introduce two conflict blueprints for couples. The importance of gentle communication, understanding core values, and the need for compromise in resolving disagreements. The conversation includes practical examples and research-backed strategies to enhance communication and foster stronger, more meaningful relationships.TakeawaysDifferences in parenting can cause stress in marriages.Getting on the same page as parents leads to better outcomes for children.Two conflict blueprints are introduced: gentle start and gridlocked issues.The need to be right can be destructive in relationships.Compromise fosters creativity and better solutions.Influence in a relationship requires being open to influence.Starting conversations gently predicts their success.The feedback wheel is a useful tool for giving and receiving feedback.Understanding core values is crucial for resolving gridlocked issues.Temporary solutions can be revisited and adjusted over time.Connect with Us:Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

17 Juli 44min

Parenting Conflict Part 1: Is a Mismatch in Parenting Killing Your Marriage (And Harming Your Kids Emotional Development)?

Parenting Conflict Part 1: Is a Mismatch in Parenting Killing Your Marriage (And Harming Your Kids Emotional Development)?

In this episode, we delve into the universal challenges of parenting conflicts, exploring how core values and meta-emotion mismatches can escalate disagreements. We discuss research findings from Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Nancy Eisenberg, offering insights into managing these conflicts and aligning parenting styles for the well-being of children.Key Points:Top three conflicts among couples with young children: chores, money, and parenting. The Impact of Divorce on Parenting Disagreements and Ongoing Conflicts. Understanding meta-emotion mismatches and their role in predicting divorce. Dr. Eisenberg's research on emotional socialization and parenting styles. The importance of aligning parenting styles to foster emotional intelligence in children.Join us next week for part two, where we'll dive into practical solutions using Gottman's Dreams Within Conflict method to align your parenting approach. Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

10 Juli 23min

Fighting Well in Marriage: A Litmus Test for Emotional Maturity

Fighting Well in Marriage: A Litmus Test for Emotional Maturity

In this episode, we explore the concept of emotional maturity and its critical role in maintaining healthy relationships. We discuss how maturity isn't tied to age but is reflected in behavior, especially during disagreements. We share the importance of handling conflicts with empathy and understanding, drawing insights from Dr. John Gottman's research on relationship predictability.Key Points:Emotional maturity is about recognizing and managing emotions productively. Dr. John Gottman's research highlights the importance of how couples handle disagreements. The impact of social media and technology on emotional maturity. Practical strategies to build emotional maturity and manage conflicts.Takeaways:Emotional maturity involves self-control, empathy, and prioritizing the relationship over ego. Conflicting opinions are normal and can be healthy if managed maturely. Building emotional maturity requires practice and intentional effort.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

3 Juli 33min

Triangulation: A Toxic Relationship and Family Pattern

Triangulation: A Toxic Relationship and Family Pattern

This episode delves into the toxic pattern of triangulation in relationships, particularly within family dynamics. The hosts discuss how triangulation manifests, its impact on emotional health, and the importance of direct communication. They provide strategies for recognizing and breaking free from this pattern, emphasizing the need for awareness, setting boundaries, and doing personal work to foster healthier relationships.TakeawaysTriangulation involves pulling a third person into a conflict instead of addressing it directly.This pattern can create significant emotional distress and dysfunction in relationships.Children often become unwitting participants in triangulation, which can harm their emotional development.Enmeshment and triangulation are closely related, often leading to blurred personal boundaries.Recognizing triangulation is crucial for breaking the cycle and fostering healthier communication.Setting clear boundaries is essential to avoid being drawn into triangulation.Direct communication is a key strategy for resolving conflicts without triangulation.Personal growth and self-awareness are necessary to break free from unhealthy patterns.Triangulation can perpetuate generational dysfunction within families.Healthy relationships thrive on clear, direct communication and emotional honesty.Connect with UsEmail: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Reach out for coaching, share wins, or pitch episode ideas.Instagram: @masteryourmarriage – Daily tips, behind-the-scenes reels, and a healthy dose of Snow-family humor.Reviews Matter! If this episode sparked an aha moment, drop a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and send it to a friend who could use a vision upgrade.Feedback Corner: Thought of a topic we haven’t covered? Hit reply—your ideas shape future shows.

26 Juni 34min

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