Secure Relating, Not the Same as Secure Attachment with Ann & Sue (190)
Navigate more securely no matter where you start. Learn to deepen interpersonal connections, heal trauma and even add enjoyment through secure relating! This podcast gives you truly deep dives into attachment and helpful tools to build comfort with intimacy. Is it possible to have unresolved trauma and still be operating securely in various relationships? Absolutely!! You don’t have to be totally healed from years of therapy under your belt or a history of secure attachment to develop skills for increased intimacy and secure relating. This is something that anybody, no matter their history, can begin to learn. Channeling your inner awareness to recognize a heightened state of arousal or using visualizations to help stay in a regulated place helps tap into your right brain to connect with yourself and your humanity. Ann and Sue navigate their personal examples, self-regulating tips, breaking out of their defensive “competitive head”, and many more useful strategies to explore the ways we can move in the direction of secure connections. “Even if you have a history that leads you to trend toward preoccupied, dismissive or avoidant relating, with effort and practice opening up you can learn to relate from a secure base.” – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment 3:06 – Introduction to attachment patterns 8:53 – Acknowledging the fluctuation of the attachment spectrum 11:56 – The definition of secure relating 27:09 – Using visualizations as a regulation tactic 29:01 – Abandoning your “competitive head” 34:13 – Utilizing the word “bookmark” 37:36 – The importance of preparing yourself for tough conversations 40:45 – Implementing Gottman’s “soft starts” 42:45 – Navigating the coexistence of complex feelings Episode Resources for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment “How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Starts” – Gottman Institute Article Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/whole-brain-living-psychology-neuroanatomy-spirit-with-dr-jill-bolte-taylor-164/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/thrive-during-stress-172/ Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment Transcripts – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! $75 credit alert for our listeners! Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed. It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored With MasterClass, you can learn from the world’s best minds – anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. With over 150 classes from a range of world-class instructors, that thing you’ve always wanted to do is closer than you think. Get unlimited access to EVERY class, and as a Therapist Uncensored listener, you get 15% off an annual membership! Go to MasterClass.com/TU now. Interested in even more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe! Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.
2 Nov 202247min
Healing Body-Focused Repetitive Behavioral Disorders with Stacy Nakell (189)
Hair-pulling, skin picking, and cheek, lip, & cuticle biting are self-soothing strategies that depending on degree can become body-focused repetitive behavioral disorders. Learn about a new attachment-informed psychodynamic model for treating these painful, shame-associated behaviors. While we may not be fully aware when we are pulling and picking, these sorts of unconscious behaviors can be an indicator of dysregulation. Outside factors such as our environment, upbringing, and various traumas can all play a role in these self-soothing behaviors. Stacy Nakell has been an active researcher and pioneer in this field, and has dedicated years to understanding and educating others on how to abandon shame and treat these behaviors. By blending attachment theory and neurobiological research, Nakell has helped rewire the ways in which we navigate these behaviors and brought forward new perspectives like viewing BFRBDs on a continuum and how these overlap with body dysmorphic disorders. Stacy Nakell’s book Treatment for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors is the first to establish the theory and practice of a psychodynamic approach to treating body-focused repetitive behavior disorders. Follow along as Sue and Stacy discuss the misconceptions, treatments, and science to better manage these behavioral patterns. Stacy Nakell wants to help us talk about these shame-filled experiences “It’s important to look from an in-depth perspective… to really get into the roots and understand what’s driving the behavior” – Stacy Nakell Time Stamps for Healing BFRBDs 2:02 – Introduction to trichotillomania 7:26 – When these behaviors are considered a “disorder” 9:36 – The role of shame in repetitive behavioral patterns 11:56 – Are BFRBD’s considered self-harm? 13:33 – The overlap with body dysmorphic disorders 17:36 – Correlation between grooming and BFRBDs 21:08 – Perfectionism’s influence on BFRBDS 22:54 – The role of aggression in BFRBDs 31:14 – Metaphor of the stress cup 41:28 – Analysis of “psychic skin” Resources for Healing BFRBDs Click here to purchase Treatment for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors Stacy Nakell’s Website Stacy Nakell’s Blog Pop Culture Storyline Reference The TLC Foundation Zoobiguity – Barbara Natterson-Horowitz About Stacy Nakell Stacy Nakell is a psychotherapist in private practice in Austin, TX. For the past 20 years, she has worked with people who struggle with body-focused repetitive behaviors. Nakell is a Certified Group Psychotherapist and provides workshops and institutes locally with the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society and nationally with the American Group Psychotherapy Association. We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, and very unique study opportunities. Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! $75 credit alert for our listeners! Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed. It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored Dipsea is an app that brings you socially responsible sexy stories made by and for those who identify as women. Women often have sexual trauma on top of hurtful cultural messaging around sexuality, so finding a new product that can safely reconnect you to an important essence of yourself is very positive. Dipsea promotes sexual and sensual health via imagination in a way that is safe, discreet, and respectful. Reconnect to parts of you that might have been neglected, find things you didn’t know you were into, or just gain more confidence in the bedroom, whether you have someone with you or not. Check it out totally free using our link – this gives you a full 30 days to explore what they are all about dipseastories.com/tu or just click HERE. Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships. An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!
18 Okt 202255min
Mistaken Assumptions to Re-Examine for Relational Connection w Ann and Sue (188)
Do you have intimacy hiccups? Let’s find out. Ann and Sue were on a role w disarming defenses so while this one isn’t technically in that 5 part series, let’s call it a hanger-on. OK, an important question: how you make a tuna sandwich. We are sure your way is awesome but… Unless we think about it contextually, we believe our tuna technique is simply the “right” way. This is true relationally, so how do we recognize interpersonal assumptions that we’ve never examined when they just seem like they are true and right? When we make assumptions we literally don’t know we are doing it because it just seems true. While having assumptions can sometimes be considered a way to keep us safe, they also can be a strong influence on our “intimacy hiccups”. Assumptions block our view of seeing the whole perspective and equip us with a bias that can make our relationships difficult to navigate. Receiving feedback could become an assumption that you’re under attack or not worthy, and can heighten our defenses. Whether your “moral compass” may get in the way, your assumptions form from cultural influence, or you even feel avoidant of those tougher conversations and just assume the other person is on the same page – no matter which defense resonates with you, this episode will probably hit on something relevant for you. Ann and Sue challenge you to just reconsider so you can relate in the most mindful way possible and not accidentally project your way as the “right” way. “When you apologize… you’re not actually above or below the other person – you’re equal to the person. That’s what being truly empowered is, and that’s the assumption that we’re busting.” – Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Busting Assumptions – Episode 188 3:30 – Navigating “intimacy hiccups” 9:03 – The importance of dropping ego during feedback 10:10 – Healthy relating example in parenting 16:36 – Softening your front to allow uncertainty 19:34 – Roles of cultural differences in assumptions 25:42 – The power in knowing how & when to apologize CLICK HERE FOR BUSTING ASSUMPTIONS TRANSCRIPTS – Episode 188 – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities Good sleep is related to so many good health and mental health outcomes, but we don’t all have it easy when we try to fall asleep or stay asleep. Nighttime rituals are important, try a cup of hot cocoa before bed that tastes good and is full of wellness ingredients that will help you sleep. Beam includes 3rd party tested hemp free of THC, l-theanine, melatonin, and natural adaptogens to help your immunity. Get up to 40% off when you go to shopbeam.com/TU and use code TU at checkout. Interested in more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe! Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight about interpersonal relating.
4 Okt 202228min
Connecting with Your Unconscious to Understand Your Defenses Session 5 of 5 – (187)
From navigating power dynamics to utilizing healthy aggression – this series covered many layers of our our natural defense systems. But how do we navigate something we don’t know is there? Ann and Sue are back with one final session to help shift our perspectives and disarm our defenses. This is the 5th episode in a series of 5. You can start anywhere but if you prefer to start at the beginning of the series click here for Session 1. Throughout this five-session series, we’ve explored different defenses, self-reflection, and navigation our own often unconscious internal protection systems. But how do we navigate something we aren’t aware of in the first place? In this episode, Ann and Sue recap the material we’ve learned and take a dive into suppression versus repression. Organizing defenses on a continuum can help us tap into our own emotions, and better regulate our responses to the triggers of the world. However, it is also important to detach the narrative of being “good and bad,” when it comes to our defenses, and recognize they are little parts of who we are that are constantly evolving. Whether it’s projection, appearing to be a “know it all”, power dynamics, ceding, or even being forgetful – we express our unconscious and conscious defenses in multiple ways. Join in exploring your own personal arsenal with curiosity and recognition of the care that drives it. “Some of these defenses are biological. Some are related to religion, culture – you name it. The stew that makes us human come to play in what we’re able to tolerate, take in, and allow ourselves to struggle with. When we can see it, we can then begin to reckon with it.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for Connecting with Your Subconscious – Episode 187 7:44 – Understanding the hierarchy of defense 8:22 – Reviewing the primitive defenses 8:49 – Suppression vs repression 14:55 – The role of “splitting” in our self-image 16:47 – Why healthy denial is essential 20:44 – Recognizing defenses are not black and white 28:24 – “Forgetting” as a defense 43:42 – The issue with compliance 48:35 – Definition of “ceding” in defenses CLICK HERE FOR THE DEFENSE SERIES, SESSION 5 TRANSCRIPTS – Episode 187 – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities Dipsea is an app that brings you socially responsible sexy stories made by and for those who identify as women. Women often have sexual trauma on top of hurtful cultural messaging around sexuality, so finding a new product that can safely reconnect you to an important essence of yourself is very positive. Dipsea promotes sexual and sensual health via imagination in a way that is safe, discreet, and respectful. Reconnect to parts of you that might have been neglected, find things you didn’t know you were into, or just gain more confidence in the bedroom, whether you have someone with you or not. Check it out totally free using our link – this gives you a full 30 days to explore what they are all about dipseastories.com/tu or just click HERE. Zocdoc can help you find therapists and psychiatrists and doctors of all sorts and flavors that your family may need that are close to you, taking new patients, and even taking your insurance. Find the doctor that is right for you, and book an appointment, in person or remotely, that works for your schedule. Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. No more excuses not to take care of yourself – check it out and book now, many providers are available within 24 hours. Interested in more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe! Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight about interpersonal relating.
27 Sep 20221h
Harnessing Healthy Aggression with Jeanne Bunker, Session 4 of 5 (186)
Aggression can be a good thing. It seems backward, right? Aggression is not a feeling – it is a behavior that is frequently associated with feelings such as anger, fear and even hunger. It is a vital energy that propels us forward with an intention. Aggression can be both a positive or negative resource to help us navigate our personal goals, increase intimacy within our relationships, and to act as a catalyst for change when paired with desire. Follow along as Jeanne Bunker and Sue Marriott break down the negative connotations and provide perspective to harness this resource and help reclaim healthy aggression. We’re going to figure out how to use that aggressive energy – that life giving energy – to propel us forward. – Jeanne Bunker Aggression is a potentially healthy life force Jeanne Bunker – internationally-respected group therapist and bad-ass martial artist Jeanne Bunker , LCSW, CGP, FAGPA, has had a psychotherapy practice in Austin, TX, working with groups, individuals, and couples since 1993. Passionate about teaching and mentoring, Jeanne is a faculty member at the Center for Group Studies in NYC, a frequent presenter for the American Group Psychotherapy Association, has taught internationally (Russia, Romania, Spain), and conducts various ongoing training groups for clinicians. She writes about gender, women’s concerns, oppression, and Modern Analysis. To support her own growth and balance, Jeanne studies and teaches Tai Chi and Kung Fu within the Shaolin-Do tradition. Time Stamps for Healthy Aggression – Ep 186 2:47 – The definition of aggression 8:41 – Distinguishing between aggression and anger and other emotions 15:21 – Connection between aggression and desire 25:30 – The role of aggression in intimacy 30:25 – Creative and constructive versus destructive expression of aggression 37:51 – Example scenario: practicing healthy aggression 50:26 – How “call out culture” can be a defense Resources for Healthy Aggression, Ep 186 Jeanne Bunker’s Website The Center for Group Studies – NYC American Group Psychotherapy Assn – excellent resource for training in group therapy JLBunker@prodigy.net – Contact email – she’d love to hear from you Podcast on the science behind aggression – Huberman Labs CLICK HERE FOR DISARMING HUMAN DEFENSES WITH JEANNE BUNKER TRANSCRIPT – Episode 186 – Lightly edited for readability Other related Therapist Uncensored Episodes – or use the search button on our website to find your topics of interest Episode 156: What actually heals in therapy with Dr. Nancy McWilliams Episode 168: Calling in the Call Out Culture with Loretta Ross We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch salesto organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and very unique study opportunities. Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! FOR OUR LISTENERS AG1 is offering $30 off if you order by the end of September with our link. We all know that gut health impacts mood and brain function, but what the heck do you do to support gut health? We’ve got you covered by partnering with our sponsor, Athletic Greens product, AG1. AG1 is Ann and Sue’s once-a-day drink that delivers all the basics of important vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. As a TU Listener, Athletic Greens is gives you a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Plus, supporting our sponsors supports the show which supports mental health access, so go to www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored or click HERE. Like what you are hearing? Check out new videos of our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel.Drop us a note there as well, we love hearing from you. Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight about interpersonal relating. To spread the word about secure relating it helps to rate and review the podcast on our favorite podcast player or simply sharing this episode with someone you think could use the free therapy!
20 Sep 202249min
Navigating Power Dynamics, Disarming Human Defenses with Ann & Sue: Session 3 of 5 (185)
Power can be associated with safety, but when misused it can also be a key indicator of a lack of emotional security and a common defensive move. We call it power over versus empowered with and it’s a tricky move because it’s so supported culturally we frequently don’t realize we are taking over. This is the 3rd episode in a series of 5. You can start anywhere but if you prefer to start at the beginning of the series click here for Session 1 or here for Session 2. Join us for free therapy boot camp by going through this series and reflecting on how you relate and what patterns you might want to change interpersonally. When you unconsciously deem “power” as what keeps you “safe” in vulnerable situations, reflecting and rewiring on this dynamic can transform your connections. Human defenses are quite necessary to protect our nervous system and sense of self. The goal isn’t to eliminate defenses – but to learn how to regulate them, especially in relationships. Defenses can often feel triggered when there is an uneven power dynamic expressed in a relationship and can be influenced by outside factors like gender socialization, culture, or personal history. Tune in as Ann and Sue reflect on their own experiences, shame, and navigating power dynamics to form deeper connections. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/185 Join our private Neuronerd community at www.therapistuncensored.com/join. “Anytime we focus on the power-over position – it can’t be a safe connection. It communicates to your own nervous system that ‘You need to be more alone to be safe…’ It ends up being a self-perpetuating experience.” – Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Power Dynamics – Episode 185 2:47 – Deep dive into the dismissive/”one-upping” defense tactic 9:57 – The role of gender socialization in this defense 14:41 – Addressing shame in relation to defense 24:36 – How our culture breeds narcissism and “one-down” defenses 34:55 – Interactive exercise for vulnerability 45:31 – Reviewing the “Three R’s” spiral CLICK HERE FOR THE DEFENSE SERIES, SESSION 3 TRANSCRIPTS on power dynamics – Episode 185 – Lightly edited for readability Related Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/call-out-culture-168/ We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – please do check them out to support the show! ACTION ALERT – For a limited time only our partner AG1 is offering our listeners $30 off if purchased by the end of September. This is in addition to the free 1 year supply of Vit D and travel packs. What is AG1? It is the shake Ann and Sue both drink every morning because it actually tastes good and it provides a power-punch of all the good wellness ingredients including for gut health! Redeem here www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored! $75 credit alert for our listeners! Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed. It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored If you are the tent pole holding up support for other people, you may want to make sure they are protected should something happen to you. Policygenius is an insurance marketplace that makes it easy to compare quotes from top companies like AIG and Prudential in one place to find your lowest price on life insurance. You could save 50% or more on life insurance by comparing quotes and options start at just $17 per month for $500,000 of coverage. The licensed agents at Policygenius work for you, not the insurance companies and it doesn’t cost you a thing to use their services. Policygenius.com Interested in more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe!
13 Sep 202250min
Our Friend the Hippocampus: Disarming Human Defenses with Ann & Sue, Session 2 of 5 (184)
Our friend the hippocampus! Neuronerds – this one is for you. What exactly is happening in our brains when we feel defensive? We go beyond the basics of the amygdala and the pre-frontal cortex and deep dive into the hippocampus to help us understand more deeply what is happening under the surface of our problematic behaviors. The hippocampus deep dive is part 2 of a 5-part series and you can pick it up anywhere. However, if you prefer to start at the beginning, click here to go to Session 1. In the last episode, we explored what Sue and Ann call the 3-R spiral of change, Recognize, Reflect and Rewire. We also identified various common defenses. In this episode, Ann & Sue break down the different areas of our brain, and discuss the roles each can play in our defense responses. Understanding the critical interplay between the amygdala and hippocampus gives us more insight into our own behavior and sheds light on how our history can intrude today. They explain the concept of “coherent narrative” and discuss applying the 3 R Spiral to our relationships and personal healing. By blending neuroscience and these strategies, we can begin to sort through our unconscious defenses and rewire the ways in which we navigate our interpersonal world. “If you’re someone that needs to be right or needs to be giving advice – you might not recognize that’s your own defense. It feels familiar and good to you, but is actually cutting off your ability to attend your own vulnerability…. it’s not enhancing your relationality.” – Ann Kelley Time Stamps – the Hippocampus as a Defense Regulator 1:39 – What is a defense versus what is an adaptation? 7:46 – Recognizing the critical role of our hippocampus as a regulator of our defense systems 15:10 – Understanding coherent narrative – it’s an outcome of neural integration 25:27 – Using mindfulness in the defense process CLICK HERE for the transcript of: Our Friend the Hippocampus, Disarming Human Defenses with Ann & Sue Session 2 – Episode 184 – Lightly edited for readability Session 1 of the series starts here! Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes (on Mindfulness) https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/find-your-focus-own-your-attention-with-dr-amishi-jha-177/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/its-not-communication-you-need-its-connection-with-guest-john-howard-178/ We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. If this show brings you and those you care about value, please consider joining us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities. Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – check them out to support the show! We all know that gut health impacts mood and brain function, but what the heck do you do to support gut health? We’ve got you covered by partnering with our sponsor, Athletic Greens product, AG1. AG1 is Ann and Sue’s once-a-day drink that delivers all the basics of important vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. As a TU Listener, Athletic Greens gives you a free 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Plus, supporting our sponsors supports the show which supports mental health access, so go to www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored or click HERE.
1 Sep 202227min
Disarming Human Defenses, a Series with Ann & Sue: Session 1 of 5 (183)
Ann and Sue get into the nitty gritty by bringing you a short series of conversations on the uncomfortable truth about normal human defenses. Whether you’re receiving hard professional feedback or facing a challenging discussion in your relationship – nobody enjoys those cringy feelings of being told something you don’t know or agree with about yourself. Often these moments trigger an automatic neurobiological protection response in the cells dedicated to protecting us from threat. No human doesn’t have this problem at the most fundamental level – so this series will break it down for exploration. This is the first episode in a five-part series where Ann and Sue take a deep dive into various kinds of frequently used defenses. They discuss how to become more conscious of which state of mind you may be in – protective circuits or connection circuits and how to sort out what to do if in the armored range. The 3 R spiral of change is a process that can help you reconnect and reground yourself in moments of stress. Identifying the ways you display this discomfort is a great first step in creating that shift from our automatic default responses to a more connected state where we can be present within ourselves and our relationships. We all get defensive “Nobody’s died from a feeling. You’re going to have them – maybe you’ll feel embarrassed or ashamed, or unfairly done to.. but the feeling itself is only 90 seconds, after that it’s all story. Feelings are going to have a beginning and a middle and an end, so just ride them out and they will change, morph, eventually subside. You don’t have to ‘do’ anything. It’ll pass. You are gonna be okay.'” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps 2:52 – Three R spiral of change – recognition, reflection, rewiring 9:46 – The last R: “Rewiring” 18:42 – The first stage of self-awareness, waking up and stopping our projections 26:54 – One of the key ingredients to self-awareness 28:53 – The difference between self-care and stubbornness 30:54 – Different types of self-awareness 36:00 – “Don’t do this” when receiving feedback 40:08 – Tips and recommendations for mindfulness CLICK HERE for Defense Series – Part 1 Transcript – Episode 183 – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare. We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – check them out to support the show! Zocdoc can help you find therapists and psychiatrists and doctors of all sorts and flavors that your family may need that are close to you, taking new patients, and even taking your insurance. Find the doctor that is right for you, and book an appointment, in person or remotely, that works for your schedule. Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. No more excuses not to take care of yourself – check it out and book now, many providers are available within 24 hours. Good sleep is related to so many good health and mental health outcomes, but we don’ tall have it easy when we try to fall asleep or stay asleep. Nighttime rituals are important, try a cup of hot cocoa before bed that tastes good and is full of wellness ingredients that will help you sleep. Beam includes 3rd party tested hemp free of THC, l-theanine, melatonin and natural adaptogens to help your immunity. Get up to 40% off when you go to shopbeam.com/TU and use code TU at checkout. We hope you enjoy this content, if so please do leave us a rating wherever you get your podcasts so others may discover it as well. Tk you for stopping by!
30 Aug 202241min
