40: Annie Duke | How to Make Decisions Like a Poker Champ

Four years ago, you lost your spouse and child in a tragic car crash that you barely survived. Now, with a supportive partner and a toddler by your side, you're determined to move on with your life. Unfortunately, it's hard to meet new people who can see past what you've endured without pitying you. How can you truly enter your next chapter when well-meaning but oversympathizing strangers keep reminding you of your last one? We'll try to get to the bottom of this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/541 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Trying to move on from the loss of your family in a car accident years ago is difficult when everyone new you meet wants to throw you a pity party. How can you become more than the suffering sum of your tragic past's parts? You and your fiancé called it quits when she had a hallucinatory episode, wound up in the hospital, and came out with a bipolar disorder diagnosis. But you've each spent the past year coming to terms with who you are and you've considered getting back together. Could this work, or should you consider it a relationship that's sailed? A company hired you for one thing, then it turned out they needed you for something else, and their needs aren’t in alignment with your interests. Should you express your dissatisfaction to your boss, hope your next project is more to your liking, or just start looking for a new job? You've discovered that the work you love to do isn't the same as the subject you loved learning about at university. Should you feel guilty or ashamed for not using your master's degree, even though you absolutely adore your current, but completely unrelated position? How do you invite your parents' best friends to your wedding without them bringing their disruptive, social misfit adult child? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi. Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

30 Juli 202148min

Daryl Davis (@realdaryldavis) is a musician, author, lecturer, host of the Changing Minds podcast, and anti-racism activist featured in the documentary Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race & America. [This is part two of a two-part episode. Make sure to catch part one here!] What We Discuss with Daryl Davis: How Daryl Davis, a black musician who was once told by a Ku Klux Klansman that he played piano "just like Jerry Lee Lewis," leveraged the encounter into a teachable moment that has led to more than 200 KKK members hanging up their robes for good. Why racism was such an unfathomable concept when Daryl first experienced it as a 10-year-old Cub Scout. How traveling around the world as a child with his diplomat father gave Daryl the tools he needed to sit down and relate to people vastly different from him. Why Daryl considers a missed opportunity for dialogue to be a missed opportunity for conflict resolution. The five values all humans have in common that Daryl uses to positively navigate (almost) any conversation. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/540 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

29 Juli 202148min

Daryl Davis (@realdaryldavis) is a musician, author, lecturer, host of the Changing Minds podcast, and anti-racism activist featured in the documentary Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race & America. What We Discuss with Daryl Davis: How Daryl Davis, a black musician who was once told by a Ku Klux Klansman that he played piano "just like Jerry Lee Lewis," leveraged the encounter into a teachable moment that has led to more than 200 KKK members hanging up their robes for good. Why racism was such an unfathomable concept when Daryl first experienced it as a 10-year-old Cub Scout. How traveling around the world as a child with his diplomat father gave Daryl the tools he needed to sit down and relate to people vastly different from him. Why Daryl considers a missed opportunity for dialogue to be a missed opportunity for conflict resolution. The five values all humans have in common that Daryl uses to positively navigate (almost) any conversation. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/539 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

27 Juli 202158min

It's not a request; it's a demand from the brother who sexually abused you when you were eight in a family that gaslighted you about the whole thing: "You will speak at my wedding." Maybe he thinks you're too spineless to say anything that will embarrass him, but the truth is that you've been diagnosed with complex PTSD and the thought of speaking at his wedding at all fills you with dread. On the other hand, being the only sibling to refuse would also cause drama you don't want to deal with. How do you balance being genuine with not calling someone a cruel person on their wedding day? We'll try to find an answer to this and more here on Feedback Friday. And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/538 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Should you speak at the wedding of your brother who sexually abused you when you were eight, or be the only sibling to refuse and cause unwanted drama? [Thanks to clinical psychologist Dr. Erin Margolis for helping us with this one!] If you have a physical feature that might surprise someone you're meeting for the first time (like, say, type IV radial club hand), how can you put everyone at ease and defuse any potential awkwardness ahead of such a meeting? In spite of going above and beyond in your leadership role during the pandemic, your boss "doesn't believe" in giving you a 5/5 star rating on your review because there's always room for improvement. On the other hand, you've been criticized for giving a subordinate a 3/5 for meeting expectations. If 4/5 is the best you can expect for exceeding expectations, how is such a system fair for anyone? Your dad spent 10 years in prison. You'd enjoy making up for that lost time by watching movies and other low-key activities together, but he wants to party and go bar hopping (even though you're under the legal drinking age). How can you get him to reel in his wilder tendencies that make you uncomfortable without hurting his feelings? At the end of the month, you'll be laid off from the company where you've worked for 15 years. If you're able to secure interviews for future job prospects before then, would it be dishonest to negotiate from the more powerful position of being currently employed? Documentary recommendation of the week: Made You Look: A True Story About Fake Art [Many thanks to Fruit of the Loom for its sponsorship of this segment!] Have... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

23 Juli 202149min

Kevin Kelly (@kevin2kelly) is the founding editor of Wired magazine and author of The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future. What We Discuss with Kevin Kelly: Technology is an extension of the natural process of evolution. What’s driving technology; what will the future look like? Why Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the biggest thing since electricity. Ways humanity will interact with future technology and AI — and how it will change our lives in ways we can scarcely imagine. How technology will actually make us better humans. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/537 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

22 Juli 20211h 9min

Julia Galef (@juliagalef) is the host of the Rationally Speaking podcast, co-founder of The Center for Applied Rationality, and author of The Scout Mindset: Why Some People See Things Clearly and Others Don't. What We Discuss with Julia Galef: How to spot bad arguments and faulty thinking -- even when the source is you. The difference between having a soldier mindset that defends whatever you want to be true, and a scout mindset that's motivated to seek out the truth regardless of how unpleasant it might be (and which you should try to cultivate). How to tell if you're making reasonable mistakes or foolhardy leaps of faith that carry consequences far outweighing the value of the lesson. The best ways to manage and respond to uncertainty. How your brain matches arguments you misunderstand with ones you've already decided you don't agree with -- and what to do about it. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/536 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

20 Juli 20211h 9min

You and your five siblings aren't close, but you all have one thing in common: you endured a childhood marred by abusive parents who played you against each other. Now that you're all adults, you'd like to unite your siblings to confront your parents as a group for some closure -- but you're not sure they're all on board with the idea. Is there a good way to convince them, or might it be possible to get the closure you're looking for without their help or even a confrontation at all? We'll get into this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/535 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Is it worth trying to unite your siblings for a confrontation with your abusive parents to gain a sense of closure? [Thanks to clinical psychologist Dr. Erin Margolis for helping us with this one!] You've postponed your wedding twice due to the pandemic, but two very close people in your life have passed away in the interim -- and it's hard to imagine having this wedding without them. Is there a way to somehow include and honor them in the ceremony? As a middle manager, you rely on your second-in-command to lead the department so you can focus on admin. Unfortunately, he fails at every step and creates more work for you than he saves. He can't be fired, transferred, or demoted, and he refuses to improve. What can you do? You're a teenager living in a household with your father and a verbally abusive stepmom who doesn't like teens. You'd prefer to live with your biological mother, but the custody agreement as it stands wouldn't allow it. How can you convince your dad and stepmother that changing the agreement would be the right move for everyone? You consider your current sales job as a placeholder until you can get your master's degree in mental health counseling. The hitch is that your program requires your completion of a nine-month internship that would fall during your busy season in two years. What's the least awkward way of bringing this up to your boss -- who doesn't yet know about your aspirations in a completely different field? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

16 Juli 202147min

Greg McKeown (@GregoryMcKeown) is the host of the What’s Essential podcast, and author of the New York Times bestseller Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. His latest book, Effortless: Make It Easier to Do What Matters Most, is out now. What We Discuss with Greg McKeown: If you want 10x the results of any endeavor without putting in 10x the effort, it's important to understand your ROE (return on effort). How the disciplined pursuit of less keeps you from getting overwhelmed with unexpected options and opportunities that come from what should be the good news of success. Why, if you find yourself procrastinating on a project because it's not perfect enough to your liking, you should delay a bad first draft and create a truly awful zero draft. Why "easy" does not (always) equal "lazy" and what you can do to work smarter rather than harder to avoid earning the meaningless badge of honor that burnout has become in the modern workforce. Five questions to ask yourself before taking on a project that's in danger of being overthought, overwhelming, and anything but effortless. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/534 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

15 Juli 20211h 8min