324. Why do we hold grudges?

324. Why do we hold grudges?

Why do some things sit heavy in our chest for weeks, months, even years - while others seem to slide right off? In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of resentment, exploring why letting go can feel so hard, and what our grudges might actually be trying to tell us about ourselves. Grudges are often dismissed as petty or immature, but they’re rarely that simple. They’re emotional archives - stories we keep retelling in our minds, not just to stay angry, but to make sense of hurt, to assert boundaries, or to reclaim a sense of control. Whether it’s a betrayal from years ago or a passive-aggressive comment from last week, the feelings linger for a reason.

We explore:

• The psychological function of holding a grudge
• How rumination and memory shape emotional pain
• The role of power, justice, and unmet needs in long-term resentment
• How resentment harms us more than them
• Why forgiveness isn’t the same as forgetting
• Tools for emotional processing and (maybe) letting go

If you want to get curious about what your lingering anger is pointing to, this episode is for you.

Listen to my NEW PODCAST, Mantra: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ckds0BoJDDpODInN9cWcc?si=b6ad5d555c1940e0

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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379. I got an STD in my 20s, now what?

379. I got an STD in my 20s, now what?

Dating and sex can feel like they come with a hidden rulebook. You’re meant to be adventurous but not too adventurous, confident but not reckless, and always somehow immune to consequences. So the pot...

29 Jan 34min

378. Your guide to surviving the dating apps in your 20s

378. Your guide to surviving the dating apps in your 20s

One minute it’s exciting, the next it’s endless options, half-conversations, and the dismissive feeling of being judged (or ignored) by people who don’t actually know you. In this episode, we’re getti...

26 Jan 47min

377. Why do we resist change?

377. Why do we resist change?

When we move through our 20s, it can feel like everyone else is making big, brave moves - new cities, new jobs, new relationships - while we’re stuck in the same place, overthinking every possible out...

22 Jan 39min

376. 7 tips for moving to a new country in your 20s

376. 7 tips for moving to a new country in your 20s

Moving to a new city is one of the most exciting (and emotionally challenging) things you can do in your twenties. Whether it’s for work, study, love, or a fresh start, leaving behind what’s familiar ...

19 Jan 32min

375. The psychology of friendship trios

375. The psychology of friendship trios

Navigating friendship in your 20s is already complicated – so what happens when we add a third person into the mix? The group chat might be buzzing, there’s always someone to talk to, and belonging to...

15 Jan 40min

374. The psychology of regret

374. The psychology of regret

In our 20s especially, the fear of regret can seem like every choice has the potential to ‘ruin’ our future - the degree we picked (or didn’t), the person we stayed with, the move we were too scared t...

12 Jan 25min

373. Why rest makes us feel so guilty

373. Why rest makes us feel so guilty

Modern life has a way of making rest feel suspicious. You can be exhausted, finally take a break, and still hear that nagging voice that you should be doing something more. Somewhere along the line, d...

11 Jan 32min

372. How to rediscover your personality

372. How to rediscover your personality

So many of us are coming to the realisation that we don't really know who we are anymore. We spend more time consuming other people's lives and personalities through a screen, than actually living out...

8 Jan 40min

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