Ep 35 – What It’s Really Like to Have a Spanking Fetish: Kai and Sarah’s Story of Suppression, Self-Acceptance, and Finding Each Other (Part 1)

Ep 35 – What It’s Really Like to Have a Spanking Fetish: Kai and Sarah’s Story of Suppression, Self-Acceptance, and Finding Each Other (Part 1)

What happens when two people spend years suppressing a core part of themselves only to realize that denying their identity comes at too high a cost? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with Kai and Sarah for Part 1 of a powerful two-part series exploring how their shared spanking fetish shaped their personal growth, relationships, and ultimately, their path to each other.


We talk about what it was like to try to “make it work” in partnerships that didn’t share their kink, the emotional toll of trying to suppress a core need, and how meeting one another brought clarity, healing, and fulfillment. This conversation goes deep into identity, compatibility, and the courage it takes to choose alignment over obligation.


Whether you’re wrestling with your identity, navigating kink in a relationship, or searching for connection that truly sees you, this episode offers perspective, validation, and the reminder that you're not alone.


In Part 2, we’ll dive into how Kai and Sarah play within their domestic discipline dynamic, how they navigate playing with others, and the rules and structure they’ve built to make it work, so stay tuned for that!


Episode Highlights:

02:53 Challenges in Relationships and Spanking

04:43 Finding Fulfillment and Community

17:03 Discipline and Accountability in Spanking

20:07 Reflecting on First Spanking Experiences

22:12 The Challenges of Exploring Kinks in Marriage

25:39 Finding Compatibility and Connection

31:26 Practicing Domestic Discipline

37:10 Advice for Those Struggling with Kink Acceptance


Connect with Kai and Sarah

Connect with Me:

Book Mentioned:


Podcast Mentioned:

Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1
Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

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Ep 48 - Dating Makeover: The Mistakes You Didn’t Know You Were Making with Lana Ricco

Ep 48 - Dating Makeover: The Mistakes You Didn’t Know You Were Making with Lana Ricco

Get your kinky breakthrough in just 20 minutes. Book your call with The Kink Consultant here: https://www.amandadames.com/If you’ve been on more first dates than you can count and you’re still single, chances are you’re making dating mistakes you didn’t even know about.In this episode, I sit down with Lana Ricco, host of the Dating Makeover show and podcast, to dig into the biggest dating mistakes that are quietly keeping people single. From chasing the wrong type of partner, to ignoring red and green flags around money, marriage, and family, Lana breaks down how to approach dating with clarity, strategy, and confidence.We talk about why men and women often marry for very different reasons, how to spot the difference between dominance and toxic “alpha” energy, and why your mindset going into a date matters just as much as your outfit. Lana also shares her own story of getting engaged within days of meeting her husband, and the key questions she asked up front that made the difference.If you’re ready to stop repeating patterns, avoid the traps that keep you stuck, and finally give your dating life a makeover, this conversation will show you where to begin.Episode Highlights: (00:00) The Concept of Dating Makeover(02:50) Insights on Men and Marriage(12:45) Understanding Dominance in Relationships(17:16) Understanding Submissiveness and Dominance(19:55) Cultural Differences in Relationships(23:19) Finding the Right Partner(30:52) Core Questions for Relationship Success(31:40) Knowing When You’re Ready to DateConnect with Lana Riccohttps://www.instagram.com/lana.ricco/https://www.youtube.com/@LanaRiccohttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dating-makeover-with-lana-ricco/id1819348183Connect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

3 Sep 34min

Ep 47 - What It Takes to Be a Global Content Creator: From Australia to England with Koby Falks

Ep 47 - What It Takes to Be a Global Content Creator: From Australia to England with Koby Falks

This episode was recorded weeks before Koby passed. We’re sharing it with love and gratitude, in memory of him. It’s a chance to hear his voice, his story, and his spirit one more time.In this episode, I get to talk to Koby Falks, adult performer, OnlyFans star, and live sex show headliner, to talk about what it’s like building a career that spans continents, from Australia to the UK and beyond.We get into the realities of performing live on stage, navigating the gay vs. straight OnlyFans markets, and why building a recognizable brand is the key to standing out. Koby also shares his experience on balancing relationships with a public sex work career, how kinks evolve over time, and why sexuality is always more fluid than labels suggest.If you’ve ever wanted the inside story of global content creation and what it really takes to build a career that lasts in this scene, this episode is for you.Episode Highlights: 00:51 Live Sex Shows in Australia05:00 Marketing and Networking in the Gay Community11:30 Maintaining a Business Relationship Post-Breakup22:01 Global Adventures in Filming24:49 Personal Kinks and Preferences30:21 The Dynamics of Sexuality34:18 Balancing Work and Personal Life

28 Aug 38min

Ep 46 - Design Your Dreamgirl: From Phone Sex to Camming with Pepper Kat

Ep 46 - Design Your Dreamgirl: From Phone Sex to Camming with Pepper Kat

What does your dream girl look like?In this episode, I get to talk with Pepper Kat about how she went from the newsroom to sex work, and why her background in TV and film now fuels her career in storytelling-driven erotica. We dive into the rise of breeding kink (and how Elon Musk weirdly influenced it), the reality of phone sex and camming, and the wildest requests Pepper’s ever gotten. She shares what it’s like to balance business and pleasure, the double lives that people lead to keep their fantasies hidden, why sex work is more mainstream than most people want to admit.If you’ve ever been curious about the business of fantasy or wondered just how far people will go to make their desires real, this one’s for you.Episode Highlights: 00:50 Design Your Dream Girl: A Customized Fantasy Experience02:12 Exploring Popular Kinks and Trends12:39 Phone Sex: Behind the Scenes20:49 The Universality of Sexual Fantasies27:26 Odd Requests and Custom Videos30:46 Double Lives and Relationship Dynamics32:54 Selling Bath Water and Other MerchConnect with Pepper Kat: Website: https://www.pepperkat.com/designyourdreamgirlPodcast: https://www.pepperkat.com/heartfelt-perspectivesConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠

20 Aug 36min

Ep 45 - Impact Play Survival Guide: Skincare Tips from Flora

Ep 45 - Impact Play Survival Guide: Skincare Tips from Flora

Your butt cheeks also need some TLC… In this episode, I’m joined by Flora, a fellow spanko and skincare enthusiast, to talk about keeping your most spanked asset healthy. From preventing scars and managing hyperpigmentation to speeding up bruise recovery and avoiding leather butt, Flora shares the routines, products, and doctor-approved tips that every impact bottom should know.We break down the best ways to protect your skin before a weekend of play, what to do immediately after a scene, and how to keep your cheeks soft, smooth, and ready for the next round. Plus, we get into the realities of party drop, why volunteering matters, and why curiosity is the most underrated thing you can bring to any kink event.If you want your marks to fade faster, your skin to recover quicker, and your other cheeks to get the same love as your face, this one’s for you.Episode Highlights: 04:18 Managing Bruising and Skin Discoloration07:30 Skincare Routines and Tips13:46 The Texas Allstate Spanking Party Experience18:31 Bottoms Up and Community Events20:55 Daily and Post-Play Skincare Recommendations24:13 Understanding and Treating Itchy Skin31:47 Dealing with Leather Butt33:23 The Role of Hydration and Nutrition39:09 The Value of Attending Workshops and ClassesConnect with Flora: FetLife: _f1orahttps://x.com/_f1orahttps://www.clips4sale.com/studio/163305/miss-kelley-mayConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

13 Aug 46min

Ep 44 - What It’s Really Like Working as a Professional Dom: Behind the Scenes with Mistress Verna Part 2

Ep 44 - What It’s Really Like Working as a Professional Dom: Behind the Scenes with Mistress Verna Part 2

Think you could handle working in a professional dungeon? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m back with Mistress Verna for Part 2 of our behind-the-scenes look at life as retired dominatrixes. We’re digging into how this work helped us explore and define our sexuality, the boundaries we had to build to stay safe, and the trust it took to thrive in a job built on power exchange.We swap stories about some of our most unforgettable clients, what we learned about ourselves through this work, and whether we’d actually recommend dungeon life to someone curious about going pro. Spoiler alert: it’s not for the faint of heart, but it definitely gave us tools we still use to this day.Tune in to hear what it really takes to be a pro dom, beyond the latex and fantasy,  and why this career path changed how we see sex, power, and ourselves.Episode Highlights: 02:34 Learning and Growth in the Dungeon10:30 Unique Client Stories and Advice21:55 Unusual Requests and Experiences24:59 Building Friendships and Skills30:59 Reflections on Being a Dominatrix37:17 Advice for Aspiring DominatrixesConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Join The Kinky Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membershipSpeak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

6 Aug 43min

Ep 43 - What It’s Really Like Working as a Professional Dom: Behind the Scenes with Mistress Verna Part 1

Ep 43 - What It’s Really Like Working as a Professional Dom: Behind the Scenes with Mistress Verna Part 1

What really goes on behind the velvet curtain of a New York City dungeon? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I catch up with my longtime friend and former dungeon-mate Mistress Verna to spill the tea on our years working as professional dominatrixes in one of the city's most infamous kink spaces.We get into everything they don't show you in the movies — the hazing rituals, the gossip, the client mind games, the surprise police visits, and the unspoken rules that ran the place. We also talk about the real stuff: the power dynamics, the politics, and how we built safety, sisterhood, and strategy in a space that was chaotic at best and dangerous at worst.Tune in to find out what really goes down in a professional dungeon and why being a pro dom isn't just about fantasy. It's about finesse, boundaries, and knowing exactly who’s in charge.Episode Highlights: 00:51 The Reality of Working at the Dungeon14:49 Client Interactions and Techniques22:18 Reflecting on Client Dynamics25:34 Client Lies and Secrets27:08 Sex Rules and Gossip31:01 Raids and Safety Protocols36:37 Journalist IncidentConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Join The Kinky Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membershipSpeak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

30 Juli 41min

Ep 42 - Talking About Sex Is Hard But Squirm’s Tess and Kels Is Making It Sexy, Fun, and Shame-Free

Ep 42 - Talking About Sex Is Hard But Squirm’s Tess and Kels Is Making It Sexy, Fun, and Shame-Free

Why is it so hard to talk about sex, even with people we trust? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m joined by Tess and Kels, co-founders of Squirm and co-hosts of the Porn Nerds podcast, to explore how we can make sex ed not just informative but also sexy, playful, and actually useful.We dive into their journey from coworkers to creative collaborators, their mission to destigmatize conversations about porn and desire, and how they built Squirm as a space where adult sex ed meets humor, eroticism, and real communication. From their audio course Oral Hygiene to their Get Squirmy card deck and live events, Tess and Kels are helping people go beyond shame and speak about sex with clarity, confidence, and creativity.Whether you’ve struggled to talk about what turns you on, want to bring more curiosity into your kink conversations, or simply wish porn had a better PR team, this episode will expand your vocabulary, your imagination, and your confidence in navigating communication around sex, BDSM, and desire.Get 20% off of the Get Squirmy Conversation Deck when you use the code: KINKCONSULTANThttps://www.getsquirmy.com/product-page/get-squirmyEpisode Highlights: 03:45 Introducing Squirm: Sex Ed for Adults06:32 The Concept of Sexy Sex Ed17:23 The Role of Porn in Sex Education21:52 Contextualizing Media and Reality25:20 Porn as a Tool for Sexual Exploration27:06 Navigating Sexual Communication36:45 Exploring the Get Squirmy EventsConnect with Tess and Kels https://linktr.ee/squirmConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

23 Juli 40min

Ep 41 - What Allows Us to Feel Safe in Relationships? Exploring Power, Kink, and Connection with Aubrey Aust

Ep 41 - What Allows Us to Feel Safe in Relationships? Exploring Power, Kink, and Connection with Aubrey Aust

What actually allows us to feel safe in relationships? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I’m joined by Aubrey Aust, a Master’s student at NYU researching relational safety, who explores themes of attachment styles, somatics, and kink to examine the systems and sensations that shape how we connect with others.We talk about how BDSM dynamics bring power, vulnerability, and consent to the surface in ways that most relationships suppress. Aubrey shares why kink can serve as a relational laboratory, how cultural scripts influence our nervous systems, and what it means to move through the world with curiosity and care. We also dive into shadow work, language around needs, and how we unlearn what no longer protects us.Whether you're navigating kink, reflecting on past patterns, or rethinking how you build safety with others, this conversation is a powerful starting point. You’ll walk away with deeper insight into your own relational wiring and why safety is about more than just feeling comfortable.Episode Highlights: 02:40 Power Dynamics in Relationships06:32 Attachment Styles and Safety11:58 Language and Communication in Relationships15:26 Somatic Psychology and Healing18:07 Exploring EMDR Therapy22:12 Unlearning and HealingConnect with Aubreyhttp://www.aubreyaust.com/https://instagram.com/aubrey__austhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/aubrey-aust-8b7744174/Connect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Join The Kinky Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membershipSpeak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

16 Juli 33min

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