What to Do When Fights Go From Bad to Worse?

What does it mean when we become 'flooded' during a stressful conversation with our spouse? Last week Robert and Sharla unpacked our emotional 'triggers,' which could lead to 'flooding' – the theme of this week's scientifically strategic episode.

It turns out that taking a break during an argument with a loved one can be healthy. It doesn't always make sense to push through a tough conversation just to prove we are invested in our marriage.

When we are triggered into a 'fight or flight' response, it can cause us to disconnect emotionally, leading to behaviors that cause hurt and pain. We see our spouse as the 'threat.' This can cause ‘emotional dysregulation,’ which is our inability to use healthy strategies to diffuse our own negative emotions.

There's an entire physiological programming that we are up against that, when understood properly, can be used to our advantage as we 'fight' for the survival of our relationship rather than take 'flight' for the sake of ourselves.

From understanding our sympathetic nervous system as the accelerator in our body and the parasympathetic branch of our autonomic nervous system as the brakes, we can use tools like breathing and even oximeters for measuring our bpm to calm ourselves down. When tempers flare, self-soothing is the start of showing you still care.

Robert and Sharla expertly unpack how we can better understand and regulate our nervous system and ‘pump the brakes’ so we don't become 'flooded' when faced with an emotional crisis.

Learning how to harness the tools of simple science may just be the wake-up call you need to prevent 'flooding' leading to 'isolation' and then ultimately 'divorce.' Thankfully, proactive prevention is just one podcast episode away.

"When we become triggered, we become activated into a heightened physiological and emotional state." ~ Robert Snow

"When we get activated into fight or flight while we're simply talking to our spouse (about maybe a simple disagreement or a difficult subject), that's gonna be problematic, right? Because now our spouse is that perceived threat." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- How our innate physiological programming is intended for 'life or death' situations

- Understanding 'flooding' and the physical reactions we experience when triggered

- What is the 'distance isolation cascade'?

- A deep dive into understanding our autonomic nervous system

- Understanding 'auditory exclusion' and how our hearing can become impaired in stressful situations

- That moment when conflict escalates (and our heart rate goes above 100 bpm)

- What can you 'not do' when you're flooded?

- How do we get our heart rate back to baseline after an argument?

- How can we get out of the stressful situation we find ourselves in with our partners?

- What are the Three Steps you should take when you're triggered and then flooded?

- How can a pulse oximeter help you manage your bpm levels?

- What should you NOT do when you're taking a break?

- Homework! Coming up with a strategy (with your spouse) on how to take a break

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage