231. Secret Signals: Why We Rarely Say Exactly What We Mean

231. Secret Signals: Why We Rarely Say Exactly What We Mean

Why what isn’t said can communicate more than what is spoken.


We often speak in hints and half-truths, not because we can’t be direct, but because subtlety protects our relationships. “An awful lot of the time, we don’t just blurt out what we mean,” says Steven Pinker. “We hint, we wink, we beat around the bush — counting on our listener to read between the lines, connect the dots, catch our drift.”
Pinker is the Johnstone Professor of Psychology at Harvard University, a celebrated linguist and cognitive scientist, and the author of twelve influential books. His latest, When Everyone Knows That Everyone Knows: Common Knowledge and the Mysteries of Money, Power, and Everyday Life, explores how our shared understanding of awareness — what Steven refers to as common knowledge — and the way we signal it, governs everything from friendships to authority to negotiations. “Common knowledge is what ratifies or annuls social relationships, and that's why blurting something out that contradicts the assumptions of the relationship can blow everything up and be deeply awkward.”
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Pinker joins host Matt Abrahams to discuss why humans lean on innuendo, euphemism, and strategic ambiguity. They examine how culture and context shape what we hear, why our social fabric depends on more than just literal meaning, and offer practical ways to refine our communication by paying attention not just to what we say, but to what others know we know.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.

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Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:22) - Why We Speak Indirectly
  • (06:38) - The Role of Context
  • (10:34) - Cross-Cultural Perspectives
  • (11:50) - Hypocrisy as Social Glue
  • (13:42) - Clarity, Conciseness, & Grace
  • (17:06) - Metaphors We Live By
  • (19:34) - The Final Three Questions
  • (23:30) - Conclusion

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4. The Journey to Mastery: How Self Reflection Can Improve Communication

4. The Journey to Mastery: How Self Reflection Can Improve Communication

What does it mean to truly master communication? How can we speak and write for the most impact? In this podcast episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Stanford Graduate School of Business lecturers JD Schramm and Matt Abrahams discuss how to use self reflection for self improvement. They also offer methods for preparing for a high stakes situation such as a pitch meeting or an everyday interaction like an email. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

27 Feb 202018min

3. When Knowing Too Much Can Hurt Your Communication: How to Make Complex Ideas Accessible

3. When Knowing Too Much Can Hurt Your Communication: How to Make Complex Ideas Accessible

As communicators, we often need to take complex information (e.g., financial, technical, or scientific) and make it more understandable for our audience – we’re experts and they likely aren’t. But having so much knowledge on the topics we discuss can often make the job more difficult: we dive in too quickly, forget about our audience's needs, or use jargon that goes over their heads. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, strategic communications lecturers Matt Abrahams and Lauren Weinstein explore the “curse of knowledge” and offer specific techniques you can use to be more successful in getting your point across.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

11 Feb 202014min

2. Communicating Our Multiple Selves: How to Effectively Manage Your Reputation

2. Communicating Our Multiple Selves: How to Effectively Manage Your Reputation

How others perceive us in person and via social media can impact our careers and social standing. But we can build the reputation we want through conscious communication. On this podcast episode, strategic communication lecturers Matt Abrahams and Allison Kluger share techniques on effectively improving and managing your reputation.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

30 Jan 202016min

1. Speaking Without a Net: How to Master Impromptu Communication

1. Speaking Without a Net: How to Master Impromptu Communication

Most professional communication is spontaneous in nature: it’s providing feedback in the moment, answering questions, introducing people. On this podcast episode, Strategic Communication lecturer Matt Abrahams speaks with Stanford lecturers Adam Tobin and Dan Klein on how to become more comfortable and confident in in-the-moment speaking situations. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get $50 off coaching today at Strawberry.me/smartBecome a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.

15 Jan 202023min

Introducing Think Fast, Talk Smart: The Podcast

Introducing Think Fast, Talk Smart: The Podcast

Join Matt Abrahams, lecturer in strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he sits down with experts from across the world to discuss public speaking anxiety, speaking off the cuff, nailing a Q&A, and more.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

10 Jan 20201min

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