Communication Part 5: Mastering Our Stories

Are you looking to bring more peace and harmony into your relationship? A State Of The Union needn't just be a presidential wartime address. In another wonderfully impactful episode of Master Your Marriage, Robert and Sharla are offering us their version of a 'State Of The Union.'There are five key steps involved in having an effective weekly check-in with your partner that will no doubt prove to be a total game changer if you are looking to turn your hearts towards one another. Because, let's face it: never before has there been so much information out there, from podcasts to AI, and from social media to internet blogs. So what moves that information out of the headspace and into the heart space? As Robert and Sharla so eloquently explain, it starts with creating rituals that involve making time for one another. This is a sacred time for the two of you, where you begin making micro-adjustments to your relationship through small conversations.All of the tools you need to make that higher-level commitment to yourself and your partner can be found in this episode and then practiced in your own unique version of a weekly relationship check-in. Please join us. “When we create rituals for our own relationships, we are making a higher-level commitment to the most important thing in our lives." ~ Robert Snow In This Episode:- Unpacking Appreciation – sharing an attribute you love about your partner- Understanding why creating rituals is so important - State Of The Union: How To Have an Effective Weekly Check-In- 5 steps you can take with your partner in a weekly State Of The Union connection- Setting the tone of your conversation: 5 positive appreciations- What went right in your relationship this week? - Remembering that conflict has a positive purpose- No coming in hot! Starting with 'I statements' - Learning to listen non-defensively And so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

17 Maj 202322min

Is it possible to prioritize your marriage without sacrificing your children's needs? Robert and Sharla believe so, and in this episode, they're demonstrating exactly how you can put your children's needs first while also prioritizing your marriage.There's a biological maternal imperative that kicks in when a child is born. Left to linger for too long (consider a child sleeping in the parent's bed as an example), it can cause resentment. The spouse may find themselves way down the family pecking order over time, prioritized even after the family pet!And while the statistics on marital satisfaction post childbirth don't make for pretty reading, Robert and Sharla succinctly offer solutions on making transitions through parenthood with far less stress by remaining steadfast in your commitment to your marriage. What does this look like, exactly? Tune in to find out just how you can model a healthy marriage to your children, setting them up for eventual relationship success themselves one day, with 'The Magic Six-Hour Week' and other tools that foster marital intimacy without compromising your parental responsibilities. "It's crucial for children to experience and witness the love of their parents and the love that they have for one another, not just the love that their parents have for them." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- In what ways do we put our children before our marriage?- What motherhood has meant to Sharla in terms of her identity- Understanding the biology of why mothers put their children first- What kind of relationship do you want your children to have? - Assessing how we spend our time – what's working and what's not?- ‘Making time’ versus ‘finding time’ for your relationship- The Magic Six-Hour Week - how to prioritize your marriage in just six hours a weekAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

10 Maj 202322min

Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and process a past fight? Fear not. Today, Robert and Sharla are providing you with a tool for effective repair conversations. And to show you how it's done, this masterfully married couple will be processing one of their past fights (they prefer to call them 'regrettable incidents'), and showing you how to let go of stubborn resentments, deal with past hurt, and empathetically engage with your partner. There are some ground rules to consider (avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and snowballing), and there are five steps to take that you can then try out as you workshop a 'regrettable incident' of your own. From sharing your feelings to sharing your perceptions (and understanding the difference), and from sharing your triggers to taking responsibility, a constructive plan awaits you to prevent a fight from becoming a lingering resentment... one that could poison your marriage, or become stones in your shoe as you walk this long road of life together. "The second step is to share our individual realities – and to validate one another's realities. ~ Sharla Snow"We hope you're excited to incorporate this process in your relationship. As always, if you need coaching or any help applying this, reach out to us – we'd love to help out." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- How to deal with disagreements in your relationship calmly and empathetically as they arise- Processing a regrettable incident – Robert and Sharla's real-life 'fight'- What are the 5 steps that you can use to process a regrettable incident of your own? - Getting to a place of renewed empathy and understanding with your partnerAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

3 Maj 202326min

Is there something you had that you didn't know how good it was until you lost it? Don't wait until your relationship is over, poisoned by resentment, to start practicing gratitude. Gratitude is a conscious practice where we actively go looking for things to appreciate in our spouse and in our relationship. Practicing gratitude can not only dissolve our resentments, but it can also shift our habits, and help us see the positive in what we already have. How can we appreciate those around us in ways that aren't too conditional, so that our gratitude will have the most meaningful impact? Appreciation is one of the core pillars in Masterful Marriage's coaching model – and Robert and Sharla are delving into the nuance of how we can understand and show appreciation, because they know just how valuable it is to change the habit of the mind (94% success rate!). From writing letters that need never get sent, to renewing positive feelings you once had by following Robert and Sharla's six-step process that will have you contemplating gratitude for your relationship in ways you'd never imagined, the tools you need to Master Your Marriage are but a listen (and then practice) away. Please join us. "I've always found it fascinating how appreciation can really impact every single relationship for my staff – and then especially in my marriage." ~ Robert Snow"We know that appreciation changes the habit of the mind: it causes us to focus on the positive attributes in one another, rather than on the flaws or the little mistakes from day to day." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- How appreciation can impact every relationship positively- Why recognition is different from appreciation- Shifting into a positive frame of mind where good things are amplified- Understanding that appreciation is the antidote for contempt- How do we start practicing gratitude to dissolve resentment? - What are the practical benefits of practicing gratitude?And so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

26 Apr 202320min

Is there a disagreement with your partner that you are still hanging onto? Is the lingering resentment getting in the way of your love? Today Robert and Sharla are talking about resentment – and providing you with three simple steps to overcome it. Just like the pile of junk in your basement that starts to build up as your clutter gets pushed out of sight for convenience's sake, so too does resentment accumulate, just waiting for you to trip over it in the dark, and start another argument with your loved one. Resentment can blind you to what you really want – peace, love, and harmony, plus all the other good stuff that often lies just on the other side of overcoming that resentment. But how do we do it? What does a relationship spring clean look like? The answers lie inside in this absorbing episode of Master Your Marriage, where Robert and Sharla shine a torch on that resentment clutter in your basement and help you to clean it up in three easy steps!"Resentment is this multi-layered emotion and it can consist of many other emotions, like anger, disappointment, hurt, and sometimes even disgust." ~ Sharla Snow"When we are in resentment, we actually withhold intimacy from each other." ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- Why resentment is like taking poison – and hoping the other person dies- Why small conversations are better than no conversations- The value in paying attention to your negative emotions- Questioning your own emotional maturity and asking if you have a constant need to be right - How resentment impairs our ability to sleep and focus- What do I want instead? What lies on the other side of your resentment? - Focus on what you want: shifting to gratitudeAnd so much more!Resources:- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- Book - Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics): Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: 9780061339202: Amazon.com - https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - <a href="http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage" rel="noopener noreferrer"...

19 Apr 202321min

What is the minimum commitment level you need to achieve if you don't want things to deteriorate in your relationship? How many dates are enough? And how much time should you spend talking to each other? Human connection is a basic human need. Today we are addressing intimacy – how to improve it, how to feel 'seen' by our partner, and how to experience greater empathy as a result.There are five categories of intimacy that you can address as you become the master architect of your relationship. Spoiler alert: it's not all about sex. Though we do address the benefits of a 'feel good' cuddle! It's the small and simple things that you 'drip' into the cave of your relationship that form the beautiful stalactites that become the rituals of intimacy and strong human connection over time. From road trips to date nights, and cold plunges to being open to perspectives other than your own, the drips of intimacy that can feed your relationship are but one thoughtful action away. "Every positive thing that you drip into your relationship will enhance intimacy." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- What are the five primary categories of intimacy?- What is holding us back from intimacy? - What won't happen if I don't let down these walls?- Understanding resentment as a barrier to intimacy- What does emotional intimacy entail – and how can we create more of it? - What is the #1 thing you can do to improve intimacy in your relationship?And so much more!Resources:-Get the Repair Attempt Cheatsheet- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage- MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

12 Apr 202324min

What can you do to stop a fight from escalating? Surely there’s a better way to argue? If you feel like your communication with your partner sometimes takes a disrespectful turn, then today’s episode is for you. Robert and Sharla are sharing one of their favorite interventions in couples coaching: it’s a tool to stop couples from letting negativity spiral out of control. Understanding repair attempts begins with appreciating the philosophy that your marriage or relationship is an infinite game that you are constantly wanting to extend by never actually ‘winning.’ Approaching conflict with a mindset of humility, as well as a curiosity to understand your partner’s point of view in an argument, are some of the more positive approaches you can make as repair attempts when things start to spiral out of control. And of course, between being provoked and responding, there is space for growth and freedom (if you choose) by acknowledging your power to be empathetic to your partner’s needs. In any conversation, let your first response be your breath. This episode on repair attempts is a literal breath of fresh air for couples in need of new approaches to resolving conflict. It also comes with a cheat sheet in the show notes below. Please join us. “Marriage is an infinite game. The objective is to never win.” ~ Robert SnowIn This Episode:- A recap of the 8 predictors for divorce and the Four Horsemen- Understanding how repair attempts can improve your marriage- Compromise is the oil that lubricates the engine called marriage- Understanding why the goal is never to win — rather, to extend the game- Leaving your ego tucked away and remaining curious in a challenging conversation- How to move the conversation closer to compromise- Using ‘I statements’ to defuse negativity- Acknowledging and understanding your partner’s point of view: “help me understand”And so much more!Resources:-Get the Repair Attempt Cheatsheet- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage- MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- Book: Finite and Infinite Games Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

5 Apr 202324min

Have you ever felt put down, mocked, belittled, shamed, or called names in what you thought was a 'loving' relationship? Or have you perhaps been guilty of sarcasm, eye-rolling, and passive-aggressive communication that has slowly poisoned a relationship that you didn't mean to?Sharla and Robert are discussing the number one predictor for a divorce: contempt. Once this poison sets in, divorce, on average, happens in about 6 years. Trust us, you're going to want to listen to this episode to the end to fix this problem and save your relationship.Was contempt a part of the way your family communicated growing up? Do you know that you're being triggered by the person you love but feel incapable of change? Solutions are at hand in this sublime episode of Master Your Marriage that takes contempt by the scruff of its neck and empathetically shows you how to overcome those feelings with five easy steps. "Contempt is the kiss of death for a relationship." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- Understanding contempt as the 'sulfuric acid' of relationships- Examples of contempt in everyday relationships- How contempt leads to more contempt – and defensiveness- What to do when contempt starts as an automatic reaction to an issue- What helped Sharla overcome her contempt? A process of empathy- Five steps to help overcome your own contemptAnd so much more!Resources:-Overcoming Contempt Cheatsheet- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage- MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423- Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

29 Mars 202329min