Feeling Alone in Your Marriage? The Cry for Connection

Feeling Alone in Your Marriage? The Cry for Connection

Do you ever feel alone, even in your marriage? In this powerful episode of Master Your Marriage, we explore why loneliness hits so hard and how your brain is wired for connection. Sharla and Robert dive into the science of the relational brain, challenging the “go it alone” mindset of individualism. From Ed Tronick’s “still face” experiment to James Coan’s Social Baseline Theory, we uncover how co-regulation—syncing with your partner’s nervous system—can transform your relationship. Through compelling stories, like a couple rediscovering connection amidst conflict, and the stark realities of isolation (from orphanages to solitary confinement), we reveal why connection isn’t just a want—it’s a survival need. Plus, we tackle the paradox: love can calm us, but it can also trigger us like nothing else. Tune in to learn how prioritizing your marriage can heal loneliness and build a healthier, happier life together.

Key Takeaways
  • Your Brain Craves Connection: Science shows our nervous systems are designed to co-regulate, sharing emotions and stress with others to stay balanced and healthy.
  • Loneliness Hurts—Literally: From infants in orphanages to adults in solitary confinement, disconnection can lead to physical and mental health crises.
  • Co-Regulation in Action: Simple acts, like staying calm when your partner is stressed, can help them “borrow” your calm nervous system.
  • The Paradox of Love: Marriage can be a lighthouse of safety but also a mirror, triggering old wounds—making a secure relationship essential for survival.
  • Individualism’s Downside: Prioritizing “me” over “we” can erode connection, but relationalism rebuilds trust and intimacy in marriage.

Dive Deeper

Explore these resources to deepen your understanding of how we’re wired for connection:

  • Ed Tronick’s “Still Face” Experiment: Watch this YouTube video to see how a mother’s blank face impacts her child, showing the power of emotional synchronicity. Search “Ed Tronick Still Face Experiment.”
  • Social Baseline Theory by Lane Beckes and James Coan: Learn more about how our brains rely on close relationships to conserve energy and manage stress. Check out Coan’s TEDx talk or their research at the University of Virginia’s website (search “James Coan Social Baseline Theory”).
  • Dr. Dan Siegel’s Work: His book The Developing Mind explains how relationships shape our brains. A great starting point for understanding interpersonal neurobiology.
  • Rene Spitz’s Orphanage Studies: Read about Spitz’s 1950s research on how emotional neglect led to infant mortality, highlighting connection as a survival need. Available in psychology journals or summaries online (search “Rene Spitz orphanage studies”).
  • Book Recommendation: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book dives into attachment theory, offering practical insights for building secure connections in your marriage.
  • Further Study: Visit the Greater Good Science Center (greatergood.berkeley.edu) for articles on the science of relationships and connection, including practical tips for couples.

Connect with Us
  • Email: masteryourmarriage@gmail.com – Ask about our coaching options or share your story.
  • Instagram: Follow @masteryourmarriage for daily tips and inspiration.
  • Reviews: Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify, and share it with someone who’d benefit.
  • Feedback: Have topic ideas or ways we can improve? Email us at masteryourmarriage@gmail.com.

Parting Words

Connection is your nervous system’s cry for...

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The Need To Be Right: Losing Relationship Strategies #1

The Need To Be Right: Losing Relationship Strategies #1

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a CoupleGet Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook—just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsettingIn this episode of Master Your Marriage, we discuss the destructive pattern of needing to be right in relationships. They explain that this pattern can lead to disconnection and alienation from others. The hosts explore how the need to be right shows up in sneaky ways, such as collecting evidence to prove one's perspective, acting morally superior, and convincing oneself that it's for the greater good. We emphasize the importance of looking within and examining our own behaviors, as well as the need to let go of the ego's desire to be right. The episode ends with reflection questions for listeners to consider.Takeaways:The need to be right can lead to disconnection and alienation in relationships.The need to be right shows up in sneaky ways, such as collecting evidence to prove one's perspective and acting morally superior.It's important to look within and examine our own behaviors, as well as let go of the ego's desire to be right.Curiosity and equal dialogue are more important than the need to be right in relationships.#destructive #pattern #right , #relationships , #disconnection #alienation #ego #marriage #podcast

7 Aug 202425min

The Courage to Look Within: Healing Our Marriage

The Courage to Look Within: Healing Our Marriage

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a CoupleGet Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook—just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsettingThe quality of relationships is the best predictor of overall life satisfaction. Happiness in marriage is not about luck or finding a soulmate, but about seeking wisdom and personal growth. Marriage exposes our limitations and immaturities, providing an opportunity for development and maturity. Psychological maturity requires developing a sense of self and living according to our values. As children, we borrow our sense of self from our parents, but as adults, we need to grow ourselves up. Immaturity in relationships leads to control or feeling controlled. People-pleasers seek validation, while controllers seek power. Change requires a fruitful reason, truthfulness, and accountability.TakeawaysThe quality of relationships is the best predictor of overall life satisfactionHappiness in marriage comes from seeking wisdom and personal growthMarriage exposes our limitations and immaturities, providing an opportunity for development and maturityPsychological maturity requires developing a sense of self and living according to our valuesChange requires fruitful reason, truthfulness, and accountability💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en

31 Juli 202428min

The Power of Choice in Relationships

The Power of Choice in Relationships

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a CoupleGet Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook—just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsettingWhy are you choosing to stay in your current relationship or marriage?Today, we’re diving deep into a topic that can truly transform your relationship: The Power of Choice. We’ll explore how making conscious decisions can strengthen your bond and bring out the best in both you and your partner. So, get ready to discover why choosing into your relationship every day is the key to its success.Key Takeaways:The Importance of Choice in Relationships;Understanding Autonomy and Its Impact;Daily Choices and Their Long-term Impact;Remember that choosing your relationship every day is a powerful act that can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful partnership. Reflect on why you’re choosing to stay in your relationship and what you’re willing to do to make it better.Don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast if you haven’t already, so you never miss an episode. If you found value in today’s discussion, please leave us a five-star review and a comment. Your support helps us continue bringing you free coaching sessions every week.

25 Juli 202418min

Why Treating Your Marriage Like a Business Could Save It

Why Treating Your Marriage Like a Business Could Save It

Create Your Strongest Year Yet as a CoupleGet Intentional With Your Relationship in 2025: Download our exact blueprint to aligning your values and planning your year, with our 2025 Yearly Couples Planning & Alignment Workbook—just $19. Get it here: https://bit.ly/2025goalsettingWelcome back to another transformative episode of Master Your Marriage! This week, we're thrilled to have fellow marriage mentors, Kevin and Michelle Davis. They bring a wealth of experience and wisdom, particularly from their unique backgrounds in dealing with the challenges of coming from divorced families. Kevin hosts the popular podcast, "Maxed Out Man," where he empowers men to excel in all aspects of life, starting with their relationships. Join us as we dive deep into the crucial topics of emotional intelligence, effective communication, and the relentless pursuit of growth in marriage.The idea that couples should treat their relationship with the same intentionality and strategy as a business might be controversial, but we argue it can lead to a significantly more successful marriage.📅 Connect with Kevin and Michelle here: https://www.maxedoutman.com/💬 Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en

17 Juli 20241h 9min

Sex Hormones, Emotional Resilience & Love Potions with Thomas Seager

Sex Hormones, Emotional Resilience & Love Potions with Thomas Seager

What do sex hormones and emotional regulation have to do with ice bathing? As research suggests, both may be modulated by deliberate cold exposure, and therefore a possible strategy for couples to improve intimacy Thomas Seager, a PhD in civil and environmental engineering, shares his journey into researching deliberate cold exposure and its impact on health. He discusses the importance of individual health and the need for people to take charge of their own well-being. Thomas also shares personal experiences with cold exposure and how it has positively affected his health, including increasing testosterone levels. He emphasizes the importance of listening to individual experiences and conducting N equals one experiments to explore the benefits of cold exposure. The conversation also touches on topics such as brown fat and its relationship to hormones. Cold exposure stimulates brown fat, which has multiple functions in the body. It helps regulate metabolism, modulate thyroid function, and secrete neuroprotective factors and hormones that keep the brain in good shape. Cold exposure can also improve cognitive function and aid in recovery from brain injuries. It is important to be a little bit cold some of the time to maintain optimal health and prevent age-related diseases. Cold exposure can also enhance resilience and emotional intelligence in relationships. Deliberate cold exposure can have various benefits for both physical and mental health. It can help recruit brown fat, improve metabolic health, release stress, and promote psychological resilience. However, there are some contraindications to be aware of, such as hypertension and transient global amnesia. It's important to approach cold exposure with caution and listen to your body's response. Thomas Seager's book, Uncommon Cold, explores the science and experiences behind deliberate cold exposure. His website, Morozco Forge, provides resources and articles on the topic.TakeawaysIndividuals should take charge of their own health and not solely rely on medical experts or institutions.Personal experiences and N equals one experiments can provide valuable insights into the benefits of cold exposure.Cold exposure, such as ice baths, can have positive effects on hormone levels, including testosterone.Brown fat, which can be activated through cold exposure, has been linked to various health benefits.The scientific community should be open to exploring and studying the experiences and anecdotes of individuals to develop new hypotheses and treatments. Brown fat is not just for cold thermogenesis, it also has essential secretory functions in the body.Cold exposure can improve brain function and aid in recovery from brain injuries.Regular cold exposure can stimulate mitogenesis and rejuvenate mitochondria, leading to improved metabolism.Cold exposure can enhance resilience and emotional intelligence in relationships. Deliberate cold exposure can recruit brown fat and improve metabolic health.Cold exposure can release stress and promote psychological resilience.Hypertension and transient global amnesia are contraindications to be aware of.Approach cold exposure with caution and listen to your body's response.Thomas Seager's book, Uncommon Cold, explores the science and experiences of deliberate cold exposure.The website Morozco Forge provides resources and articles on the topic.Visit Morozco Forge for more on Thomas Seager's work. 🌐📖Follow Thomas on Instagram: @SeagerTP 📸

10 Juli 20241h 29min

Connecting Couples By Aligning Values

Connecting Couples By Aligning Values

Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionThis Episode’s Highlights:Robert’s Career Revelation: Robert shares his journey from contractor to CEO and how a simple mirror exercise revealed his true values. 🪞✨Living Pono: Discover the Hawaiian concept of living in alignment with your deepest values and how it can transform your life. 🌺🌿Creating Rituals: Learn how to establish daily and annual rituals that support your values and strengthen your relationship. 🔄💖Quick Action Steps:1. Find Your Values: Reflect on what truly matters to you in life and relationships. 🧠💭2. Set Rituals: Create simple, meaningful rituals to honor those values. 📅✨3. Align Together**: Share and align your values with your partner for a stronger bond. 💑💕Timestamps:0:00 - Introduction and Welcome 🎉1:20 - Robert’s Career Revelation 🏗️➡️👔3:00 - The Mirror Exercise 🪞5:00 - Living in Alignment: The Concept of Pono 🌺6:40 - Creating Meaningful Rituals 🔄10:00 - Annual Marriage Retreat: Realigning Values 🏔️❤️11:45 - Applying Alignment to Relationships 💑13:00 - Understanding and Discovering Your Values 🧭17:00 - The Power of Shared Values in Marriage 💖19:20 - Final Thoughts and Takeaways 🌟20:30 - Call to Action: Subscribe, Review, and Share 📣Follow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en

3 Juli 202434min

Understanding Male Hormones and Aging with Dr. Allen Holmes

Understanding Male Hormones and Aging with Dr. Allen Holmes

Dr. Allen Holmes of Biosymmetry (https://biosymmetrywilmington.com/our-team/) discusses male hormones and the effects of aging on testosterone levels. He explains that as men age, testosterone levels naturally decline, leading to symptoms such as fatigue, low energy, decreased libido, and reduced motivation. However, he emphasizes that low testosterone is not just a normal part of aging and can be treated. Dr. Holmes discusses the different methods of testosterone supplementation, including pellets, injections, and creams, and highlights the importance of individualized treatment based on symptoms and lab results. He also addresses common concerns and misconceptions about testosterone, such as its impact on prostate health and the risk of side effects.TakeawaysLow testosterone is not just a normal part of aging and can be treated.Testosterone supplementation can help improve symptoms such as fatigue, low energy, decreased libido, and reduced motivation.Treatment options include pellets, injections, and creams, and the choice depends on individual needs and preferences.Monitoring testosterone levels and adjusting treatment based on symptoms and lab results is important for optimal results.Concerns about testosterone's impact on prostate health and the risk of side effects are often based on outdated or incomplete information.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Dr. Allen Holmes' Background02:10 Understanding Male Hormones and Aging06:19 Different Terms for Male Hormone Changes09:02 Recognizing Symptoms of Low Testosterone14:44 Debunking Myths: Testosterone and Prostate Health22:58 Treatment Options for Erectile Dysfunction36:26 Natural Ways to Increase Testosterone41:17 Conclusion and Contact Information

26 Juni 202440min

Owning Our Sexual Desire Part 4 (Psychological Maturity)

Owning Our Sexual Desire Part 4 (Psychological Maturity)

The episode discusses the importance of a strong sense of self in maintaining sexual desire in relationships. It emphasizes the need to focus on oneself rather than relying on others for validation and approval. The hosts share a story of a couple who experienced sexual desire problems due to their underdeveloped sense of self. They provide steps for strengthening one's sense of self, including observing, evaluating, and interrupting automatic behaviors. The hosts recommend the book 'Everything Isn't Terrible' by Dr. Kathleen Smith as a resource for further exploration.Values Course “Sync Up: Aligning Values & Vision For Lasting Love” is now available! Get registered here: https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/in-sync-together-aligning-values--visionTakeawaysA strong sense of self is crucial for maintaining sexual desire in relationships.Focusing on oneself rather than relying on others for validation and approval is important.Observing, evaluating, and interrupting automatic behaviors can help strengthen one's sense of self.The book 'Everything Isn't Terrible' by Dr. Kathleen Smith is a recommended resource for further exploration.Chapters00:00 Introduction: The Role of Sense of Self in Sexual Desire18:32 The Impact of an Underdeveloped Sense of Self on Sexual Desire29:19 Steps for Strengthening Sense of Self37:22 Conclusion: Observing, Evaluating, and InterruptingFollow us on IG: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en#sexualempowerment #relationship #marriage #validation #mature #emotionalintelligence #desire

20 Juni 202439min

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