Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn15 Juli 2025

ADHD and destigmatizing your desires

Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest.

Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how some people with ADHD use parts of BDSM, like structure, sensory input, and clearly defined roles. These can help support attention, reduce overwhelm, and build emotional regulation.

Listen as Cate and Leann challenge outdated assumptions, and learn how destigmatizing your desires can help you show up more fully in your life.

Related resources

Leann’s website, bornemancoaching.com
Leann’s dissertation, The Intersection of ADHD and BDSM Engagement in Heterosexual Women

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Timestamps

(00:00) Intro

(00:48) A comment from Cate on stigma

(02:35) BDSM as a coping strategy, not just a preference

(03:58) Society’s stigma versus the scientific research

(06:37) Pick and choose what works for you, you don’t have to label yourself

(10:53) ADHD and sexuality: Incapability versus lack of access

(13:10) What is causing this lack of access to good sex?

(17:27) Unmasking is key to authenticity and figuring out what you like

(19:11) BDSM creates space for safety through it’s collaborative and consentful nature

(21:54) Leann’s advice for those curious about BDSM and kink

(24:33) Outro and credits

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Det här avsnittet är hämtat från ett öppet RSS-flöde och publiceras inte av Podme. Det kan innehålla reklam.

Avsnitt(51)

Why ADHD makes decluttering so hard (and how to fix it)

If your home has ever felt like it’s working against you, this one’s for you. Certified professional organizer Alison Lush joins the show to unpack the ADHD relationship to stuff. Learn what chronic d...

5 Maj 30min

How online community is saving (and breaking) my ADHD brain

Laura Mears-Reynolds, founder of ADHDAF and an award-winning community organizer, joins Cate to talk about online communication, building connection, and staying in touch when you have ADHD. They dig ...

21 Apr 24min

Writing the ADHD guide we wish we'd had

Content warning: This episode discusses self-harm. What does it actually take to finish a book with ADHD? Cate sits down with Erik Gude, her co-author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to unpack f...

7 Apr 18min

ADHD gaslighting and chasing new relationship energy (Reddit Reactions)

As we know, Reddit is full of messy love stories, and we have thoughts. From gaslighting and age gaps to the weird magic of “new relationship energy,” we read posts that make us laugh, cringe, and wo...

24 Mars 22min

When ADHD turns chores into conflict

Division of labor between partners isn’t easy for anyone. Add ADHD and suddenly dishes come with shame. Trash becomes a crisis. And rest starts to feel sketchy. Cate sits down with KC Davis to unpack...

10 Mars 23min

Decisions, decisions: ADHD and the trap of analysis paralysis

Have you ever stayed up all night replaying a meeting in your head? Or obsessed over an email? Or questioned every instinct you have? If making decisions feels like a full-time job, this one’s for you...

24 Feb 20min

How menopause and hormones impact ADHD symptoms in women

If your ADHD symptoms seem to have leveled up out of nowhere, you’re not losing it. Hormones play a much bigger role in ADHD than most of us understand, especially during perimenopause and menopause.T...

10 Feb 19min

Stuck in your head? ADHD, overthinking, and getting “unstuck”

Ever catch yourself spiraling over a decision and feeling like your brain won’t stop replaying every possible “what if”? Dr. J is joining us to talk about rumination, overthinking, and getting caught ...

27 Jan 31min