Healing Attachment Wounds with Elizabeth Ferreira

Healing Attachment Wounds with Elizabeth Ferreira

Attachment wounds are emotional injuries that develop based on painful experiences with those we care about. These experiences create a kind of blueprint we carry around for how relationships work, and when that internal model is based on fear and pain, it's hard for our relationships to thrive. Somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins the show to help us understand how we can heal old wounds and develop more secure forms of relating. Elizabeth and Forrest explore how early experiences shape our relationships, with a particular focus on a common paradox: deeply wanting connection while simultaneously fearing intimacy. They discuss fearful attachment, how Elizabeth approaches working with attachment wounds in clinical practice, complex PTSD, self-abandonment, facing our dreaded experience, setting healthy boundaries, and navigating relationships where fearful attachment patterns are present. About our Guest: Elizabeth Ferreira is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist working in California. She specializes in somatic approaches to trauma work. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:05: Elizabeth’s personal experience of fearful attachment 7:40: Working with a therapist to heal attachment 11:55: Elizabeth’s experience learning to create boundaries 21:35: Internal Family Systems, and how to dialog with our parts 27:15: Working with our protective part, and self-criticism 31:00: Dialoguing with our inner child without a therapist 38:15: Healthy anger, grief, and patience 42:25: What helped Elizabeth be vulnerable in relating to Forrest 53:10: Disorganized moments, identifying needs, and taking in the good 1:00:20: Intent, impact, and reasonable limits 1:05:20: Becoming your own secure attachment figure, and healing in community 1:09:10: Recap I am now writing on Subståack, check out my work there. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 16: Using Your Fierceness

Ep. 16: Using Your Fierceness

Dr. Hanson and Forrest talk about a particularly challenging aspect of the strength of determination: fierceness. They explore how the ‘feral’ parts of our mind can be a powerful resource, and how we can use that inner strength rather than be used by it. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:40: What does “fierceness” mean? 3:20: How fierceness fuels determination. 5:20: Is how we think about fierceness defined by our individual experience? 6:20: Different ways to think about the ‘feral’ experience. 8:45: The difficulty in articulating this material. 9:15: Using all the material in the psyche as a potential resource. 12:00: Pitfalls relating to fierceness. 16:20: The burden of proof when being fierce. 18:00: The two pitfalls related to fierceness. 19:30: Increasing our comfort with fierceness. 24:50: Strengthening our own cores. 27:25: Taming the beast by allowing it to run. 28:55: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

23 Apr 201831min

Ep. 15: How to Become More Determined

Ep. 15: How to Become More Determined

On today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest continue their focus on the strength of Grit with determination. Particularly, they look at the different aspects of determination, and explore how we can grow each of them over time. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:35: How “determination” relates to grit. 2:00: Being determined to a fault. 2:50: What determination is made up of. 3:55: Being resolved toward a goal. 8:00: Balancing patience with agency. 9:30: Realistic expectations enabling patience. 11:45: How much patience is too much? 12:30: The marshmallow test. 15:00: Distress tolerance. 16:25: How can you help yourself enjoy persistence? 21:30: What do we mean by “fierceness?” 23:15: Issues with fierceness. 24:15: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Apr 201825min

Ep. 14: The Power of Agency

Ep. 14: The Power of Agency

On today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Hanson begins a new focus on the fourth of the twelve strengths he’ll be covering throughout this series: Grit. Particularly, this episode explores how to grow agency – an aspect of grit where we feel like a cause rather than an effect. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: What is grit? 0:50: How does physical grit support psychological grit? 4:45: Can we grow grit? 5:45: Why agency is important for growing grit. 6:45: How agency fights against “learned helplessness.” 9:30: How can we “unlearn” learned helplessness? 16:10: What can we do when we ACTUALLY are helpless? 18:00: Being realistic about the amount of power we have over our lives. 19:30: Finding small ways to express agency. 21:00: Focusing on causes rather than effects. 24:55: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Apr 201826min

Ep. 13: Remove the Bad with the Good

Ep. 13: Remove the Bad with the Good

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest discuss "linking" - how we can use new, positive experiences to soften and eventually replace old, negative ones. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:20: What is linking? 2:20: An example of linking. 3:50: How does linking work in the brain? 5:50: How removing old, painful experiences works in the brain. 8:30: How we can remove old pains. 10:10: Quick recap 11:05: The two opportunities to remove negative material. 13:20: The two problematic ways people deal with upsets. 14:05: The better way to approach upsetting situations. 15:20: Matching the right positive experiences to the negative experience. 16:00: The pitfalls of linking. 17:55: Why negative material isn’t “bad.” 18:30: The third option found in linking. 19:45: The difference between wounds and deficits. 20:30: The three levels of engaging negative material. 23:30: Pulling the tip of the root. 24:00: How to talk to your young experiences. 27:10: The three conditions for linking. 29:25: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Apr 201832min

Ep. 12: Finding What You Really Need

Ep. 12: Finding What You Really Need

On today’s episode of the Being Well podcast, Dr. Hanson and Forrest talk about how we can find and use “key resource experiences” – experiences that we can match to our unique vulnerabilities in order to grow the strengths we need the most. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Timestamps: 0:45: What is a key resource experience? 1:45: What would be useful in dealing with your issues? 2:30: How to identify your key resources. 4:00: What were the times when you were at your best? 5:15: Identifying the vulnerabilities we match key resources to. 7:40: How do our vulnerabilities relate to our needs? 10:50: Matching key resources to specific needs. 11:15: Resources for anxiety, anger, and helplessness. 13:45: Feeling alright, right now. 15:35: Resources for satisfaction. 18:45: The importance of resourcefulness. 19:30: Resources for connection. 21:05: Means vs. Ends 27:25: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

27 Mars 201829min

Ep. 11: Make Your Learning Last

Ep. 11: Make Your Learning Last

How can we help the brain "absorb" the things we want it to hold on to? Dr. Rick Hanson explores the “installation” stage of learning in detail, including how we can internalize the various positive aspects of any experience to grow the strengths we need the most. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:50: What attracted you to “learning”? 3:15: The “dirty secret” of the personal growth professions. 5:05: The five ways we can enrich our experience. 8:10: Multimodality: how to learn through the different aspects of experience. 9:00: Why writing affirmations rarely works. 9:55: Bridging the gap between thought and experience. 13:30: Our many opportunities for learning. 14:30: How to make our experiences feel novel. 16:40: How to make our experiences feel relevant. 18:20: How to absorb experiences. 19:50: Letting experiences into our body. 24:10: Changing our relationship to experiences 25:30: The power of “retroactive rehearsal.” 28:00: The foundation of learning. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

19 Mars 201831min

Ep. 10: H.E.A.L. Yourself

Ep. 10: H.E.A.L. Yourself

HOW can we grow the positive traits we want more of inside ourselves? On this episode Dr. Hanson explains the HEAL process that allows us to learn from our experiences more effectively. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:40: Why is learning an inner strength? 2:40: The superpower of superpowers 5:35: What does emotional learning FEEL like? 7:50: An example of learning that sticks 10:05: What’s happening in the brain when we’re learning? 13:05: Using the mind to change the brain. 14:55: The opportunity in every day. 16:55: The stages of the learning process. 19:05: The importance of installation. 20:10: The H.E.A.L. process of learning 23:05: The feeling of enriching and absorbing 23:45: Linking 25:30: Summary Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

12 Mars 201826min

Ep. 9: Respond, Don't React

Ep. 9: Respond, Don't React

Learn how to respond to challenges from the “green zone” of the brain rather than reacting instinctively from the “red zone.” Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore the biology behind these two systems, the role of mindfulness in moving from one to the other, and how to combat the brain’s evolved negativity bias. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:45: The difference between “responding” and “reacting” 3:05: Responding vs. reacting in practice 6:45: The biology behind responding and reacting 9:10: The negative cycle of reacting 10:20: If reacting is stressful, why do we have that system? 12:40: Mindfulness and our reactions 13:25: What makes people respond rather than react? 16:20: The “quantity” vs. “quality” effect of green and red zone experiences 20:40: The cumulative effect of negative experiences 21:45: How to limit the impact of negative experiences 23:05: The positive spiral of taking in good experiences Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Mars 201827min

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