Playing With Fire28 Sep 2024

171 Why Self-Agreements Will Make or Break Your Relationships

If you have a hard time keeping relationship agreements, you probably also have a hard time keeping the agreements you make with yourself. If that’s you, or if you’ve never even tried to make self-agreements, you have to listen to this episode.

This process shouldn’t feel like a punishment—I want you to make agreements with yourself that you actually want to uphold. And that’s not always a straightforward process. If you’re struggling, you’re so not alone. This isn’t entry-level work—it requires real skill-building, and we’re breaking down that learning process so you can start fostering integrity and consent with yourself.

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why some people struggle to stick to the agreements they've made

— How past relationship experiences and attachment styles influence our approaches to agreements

— The role of unconscious factors in undermining our commitments

— Why self-agreement keeping is the first step to keeping agreements with other people

— The benefits that come with not naturally being good at upholding agreements

— Balancing flexibility with reliability in relationships

— How to create effective response plans for when agreements aren't met

— The importance of written agreements and reminders

— Why punitive consequences often backfire, and how to use educative repercussions instead

— Practical tools for improving agreement-making and follow-through

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies Quiz

— PWF Episode 149 Relationship Agreements 101

— PWF Episode 150 Asymmetric Agreements

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

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