I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.
Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like. Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.” Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
4 Juni 202447min
Why You’re Not Having Sex
The dating app Bumble recently declared in advertisements that “a vow of celibacy is not the answer.” The ad campaign, which was met with a swift backlash, seemed to be responding to a prevailing notion that people are having less sex than they used to. Back in 2015, we asked our listeners why they weren’t having sex, and their reasons varied. Disability, religious beliefs, S.T.I.s, and differing libidos were all cited as factors. This week, we revisit those stories and reflect on sex and abstinence at a time when those things continue to spark debate. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
28 Maj 202436min
Bonus: After the Interview, Our Guest Had Some Questions
In our episode with Jim Harris, we talked about how a spinal cord injury left him partially paralyzed, and then how 8 months into his recovery he regained some lost sensation and movement after taking psilocybin at a music festival. When we recorded, we talked for a long time….right up to when his window of availability was closing. But as I wrapped up and got ready to say goodbye, he said: can I ask you a few questions? It was interesting to hear what he was wondering about after I’d asked him questions for such a long stretch. So we kept talking… and we thought we’d share that with you too. Podcast production by Andrew Dunn. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode, but you’ll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Or, visit slate.com/dsmplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
24 Maj 20243min
The Night Magic Mushrooms and Jam Bands Helped Me Walk Again
Before going on a kite-skiing trip to the Chilean mountains, Jim Harris and his longtime girlfriend broke up. She wanted to settle down, and he wanted to keep adventuring. On that trip, Jim broke his back and became paralyzed. After eight months of non-stop physical therapy his progress seemed to be stalled until one night at a concert he took magic mushrooms and noticed new movement in muscles that hadn’t worked since his accident. In this episode, Anna and Jim talk about his process of recovery, finding new identity, relationships, and ways to adventure and explore. You can see Jim’s art and a portfolio of his wilderness adventures at PerpetualWeekend.com, and we first heard about Jim from an article in Outside Magazine. Podcast production by Andrew Dunn. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
21 Maj 202448min
My Eating Disorder Turned Into an Obsession With Money
Vivian’s eating disorder started in college. She meticulously tracked calories and the number on the scale. Once she graduated she became less rigid with food, but her fixation with numbers took a new form: budgeting and saving money. In this episode, Anna talks to Vivian about her long and complicated relationship to mental math, how tracking calories and paychecks has helped distract her from painful loss, and how she’s managing with her money anxieties now as she plans a wedding and prenup. Want to hear more about relationships and money? Check out an episode we made all about wedding costs last summer. And if you heard last week’s episode about a mobile health care clinic in rural Virginia, we have an important update from local reporting on the high levels of executive pay at the Health Wagon, which just prompted the Virginia legislature to cancel $800,000 of line item funding for the nonprofit. It's a developing story we'll be following. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
14 Maj 202444min
'Tom' Felt So Alone Not Being Able To Drive. We Made An Introduction.
We first heard from a listener we’re calling Tom in an episode about life transitions. He told us he had recently gotten his driving license revoked because of a health condition, and felt stranded at home and abandoned by friends. In this episode, we called Tom back to learn more about his life and circumstances, and also to put him in conversation with Anna Zivarts, author of the new book, When Driving is Not An Option: Steering Away from Car Dependency. Together they talk about how not being able to drive impacts your routine, relationships, and self-worth. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode, but you’ll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Or, visit slate.com/dsmplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
10 Maj 20244min
Filling the Health Care Gap (and Filling Lips!) in Appalachia
Nurse practitioners Teresa Owens Tyson and Paula Hill-Collins have saved countless lives in rural Appalachia. They operate a mobile clinic called The Health Wagon that brings much-needed care to people who wouldn’t otherwise get it. Teresa and Paula have also been friends since they were 14 years old. They finish each other's sentences, crack jokes, and support each other through difficult times. This week, Teresa and Paula join DSM to talk about their important work, their rock-solid friendship, and their exciting new side gig where they administer beauty treatments like botox and fillers. We also hear from filmmaker Ramin Bahrani, an Academy Award-nominated filmmaker who made a documentary about healthcare in the rural south called If Dreams Were Lightning: Rural Healthcare Crisis. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
7 Maj 202442min
You’re at a Crossroads. We’re Here to Help.
To make this episode we asked you, our listeners, if you had any questions about a big life transition you were preparing for where you needed some advice. We received a collection of questions that really trace the full life cycle of adulthood. We heard from those of you just starting out, wondering about new careers and family structures. We heard from those of you in midlife encountering destabilizing shake-ups in your routine, like a divorce, or a sudden disability. And we heard from you at the end of your working lives, wondering when to retire, and also about how to find purpose when life is no longer organized around a 9-5. To offer advice, we convened a panel of Slate writers and thinkers, Slate writer Mark Joseph Stern, What Next TBD host Lizzie O'Leary, and Working co-host Ronald Young Jr. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
30 Apr 20241h 13min
