Kristen Schaal and the Relativity of Time & Collarbones with Trixie and Katya

We are proud to partner this week with the Anti Phone-Shaming League of North America to bring you a very important message: you, dear listeners, are so much more than your phone. Do you have an iPhone X? An iPhone SE? Or even an Android? You're not alone. We are here for you. We want you to know that you are loved, appreciated, and your self-worth is about so much more than that thin piece of glass and aluminum in your pocket. As you lay down tonight in your parents' basement on your tear-stained pillow, we want you to close your eyes and recite the following mantra: "Though I may not have the latest shiny iPhone, a socially-acceptable level of personal hygiene, or even the knowledge of what it's like to be loved; I am good enough, I am smart enough, and gosh darnit people like me." Start building your credit with Chime! Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit to get started. Head to Chime.com/BALD or click here: https://www.chime.com/apply-debit/?ad=podcast_bald There’s no more shame in your gut game. Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide, your insides. Get 25% off your first month for a limited time at https://Ritual.com/BALD It’s 2024. Are you still feeding your cat kibble? Head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! Need to build a website? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Visit https://LELO.com now for exclusive discounts on luxury intimacy products, and use code BALD10 at checkout for an additional 10% off your purchase! DRIVE AWAY DOLLS is only in theaters now! Visit https://DriveAwayDollsMovie.com to get tickets now! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

5 Mars 202448min

We here at BALD, LLC, including our main counsel Henry Z. Winkleschmiggens IV, Esq., would like to take this opportunity to clear the air regarding the rampant online rumors surrounding Trixie Mattel and Helen Hunt's fictional father in 1996's epic action movie Twister. Is Dr. Jo Harding's father, who was literally sucked into a massive tornado whilst trying to hold a makeshift shelter's door closed in 1969, actually Trixie Mattel's father? If true, that would mean that Trixie is Helen Hunt's fictional sibling, and therefore heir to the Hunt's Ketchup fortune? The answer, devoted listeners of the pod, is "Yes." Trixie is, indeed, Helen Hunt's fictional brother, and therefore privy to all the rights and privileges contained therein. Visit https://LELO.com now for exclusive discounts on luxury intimacy products, and use code BALD10 at checkout for an additional 10% off your purchase! DRIVE AWAY DOLLS is only in theaters now! Visit https://DriveAwayDollsMovie.com to get tickets now! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

27 Feb 202452min

Does our art threaten you? Does it make you completely reconsider your physical existence? Does it make you stop and question the status quo and stop sleepwalking through life like a sheep? Does it make you feel weird and nervous and uncomfortable and unsure if your houseplants want to murder you? Does it set fire to your neat little sphere of influence to the point where you cease knowing what is real and imagined? Good. Sit in that discomfort and let your soul marinate in the chaotic power that is our art. Look at our art and fear us, you prole. *Please note: this episode contains references to sexual assault. To contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline, dial 1-800-656-HOPE. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Thirsty? Go to https://LiquidDeath.com/BALD to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer! Visit https://LELO.com now for exclusive discounts on luxury intimacy products, and use code BALD10 at checkout for an additional 10% off your purchase! DRIVE AWAY DOLLS is only in theaters this Friday February 23rd! Visit https://DriveAwayDollsMovie.com to get tickets now! LISA FRANKENSTEIN is only in theaters now! Visit https://LisaFrankensteinFilm.com to get tickets! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

20 Feb 202450min

Do you love Trixie and Katya with all your heart? Would you like to find a club of other humans who share your affinity for these two remarkable queens? Well now you can! Sign up for the official "The Dolls are the Dolls Fan Club" to join an elite group of fabulous individuals who are super-duper extra special! Exclusive membership benefits include: An official non-laminated "I'm a Doll" Membership Card that could arrive in the mail, or maybe not! An annual newsletter written not by Trixie or Katya, but by someone! A unique email forwarding address: . An "I Play with Dolls" bumper sticker for when you take your kids to the local playground! And for a limited time, all "Elite Cadet" members get a lock of Katya's hair! All you have to do is send in a self-addressed, stamped-envelope with seventeen General Mills proof-of-purchases to: Dolls, LLC, PO Box 666, Aurora, CO 99991. Don't be a sad loser for another minute! Join now! To try the #1 Meal Kit for eating well, go to https://GreenChef.com/60BALD and use code 60BALD to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next two months! Visit https://LELO.com now for exclusive discounts on luxury intimacy products, and use code BALD10 at checkout for an additional 10% off your purchase! DRIVE AWAY DOLLS is only in theaters February 23rd. Visit https://DriveAwayDollsMovie.com to get tickets now! LISA FRANKENSTEIN is only in theaters February 9th. Visit https://LisaFrankensteinFilm.com to get tickets now! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

13 Feb 202455min

As the morning sunshine warms my bare bottom and my feet feel the cool chill of the kitchen tile, I reach into the freezer. A blast of cold air greets me, turning my nipples so hard I could dial an iPhone. As a shiver pleasantly travels south from my torso to my abdomen to the very tip of my sheathed sword, I saunter to the counter where I insert a blueberry-kissed waffle into the tight, dark, chrome-covered hole of my toaster. A gentle cloud of warmth emanates from the glowing steel rods within, bringing with it an intoxicating aroma of fruit, sugar, and hot, fluffy passion. The shiny appliance transforms into a giver of joy as the Eggo waffle pops up from the darkness, steam rising slowly and beckoning me to grab it and caress it and swallow it whole. I temper my passion for a moment, if only to find the fortitude to instead gently place it on a plate, covering it in slick, wet butter and gooey, sticky-sweet maple syrup. As the cushiony indentations of unadulterated bliss finally touch my lips, I let out a moan from deep within my very soul, announcing to the world that it's 7am on a Tuesday and yes, Deborah...I am 100% going to f**k this waffle. Head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! Start building your credit! Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit. Get started at https://Chime.com/BALD Check out SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! DRIVE AWAY DOLLS is only in theaters February 23rd. Visit https://DriveAwayDollsMovie.com to get tickets now! LISA FRANKENSTEIN is only in theaters February 9th. Visit https://LisaFrankensteinFilm.com to get tickets now! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

6 Feb 202454min

Please prepare your mind, body, and soul for Trixie's delightful chat with stand-up comedian, actress, makeup mogul, and Daily Show correspondent; the eminently-hilarious Dulcé Sloan! From plane-travel safety tips to in-depth kimchi reviews to African mammal facts, this episode is a once-in-a-lifetime journey through an enchanted forest populated solely by colossal smiles and rapturous glee. Follow Dulce: @Dulce Sloan and head to https://www.dulcesloan.com for tour dates! Start all your shopping at https://Rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today, your Cash Back really adds up! From acclaimed screenwriter Diablo Cody comes LISA FRANKENSTEIN, only in theaters February 9th! Visit https://LisaFrankensteinFilm.com to get tickets now! Check out SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Need to find the perfect gift? Don’t panic. Head to https://Etsy.com and try Gift Mode on Etsy now! FX’s Feud: Capote vs. The Swans premieres January 31st on FX! Stream on Hulu. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/feud Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

30 Jan 202458min

'Twas the night before Christmas, and the house was filled with holly berry stench. Bianca Del Rio was headed to Surrey, to have dinner with Dame Judi Dench. The car service was booked, excitement hung in the air, but little did she know, a tiny airborne virus was also there. As the Covid test came back positive, and she had to cancel her trip, all she could murmur was, "Well this is some utter bullsh*t." To check out Bianca's Dead Inside tour dates, go to: https://www.thebiancadelrio.com FX’s Feud: Capote vs. The Swans premieres January 31st on FX. Stream on Hulu. Head to https://ViiaHemp.com and use the code BALD to receive 15% off + one free sample of their Sleepy Dreams gummies! (21+) Check out SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Bianca: @TheBiancaDelRio Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

23 Jan 202453min

Hi, Deborah. Thanks so much for taking the time to have a one-on-one with me this morning. I know that 8am Zooms can be logistically difficult, but Sheila from accounting pinged me yesterday, and per our post-mortem with Ted from the regional office, I wanted to stop herding cats and prevent this whole team from becoming a dumpster fire. As it turns out, we've identified multiple pain points in regards to your core competencies, and we simply can't see a clear route to going-to-market with so much low-hanging fruit being under-utilized. If you can't get your team's ducks in a row, we may have to drill down into the quarterly numbers even more, especially if we want to run it up the flagpole to Alexander before EOD. So how about we stop moving the goal posts, whiteboard the heck out of this thing, and address every action item before I have a hard-out at 10am. I really think this deck is going to be a game-changer. Also? Please kill me. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

16 Jan 202450min