The Patriarchy vs. The Mental Load

How the Patriarchy Affects the Mental Load

This isn't a "fuck the patriarchy/white straight men suck" episode. This is an acknowledgment and discussion of facts. The facts are, that the patriarchy exists; by nature, it oppresses women and people of color; and it needs to be reformed. (which would then make it something new altogether) Society and institutions are made to evolve as they learn and I think we've learned enough about the patriarchy to make it clear that a lot needs to change.

And, to be fair, outside of the economics of the patriarchy, I would say that it doesn't actually serve white men that well either, which we will dive in to as part of this epsidoe.

What is patriarchy?

It's very complicated, but in an oversimplified explanation: it's the idea that men have more power, dominance, and privilege than women. Men hold positions of power and women are less valued therefore end up oppressed. The ideas of the patriarchy infiltrate daily life.

For example: women take men's names at marriage and their children get the male surnames. Another is that men hold most executive positions at companies and in government. They make decisions based on their worldview to the detriment of women. Obviously there are some parts we take bigger issue with than others.

Values like rationale thinking are prioritized over emotions. It's primarily white and heterosexual. Behaviors are policed based on the social construct of these ideas.

So what does this have to do with the mental load?

The patriarchy built and maintains the systems we have today that do not help and support women. It also steers men's behavior in a way that does not support modern family life. It leads to deeply unsatisfied relationships on both sides of the equation although for different reasons. It really lays the foundation for the mental load.

• In society? Creates a hierarchy of power with white men at the top. Discussion: We'll discuss later on why we think the patriarchy doesn't actually serve men well either, but do you think it's something that the average man thinks about nearly as much as those who mother do?
• In American culture, women expect to be harassed and are constantly on alert for physical threats.
• In the workplace? Men hold most senior executive functions

If you're inherently against things like male dominance and privilege, does that make you a feminist? And is being a feminist still looked down upon?

Here's one definition I found: Many forms of feminism characterize patriarchy as a present-day unjust social system that subordinates, discriminates, and oppresses women. Feminists often view patriarchal ideology as the root cause of gender inequality.

So going by that, yes, I guess I'd define myself as a feminist and I would not feel bad about that. Side note - isn't it the patriarchy that makes us feel bad about being a feminist?

What mental load issues does the patriarchy keep in place?

• the burden of childcare - as we all know by now, childcare is looked on a being feminine and appearing feminine is a big no-no for men under the patriarchy.
• sick days
• pick up/drop off
• appointments

All these things end up falling primarily to women. Thus, we must mentally retain the details around them.

• being the default parent - if your spouse is more valued in society than you, you'll be the first one school calls, the one who coordinates all the invisible labor, etc.
• Contraception - the burden to find it, take it reliably because we do not have rights to our own bodily autonomy in every state
• Invisible Labor - cooking, cleaning, chores - they're gendered and split unevenly. This is why so...